joreth: (Purple Mobius)
Him: I just want to ask, and I don't want to be rude, so if I'm stepping into anything here, please tell me. But, is it ... do you just like the thrill? I mean, I don't know how to say it, but, you know, the thrill?

Me: No, I actually don't like the beginning of relationships. I don't like the novelty, the newness, the excitement of dating. Some do. I like the old, comfortable relationships that have been around a long time and you really know each other and you're "settled".

I'm poly because I just keep falling in love with people before I'm done being in love with the pre-existing partners. There are a lot of interesting, wonderful people in the world and I fall in love with some amazing people who all bring value to my life.

There's nothing missing or lacking or broken about any of my relationships. I fell in love with new people while still loving someone else.

Him: Yeah, I can understand that. It happens all the time.

#RealConversationsIHave #PolyEducatingBackstage

When I have conversations in real life, as when I hashtag #RealConversationsIHave, about polyamory, the conversations are necessarily limited. There's something about verbal speech that makes conversations linear. So I can't get to every talking point in the conversation because my response sparks a particular response in them and I respond to that and we go in a particular direction.  This particular conversation even continued in another direction from here.

Plus, a lot of times, I'm at work. For most people, being at work means you can't say certain things, but for me it means that our conversations are interrupted when someone yells across the room for help RIGHT NOW and we have to stop talking to run over and save someone from being crushed by a falling truss or road case. Or, in less dire circumstances, we're just walking in two different directions so the conversation can only last for as long as we're in earshot. A lot of my soundbites were developed this way. That and Twitter, which I deliberately used as a tool to create soundbites for complicated and nuanced concepts. But then the Twitter-created soundbites also come in very handy in these situations at work.

So there are several reasons why I am poly, not just the one I happened to address in this conversation. One of which is my aforementioned falling in love without falling out of love reason. That's why *I* have multiple partners myself. But a big part of being poly, as opposed to some other form of non-monogamy, is in how one feels about one's partner having other lovers, and in how one feels about those other lovers.

I am also poly because I very strongly believe in agency and autonomy. Because of my aforementioned reason, I know that it's possible (and even likely) for my partners to fall in love (or lust) with someone other than me and still love or like or care for me. So, because I value agency and autonomy, I am also poly because I do. not. believe. in restricting my partners' expressions of feelings for other people. If they fall in love with someone else, they should be allowed to explore those feelings because it is not my place to "allow" or "disallow" it in the first place.

The stronger I really internalize this value, the less often I feel things like jealousy. I am not prone to jealousy mainly because, deep down, I honestly do not see my partners as things to feel jealous over. Envy, sure, but a romantic relationship is not required to feel envy of other people. Envy can be felt over any number of other people, even people you don't even know personally. And envy in poly relationships is pretty simple to solve - I want to do that thing that other people are doing, please do it with me too? Boom, solved.

And the third aspect of polyamory - how one feels about metamours - from the very beginning I felt empathy and compassion for metamours. And over time, as I explored the reality of polyamory, I learned the real-life value that metamours bring to my life as friends, confidantes, pillars of support, activity mates, co-conspirators, and sometimes simply other people to share in the emotional labor and the joy that comes with relating to our mutual partner. I am polyamorous because I see my metamours as opportunities, not as threats or competitors or even "other". The people I count among my best and closest friends are people I met through a mutual partner. In fact, if my metamours weren't already going to be the groomsmates, I'd have them as my bridesmates and one metafore is my bridesmate. Their presence in my partners' lives, and by extension in my life, makes my life better.

There are definitely people who like the NRE and some who like it at an unhealthy level (NRE-junkies), but there are those people in monogamy and other relationship styles too. I, however, am not in it for the "thrill". None of the main reasons *why* I am poly involve "thrill" or excitement or novelty or newness. They all involve complex emotions and interactions which are easier to handle and feel better with time under the relationship, with familiarity.

There are some fun parts to "newness", to "the chase", to the uncertainty, to the novelty, to the NRE, but that's not *why* I am poly. I could get a lot of that from being a serial monogamist too, or a cheater, or a swinger, or any number of other relationship styles. That's not the part that attracts me to polyamory. The more complex parts are what attracts me, because those more complex parts have higher returns, for me.
joreth: (Nude Drawing)
There is a special, sweet tension that comes with unresolved sexual attraction. There are several people I feel a strong sexual draw towards, whose personalities or other traits make them incompatible with me for any category of sexual partner - from one-night stands to full on Partners. Knowing this, I choose not to act on these feelings, not even to discover if they are returned, to avoid what will inevitably be a much more uncomfortable situation as the incompatibilities play out to a predictable conclusion. I would tell them honestly, if they ever wanted to know, but I have not been given any indication that they are curious, so I don't offer.

