The Journal Of The InnKeeper

First panel - Me, standing at my camera, hands on the camera arms, looking up at the viewfinder, me and the tripod on our respective risers.

Next panel - A person walks up and places a bottle of water on the edge of my riser without even looking at me, eyes on the stage in front of us.  I look down at them.

Next panel - I continue to stare at them aggressively.

Next panel - they notice me staring and look up at me with a confused look on their face.

Next panel - two-shot of me staring at them, them looking back at me, confused.

Next panel - close-up of my face, staring. I now have whiskers and little cat ears poking out of the top of my hoodie.

Next panel - over-the-shoulder angle of me from behind, still staring at them, still looking confused at me. I have a tail now.

Next several panels - all different angles of me staring at them, glaring at them, and gradually turning more and more into a cat.

Second-to-last panel - Me, as a giant black cat, standing on a camera riser, staring aggressively at the other person, as I slowly and deliberately move a paw towards their water bottle and knock it to the ground, holding their eye the whole time.

Final panel - they sheepishly figure out why I've been staring at them this whole time as they bend to pick up their trash, embarrassed, and put it in the waste bin.

#backstage #CameraOp #ThisIsMyWorkSpaceNotYourFuckingTrashCanOrCounterTop #EveryTouchOfTheRiserShakesTheCameraOnScreen #DoNotTouchTheFuckingRiser #AVlife

A cast of characters like Awkward Yeti, of the various body organs, but personalities to fit my own quirks. In this case, we have #AnorexicBrain and #AnorexicStomach and #SleepDisorderHormones

Brain: We will focus on the task at hand.

Me: But it's not the task I want to be doing! I have important shit to do and this is just surfing the...

Brain: Focus...

Brain: Focus...



[hours pass]

Me: [finally remembers something I actually want to get done online, to justify sitting at the computer this whole time]

Stomach: OMG HANGRY RIGHT NOW MUST HAVE FOOD OR WE WILL DIE!!!!!!!

Me: Fuck, dude, chill out! I'm right in the middle of something, I'll get food in like 5 minutes.

Stomach: 5 minutes is way too long! We'll be starving before then!

Brain: I will then cut off all the hunger signals so that you can focus and direct the body immediately into starvation mode! Metabolism! Slow down! Circulation! Drop! Fat production! Speed up!

Me: No, wait, you don't have to do that, I'll get up in a minute, I just meant, y'know, tone it down a bi....

Brain: Focus...

Me: [back to task]

[a few hours later]

Stomach: WTF WILL YOU GET OFF YOUR FUCKING ASS AND FUCKING EAT SOMETHING ALREADY WE ARE ALMOST DEAD RIGHT NOW WE ARE LITERALLY DYING RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

Me: Shit! I forgot to eat again. OK, here, I put some food in the microwave, it'll be ready in 3 minutes, calm down!

Brain: Oh, see there? Food is started! Problem solved! Nothing to see here, move along, everyone go back to what you're doing, all danger signals can be turned off now.

Stomach: Hold on, last time we did that, she forgot...

Brain: Focus...

Me: [goes back to the computer for another couple hours]

Stomach: DED NAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleep Disorder Hormones: Nope, sorry, time for sleep. Everything shut down immediately! This is not a drill!

Me: But... [sleep]

#ThingsIWantToToon: A big fat guy in a tuxedo standing in front of a giant pipe sucking the water out of a lake in California and pushing it towards a factory, facing "the camera" and telling the readers that if we just stop taking long showers and we turn off the water while we brush our teeth and we only water our lawns every other Thursday, we can solve the drought crisis.

Next panel - a middle class white lady pops her head into the frame to suggest that it's the reader's fault we're having environmental issues for not regulating our water usage at home well enough and oh by the way, give up plastic straws too, because the dumping in the ocean is also totes our fault.

In the first panel, either what looks like a slave auction or a sad animal shelter, with unicorns up for sale and human couples wandering around, looking at the offerings, all holding really long checklists and mostly shaking their heads at the unicorns who don't meet their criteria while the cute little unicorn foals bounce in their cages, hoping to be chosen.  Outside, there is a line of couples trailing off into infinity, and only a handful of unicorns available for sale.

BTW, the couples should all look like clones of each other, with older men, very young women, piercings, tattoos, and probably some kind of pot symbol somewhere on them like in jewelry or on a t-shirt or something.  He should be hipster, she should be borderline goth.  And of course they should be cishet.

Next panel, we should see some of the same unicorns (all unique and identifiable, like My Little Ponys) getting dropped back off at the auction / shelter with angry or disgusted looks on the couples faces.  Maybe in a long Returns line or something.

Then we see those same unicorns, now a little more battered and disheveled, up for sale again and getting purchased.

And returned again.

And repeat for a 3rd time.  Each panel showing the unicorns looking more and more bedraggled and less and less excited about being chosen.

Finally, in the last panel, a handler drags one of the unicorns out to show, and she is resisting as hard as she can, angry, rearing up, digging in her hooves, baring her teeth, ears laid back, she clearly doesn't want to go.  She has battle scars.  Another unicorn is being dragged off the show floor or stage by her couple, in a similarly angry and scarred state.

The other veteran unicorns are all huddling together in their pen, while the new, young unicorns who don't know any better are jumping around in their own cages, hoping to be adopted.

From the audience appraising the one being brought out to show, one of the couples calls out "what's your problem? We're just looking for someone to love us! why you gotta be so defensive?! We haven't done anything to you!"

While, maybe outside, a trio of humans all holding hands walks past, looking in the window, and musing "look how they treat those poor creatures! It's so sad! I wish we could get these places shut down!"

#ItIsNotAboutTheTriad #TheyAreNotPetsTheyAreFuckingAutonomousHumanBeings #ItIsNotTheStructureItIsTheMethod #IfYouAreNotHuntingThenWeAreNotComplainingAboutYouSoWhyYOUgottaBeSoDefensive? #UnicornHunterBingo #SeriouslyTheyAllSoundLikeTheHipsterVersionOfStepfordCouples #Yall40SomethingMenDating20SomethingSubmissiveWomenWantingAnotherSubbyAreReallyFuckingCreepy #ScarfbeardManbun #SeptumpierceUndercut #QueeringHeterosexuality #JointTinderAccountForThreeways