Actually, I find it increases the acuteness of the tension when we both are aware of the attraction and of the fact that it can't be acted on. The flirting takes on more nuance and is much richer when that happens. But many people find that knowing someone is attracted to them when a reciprocal relationship is unavailable (either because they're not interested back, or they are but I won't agree to one anyway) to be awkward enough to avoid wanting to know about it. Out of consideration for social mores, I generally choose not to reveal my interest in someone if I'm not at least willing to consider acting on it should they be so inclined. I don't like making people feel uncomfortable around me unless discomfort is my goal (I'm looking at you, misogynists, racists, & PUAs). Anyway, so I am attracted to certain people while simultaneously being repelled by the situation that acting on that attraction would create. Feeling this ambiguity creates a sense of tension that I have come to enjoy in a similar way to how people who like the pain of eating spicy food seem to enjoy that particular torture. Which makes my day when I have to work with one or more of those people very ... flavorful.

One of the effects of being able to experience physical attraction to people without requiring some kind of emotional or intellectual connection is that one might be attracted to someone who is not a suitable romantic partner of some stripe or another. And being attracted TO someone is not the same thing as finding someone attractIVE. I am perfectly capable of appreciating the aesthetics of a person without wanting to fuck them, or have some other sexual encounter with them. I find all kinds of things aesthetically pleasing, like architecture and sunsets and kittens, without wanting to have sex with them even a little bit.

The same goes for people. As a matter of fact, this created quite the dilemma for me just after puberty. As a photographer and an artist (although my proclivities in this area were as yet unrealized back then), I found lots of women attractIVE. Unfortunately, in the era and area in which I grew up, I was pressured by individuals and the culture at large to interpret this pleasure at seeing the female form as a *sexual* attraction, and I identified as bisexual for a few years. It wasn't until I actually started having sex with women that I was able to recognize a distinct difference in my attraction for women vs. my attraction for men - namely that I had no attraction *towards* women, just an *appreciation* for them. But, I digress.

Anyway, because I don't need to have some kind of emotional or intellectual connection to a person in order to develop sexual feelings for them, I can find myself desiring to have some kind of sex with a person who really isn't someone I ought to have a sexual relationship with. It could be that they don't feel any attraction in return. Or it could be that I might want a different style of relationship than they are interested or willing to engage in. Or it could be that they would be willing to have casual sex with me, but would then develop contemptible feelings towards me as a female willing to have casual sex because they have internalized the misogyny of our culture's attitudes about sex. Or it could be that they would be more than willing to have a relationship with me but they are not capable of having a healthy poly relationship (which is non-negotiable with me) and are either not able or not willing to do the work necessary to eventually reach that place. I am not a beginner relationship. If you aren't ready for the hard, advanced work, a relationship with me will be more struggle than pleasure and I do not believe in maintaining relationships whose risk-reward ratio is skewed towards the risk instead of the rewards.

It could also be something on my end. There are lots of traits that people can have that I find very off-putting, and I have discovered through trial and error that ignoring how the first rush of NRC (usually referred to as NRE) can make me overlook those things in the beginning always, and without fail, results in me developing contempt or disgust for my partner when that NRC wears off and my natural dislike of the trait reasserts itself. So, for instance, smoking; I absolutely hate smoking. I hate the taste, I hate the smell, I resent the addiction, and I tend to think less of people who are willing to harm their bodies in this way. I might be able to downplay all of these reactions in the beginning when I'm running on happy brain chemicals, but eventually my dislike of smoking will overcome the waning NRC. And as we know, contempt is the biggest predictor of a relationship's demise. I would rather remain friends with someone and maintain some platonic friendly emotional boundaries around them than engage in a relationship that will eventually trigger my contempt or disgust even though these negative feelings would be merely one of many feelings including many positive ones.

So I sit here, contemplating the tug-of-war going on between my body's sexual attraction and my brain's reminder that this will not end well, while a detached part of me watches all this going on and enjoys the tension it produces. It took me a long time to understand, accept, and lean into this tension. And it's still a balancing act - swing too far to one side and it reverts to that unrequited ache of a teenage crush (with a bit of self-doubt just to mix things up) but swing too far to the other and the body's urges take over and make regrettable decisions. I'm reminded of a comment I once posted on More Than Two's Facebook page, that they liked well enough to reproduce as its own post. I've been meaning to post it myself, so as to archive it, and today's contemplations on the subject are as good a time as any:

"The truth is, sometimes you fall in love with someone who’s a terrible fit for you. In polyamory, sometimes you fall in love with someone whose partner is a terrible fit for you. And sometimes you are a wonderful partner for somebody in one stage of your lives, but then things change, and you find after five or ten or twenty years that you’re holding each other back instead of helping each other flourish. None of these necessarily come down to mistakes; they’re just things that can happen, because people are complicated." ~ Louisa Leontiades' book review of The Husband Swap.

That's why I love [ profile] tacit's aphorism so much about how sometimes we can really and truly love someone and still not make a good partner for them. We have to be able to see the end of a relationship as separate from the failure of a relationship and we have to be able to see that our feelings for people are not the same thing as our compatibility with those people.

The whole *point* of polyamory is to consciously design relationship structures that work for the people in them that break away from the "traditional" model. As long as we're admitting that the Flintstones model doesn't work for everyone, why stop there? Why not question everything about relationships, including the assumption that they're supposed to be forever, or that they're supposed to "be" at all.

The thing that liberated me from the devastating misery that is the unrequited crush (that, as a nerdy, bullied girl, was the majority of my early romantic experiences and the source of much later anguish and self-doubt) was the internalized acceptance that I could have feelings and that was all they had to be. I could love someone, or crush on them, or admire them, or have the hots for them, and the end goal for those feelings was to simply have them. *Doing* anything about those feelings, for example: pursuing a relationship, was a *different* issue. They might be related, but they are a *different* answer to a totally different question.

It's not "I have feelings, therefore...", it's "I have feelings - full stop." It's not even about not acting on the feelings. I'm not suggesting that we don't act. I'm suggesting that acting is *separate* from feeling. Fully recognizing that, perhaps ironically, opens up the possibilities for acting to include more choices. More choices, which might have more options for "success", if we define "success" as "the participants are happy / satisfied / fulfilled with the outcome of their choices" rather than merely "lived together until one of them died."

This is all a very highbrow, analytical, navel-gazing, philosophical essay to say, basically, that I lust after some people I know, including some coworkers, but who would make totally unsuitable partners, so I am not acting on my attraction, but I am enjoying the lustful feelings when I see those people.  If you have not yet learned how to lean into your discomforting feelings, such as desiring someone who doesn't desire you back or who would not make a suitable partner for you, I highly recommend learning how to do this.  In addition to merely removing the discomfort (and / or the drama that comes with poor partner selection), it also creates a new sensation to enjoy.  It takes a lot of practice and a lot of work on the self-esteem to do it, but it's totally worth it.
joreth: (Misty in Box)
OK, everyone else is doing this, I will to:

49 38 Questions for Grownups (where'd the others go?)

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids?! 'Have you ever kissed someone? Missed someone? Told someone you loved them? Drank alcohol? Bah!

So instead, here: 49 38 questions for the people who are a little older!

What bill do you hate paying the most?
All of them, I hate spending money.  I've spent too much time being poor, I bitterly resent paying for basic necessities, which are all I currently have because I can only very rarely afford "luxuries" (like healthcare).

Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Uh, my version of "romantic" is not generally the same as other people's.  I thought it was "romantic" sharing a meal with my sweetie [ profile] datan0de and his wife [ profile] femetal.  I thought it was "romantic" when he drew a stick-figure drawing of me murding people on the styrofoam box (which I then cut out and kept).  I once thought it was "romantic" that someone replaced my car stereo for me, when mine died, as a surprise when I went out of town and lent him my car.  I thought it was "romantic" to have sex with someone for the first time while his wife was in bed with us listening and sharing the experience with us.  I thought it was "romantic" having [ profile] tacit intentionally push my emotional buttons and make me do something I was *extremely* uncomfortable doing but wanted to get over being uncomfortable about.  I thought it was "romantic" having [ profile] tacit go through my answers to his online fetish meme and having him accept and embrace those parts of me I am most embarassed about.  I thought it was "romantic" that both [ profile] tacit and [ profile] datan0de eagerly jumped at the chance to allow me to make clones of their penises so that I can use them to masturbate with.  But, I'm weird like that.

What do you really want to be doing right now?
There are so many different things that I want to be doing, I don't know if I could pick any one of them as higher priority than the others.  I really want to be at Dragoncon right now - [ profile] datan0de and [ profile] tacit have been frustratingly vague and teasing about their plans scheming and I'm probably rushing towards my own impending doom but I can't help eagerly anticipating the fruits of the truce I helped to orchestrate back at Frolicon.  I want to be working on a dozen different costumes I have planned, including a complete Victorian outfit (from the undergarments on out), 3 more Evil Elemental Elves, a latex comicbook Catwoman, the new addition of armor to my old latex Baroness, a pile of dance skirts I've been meaning to make out of old concert t-shirts when I worked on the crew, and lots more chain mail!  I want to be admiring my soon-to-be-newly-cleaned and organized room that will hopefully stay clean and organized after I get all the rest of the crap put away that I took out of my room to sort so I can pack for Dragoncon and that I had to pick up off the floor because it flooded 3 days ago and the carpet is still wet.  I want to be doing any number of things on my updated and revised Sex Acts I Haven't Done Yet And Want To list with [ profile] tacit[ profile] datan0de  and [ profile] zensidhe (some of them require a combination of 2 or all 3 of the boys at once, and one or two could  even accomodate their spouses).  And I want to be cuddled up on my new and comfy bed, eating ice cream with [ profile] datan0de and watching cheesy '80s movies. #NRE

How many colleges did you attend?
3 different colleges, 4 different majors.  I think I'm done now.

Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's black, it's warm (the A/C is on really high to try and dry out the carpet), and it was on top of the pile in the drawer.  This is actually my usual answer, except substitute "it's warm" for "it's cool in this fucking Florida humidity".

What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I think it's a complicated mess, but overall the price pisses me off, so I just keep reminding myself that when the prices skyrocketed, there was suddenly a push to find alternative fuel sources, and when they dropped, the focus on alt. sources dropped.

First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Hazy memories of, um, video chat with [ profile] datan0de earlier this morning - his morning starts several hours earlier than mine does, so I went back to bed.  I could really get used to waking up early for more um-video chats!

Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Angry thoughts of things I didn't say in my last response to my most recent breakup discussion (and the realization that it was probably a good thing I stopped the discussion before I said them, which is why they're running around in my brain now - no outlet).

Do you miss being a child?
Ugh, other than the part where someone else paid for all the bills and I could just blissfully expect the lights to turn on tomorrow through no intervention on my part, no, I don't miss anything about being a child.  All the best parts I got to keep, only now I know some things about life that the child-me couldn't possibly - and that makes even the best kid-parts way better!

What errand/chore do you despise?
Dishes.  I'd rather do any other household chore than dishes.  That includes cleaning the bathroom.  I might actually bother to cook again if I had someone else to clean my dishes for me.  Even when I *can* make a dish for just one person, I almost always opt not to in favor of not doing dishes afterwards.  Meals that cook in their own container are my friend!

Get up early or sleep in?
If by "get up early" you mean "early evening"... 

Have you found real love yet?
Several times.  Is there "love" that isn't real?

Favorite lunch meat:
Cold, sliced "lunchmeat": turkey.  Hot meat that just happens to be eaten at lunchtime: steak.

What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
A major dip in my checking account.

Beach or lake?
Totally depends on the context.  I'll take a CA beach over a tropical beach any day, but for swimming, I prefer warm water and I prefer to swim without wildlife and bacteria (unless it's with dolphins).  Also, depends on whether the activity is for photos, for hanging out with friends, for swimming, for tanning, or for sex.  All very different requirements.

Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
First, I think the government needs to decide if it is going to regulate it as per contract law, in which case, keep the damn religious morality out of it, or if it's going to be a "religious observance", in which case, keep the damn government out of it.  I think the current version of legal marriage is a patchwork of changing morality and legal structure haphazardly slapped onto an outdated practice.  What people use marriage for today is not what marriage used to be used for, but the structure incorporates elements from previous incarnations and it shouldn't.  I have no problem with people wanting to define their marriages as something that is not based on past models, but I do have a problem with the fact that the legal and religious structures *do* continue to build on past models.

Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Never seen either.

What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Wow, there are so many.  Living or non?  Darwin, Dawkins, Randi, the Founding Fathers, Penn & Teller, John Steward Mill

Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Several times.  I have pictures.

Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Not for it's *intended* purpose, no.

Ring tone?
The only free ringtone I have that sounds most like a classic phone.

Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Probably in a parking lot.

Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I managed to grow up in CA and still never make it to Muir Woods or Yosemite!  Muir Woods was supposed to be my Graduation Trip, but my friends all flaked out on me and I never got to go.

Do you go to church?
Hahahahaha.  No, but I used to sing in the church choir.  I would, however, love to do a series of erotic photos inspired by a set I saw recently by a guy who is getting sued for taking erotic photos in a church.  I would also LOVE to have sex in a confessional!  I gave a blowjob once behind the church during choir practice, and I had sex in the parking lot, but I want to try it in some more, uh, difficult places.

At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Neither.  I love my career and I hope I can do it for the rest of my life, although I would like to move up on the ladder a bit more, work more often, and make better wages.  I don't fancy changing my career and I rather don't fancy having to start the same career over again somewhere new if I have to work my way up from the bottom like I've already done twice in this same career (first when I got started, and again when I moved to FL).  I have also just started a new relationship that's going fantastically, and a new um-friendship that's been quite fun, plus I'm still with my long-time sweetie and a very-occasional FWB of several years, so I'm rather polysaturated at the moment.

How old are you?

Do you have a go to person?
Depends on for what.  I go-to my FWB for car repairs and uncomplicated, vanilla sex, I go-to my parents for financial assistance, I go-to my sweeties for emotional support and more complicated sex and just hanging out for fun.  I no longer have anyone I can count on for the practical applications of legal issues in emergencies.  My parents are the backup source for that, but they live far away and don't really understand some of my wishes in case of emergency - but they know the processes and as next of kin, there are no legal difficulties barring their ability to intervene.

Are you where you want to be in life?
I am *mostly* where I want to be in life.  My life is pretty fucking awesome, but there are a few things I wouldn't mind improving.  I'd like to work more often, particularly more camera work.  I'd like to travel more often, which I could do if I worked more often.  I'd like to not be living in Florida, but at the same time, I love my job and my friends here and don't want to leave them.  If I could either transplant all of that to Northern CA or I could transplant the weather and the geography (and a few West-Coast friends) here, then things would be perfect, even without more work or more travel.  Although life falls short of "perfection", it's still really where I want to be.  I'm even right about where I want to be in my emotional development - some things have been handled and some things are in the process of being handled, and I'm OK with that.

Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
G.I. Joe, Transformers, He-Man & She-Ra, Jem & The Holograms, Voltron, Smurfs, Gummy Bears, Loony Tunes, Animaniacs

What about you do you think has changed the most?
I've changed an awful lot about myself - mostly my outlook on things as I've gained access to better education.  I no longer believe in anything supernatural, for instance, whereas I was a practicing wiccan as early as 2nd grade and I believed in ghosts and reincarnation and ESP.  I discovered polyamory and no longer believe in The One True Way for relationships.

Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
Oh fuck no!  I had fun for some of it, but man was I naive!  I also had a lot of shit that I wouldn't wish on anyone else.  Graduation day was both the best and worst day of my life.  I'm so glad I'm not back there anymore!

Are there times you still feel like a kid?
That's difficult - mostly as a kid I didn't feel like a kid.  I've never really felt like a "kid", but I do retain a sense of amusement, of awe, and a little bit of silliness.

Did you ever own troll dolls?
I think I did, but I can't say for certain if those in my memory were actually mine or my sister's.

Did you have a pager?
Yep, it's how my older, high-school-drop-out fiance and I communicated throughout the day while I was still in school and how I convinced my mom to let me out of her sight once I got my driver's license because she could just page me if she wanted to reach me.  I still have my old list of pager codes somewhere, that used a series of 3-digit codes to communicate just about anything you might want to say to someone - and whatever the codes didn't cover, the numeric alphabet did.

Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
Depends on context.  On campus, my clique's spot was the payphone out behind the cafeteria, where we could send pager messages back and forth to our respective boyfriends.  In the neighborhood, it was the community pool, where we were eligible to work starting at age 12 and where we were all on the swim team together, so we gathered mostly without parental supervision because the parents all assumed we were being supervised by the adult managers (who were never there).

Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
Since I don't want kids, that's a hard question.  My version of "children" are my cats, and sure, I think I made a great pet-friend as a kid.  I think I would have made a good influence on my nephew, so that's about as close as I can get to really parsing that question.

Who do you think impacted your life the most?
Depends on context, like almost anything else.  My high school counselor & my sister (with severe emotional issues) prompted my interest in psychology and sociology that I still use today in my activism.  My Acting For Film & Television teacher convinced me to change majors and go into the entertainment industry, and that has seriously impacted my life.  My second fiance was so horribly possessive and controlling that he prompted me into swearing off monogamy forever.  [ profile] meowse was the first person to say the word "polyamory" to me, so I'd say that had a pretty fucking huge impact on my life.  [ profile] tacit has been my inspiration and my foundation for all the self-improvement and self-exploration I have done over the last 5 years and he has taken me in leaps and bounds into the person I am today.

Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you?
I originally answered this in the previous question, since the answers apply, but I'll leave them separated here instead.  

Mrs. Gertz, my kindergarten teacher first prompted my passion for teaching and mentoring.  I went back and mentored her class for years afterwards.  She also encouraged an interest in computers and robotics that, to this day, I regret I never followed through on, when she brought in a computer-controlled wireless robot about 3 or 4 feet tall that I could give simple commands to that made it roll forward, backward, turn to the left or right, or spin in place.  I'm pretty sure it did other things, but that's all I remember it doing.  I was the only one in the class who grasped the concepts at that age enough to "program" the robot without help or supervision.  She also encouraged my interest in musical instruments.

My second-grade teacher, Mrs. Freeman sparked an interest in learning that far outweighed any other general interest in learning I had before or that any other teacher garnered since (a few sparked interests in particular subjects, but she fostered a love of learning for learning's sake).  She's the one who insisted I go into the Gifted And Talented Educational program even though I was passed over for testing for it in first grade, when we were usually tested for it.  

Our school librarian, whose name escapes me now but whose face I can still see clearly, with her messy brunette bun atop her head and penchant for denim jumpers, encouraged my love of books, rather than discouraged as so many people did before.  I was such a voracious reader that most people were telling me to put down my books, not pick up more.  Oh!  Her name was Mrs. Gellman.  She made me editor of the school paper, where I interviewed famous children's authors that she brought to the school and where I learned how to use a word processor.

I mentioned my high school counselor above.  I didn't really see her much outside of our required scholastic counseling, until my then-best-friend was abused by her father and I "kidnapped" her to rescue her and enlisted the help of the school counselor to keep her safe using the legal system.  I also went to my counselor for advice on how to mediate between my mother and my deeply troubled sister, who has since gotten most of her shit together.

My high-school alegebra teacher stands out because she was one of the last teachers to ever really understand that my brain works at a different pace than everyone else's.  I'm not particuarly smart compared to other people, but I do grasp concepts quickly and I learn better by reading/doing than by hearing.  Our school was college-prep, so we were given syllabuses like in college, that told us what to expect for the entire semester, including our homework assignments.  I would do my homework for the entire week in class on Monday, teaching myself from the book rather than listen to the lecture, and that allowed me to read in class all the rest of the week.  The teacher thought I was cheating because I didn't appear to pay attention yet I always got A's and I also never showed my work because I had a tendency to skip steps in my head.  One day, convinced she would "catch" me, she had me solve a problem on the board that was from later in that week's lesson, that she hadn't yet taught us to solve.  I stared at it for a few minutes, then wrote the answer without writing out any of the steps.  She asked how I arrived at the answer, I told her, she made me write out each step (which was *painfully* tedious to me), and I rolled my eyes and complied.  She never disbelieved me after that and, in fact, made me a math tutor for the next 3 years in geometry, alebra II and trig, even awarding me some kind of exemplary student award in math my junior year.  She was one of the last teachers to allow me to prove myself to her and to earn her respect based on my actual abilities, and to then treat me as an adult.  Almost all my college teachers thereafter expected me follow the plan whether it applied to me or not.

My Acting For Film And Television teacher, whom I mentioned above, also treated me as an adult and, once I had proved myself, took me at face value and respected me accordingly.  He stands out for his passionate argument that I was too talented and skilled to give up on the entertainment industry and that I could indeed make a living at it.  And I've never looked back.

--Okay. Your turn!
joreth: (Misty in Box)
After a rather pleasant evening in the company of some of my favorite Freaks, [ profile] datan0de IMs me the next day with the following (reproduced with permission):

Welcome to Lie Of Omission Theater, where we use completely true statements to fabricate a complete lie!

* [profile] datan0de affects Brooklyn/gangster accent

So there's this dame ... I didn't mean for nothin' to happen, but sometimes you can't help it, ya' know?

This girl's somethin' special- sharp as a tack, don't take crap from no one. She really knows how to take care of herself. And talk about a looker! She's smokin'!

So last night she comes into town and we get together. We're havin' a ball, and finally I invite her back to my place. We both know what's up.

So uh, long story short- her boyfriend shows up with a gun! Now I'm no slouch but this is one intimidatin' lookin' guy. He's fuckin' huge, long hair, tattoos, always wears boots. Real biker lookin' type, you know what I mean?

Shit gets weird after that. Next thing you know guns are comin' out left and right! By the time it's all over, he's got his gun out, I'm injured, she's got my gun, and my wife comes in and she's packin' too! Fuckin' nuts!
Fortunately nobody got killed. Even more fortunately, the neighbors didn't call the cops!

Heh. And this dame left in such a hurry that she left some of her clothes behind.

[ profile] datan0de switches back to normal voice.

That's all.

As an side note - this is exactly why I prefer a state of Total Honesty and why I consider "lies of omission" to be real lies just as any other lie.  Leaving stuff out, particularly when done intentionally for misdirection, can create just as false of an impression as an outright lie - and justifying it by claiming to have told "just the truth" does not excuse the tactic.  In my opinion, it makes it even worse.  I've tried it on several occasions when people make it difficult to want to be completely honest, for whatever reason, in poor attempts of tact and diplomacy on my part, and it only seems to make things even more complicated than simply accepting the trouble that being totally honest would have gotten me in the first place.

But, obviously, this was all in fun, and my little side note should not be taken as an implication of any sort regarding the story or the story teller.  I just sometimes over-think stuff and I can't seem to resist an opportunity to lecture people :-)

Now the fun part. What do you think *really* happened?
joreth: (Polydragon)
Can this song be any more perfect for me? Other than the very last line about "can't live my life without". This goes along with my page about What I Want In A Relationship and the end bit of How I "Do" Poly. Unfortunately, I can't find the video in a blog-able format, so you'll just have to follow the link to see/hear it.  This song is perfect for my sweetie  [personal profile] tacit

That's What I Like About You
Trisha Yearwod

I like a man who's crazy about me
I like a man who can live without me too
That's what I like about you 

I like a man who will lay down beside me
I like a man who will stand up to me too
That's what I like about you

Don't want a man to be my twin
Under my thumb, under my skin
Don't want a man like a shadow on the ground
With nothing else to do but follow me around

I like a man who will cry on my shoulder
Who don't mind if I cry sometimes too
That's what I like about you

I like a man who can make it happen
Who can get me laughing when
my whole world breaks in two
That's what I like about you

You can be soft, honey, you can be strong
Maybe that's the reason we get along
Everything you do, you do just right
You're tender in love, tough in a fight

I like a man who will lay down beside me
Stand up to me, cry on my shoulder
Crazy 'bout me, can live without me too
That's what I like about, can't live my life without,
That's what I like about you.
joreth: (Polydragon)
Because I'm so good at procrastinating my chores, I decided to create a new wallpaper for my laptop. Usually I just rotate out images from my stock photography. But recently, something unusual occured. I actually have a photo of me and one of my sweeties ... and I like how I look in it! First of all, I rarely like how I look in photos. Second, I'm usually the one taking the photos so it's uncommon to get one with me and a sweetie in the same image. 

joreth: (Default)
so when do the bombs start falling?

I'm very happy right now.  I'm bouncy.  I had to say it because I'm so happy and I can't keep it silent but no one that I talk to about stuff like this is online right now so I'm effusing all over LJ.  This scares me.  It can't possibly remain this good for very long.

Lots of babbling about happiness )