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http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2016/03/be-brutally-polyamorous/
NRE spikes my libido temporarily with the new partner, and he gets used to the idea that I like lots of sex and *technically* have another partner but he never really has to deal with it.
Later, when NRE wears off, my sex drive drops and he starts to feel abandoned, like I've lost interest. And then, inevitably, someone new comes along, spikes my libido again, and now he has to deal with me suddenly dating someone new when he had gotten used to basically having me all to himself, on *top* of whatever other insecurity he feels about my roller-coastering libido.
I am *not* a beginner relationship.
People do not do well with change in relationships (me included), so don't make polyamory itself into one of those changes if y'all know going into the relationship that it is supposed to be polyamorous.
"“I’m polyamorous, but my partner’s new to this. They say they’re okay with what I’ve told them about poly, but… I can tell they’re nervous. So I’m going to damp it down for a while just to be kind to them – I’ll go easy on the side-dating.”From the archives, this blog piece from Ferret explains why the "ease them in" method of polyamory is a terrible method, and why it's actually less kind than the alternative.
Don’t do that.
Your kindness will rip ’em to shreds.
Because if you give someone an artificial trial period, one where you give them the faux-monogamous experience to make them comfortable, then all you’re doing is lulling them into a sense of “Oh, this is what it’s like.”"
"And here’s one of the central truths about relationships: What usually scares people the most is deviations from the established norm."I've seen this from personal experience more times than I'm proud to admit, and I've seen it from observations in the poly community so often that it's a cliche. And even after I had learned this lesson, and firmly held this to be true, my libido is so low that I just don't have much *room* for a lot of partners. So a new partner often gets to know me when I have, like, only 1 other partner and he's long-distance.
"Giving them a “trial period” and then dropping the big change of “Oh yeah, I date other people now” is going to hurt someone unfamiliar to polyamory more. Often, a lot more. You are doing them zero kindnesses."
NRE spikes my libido temporarily with the new partner, and he gets used to the idea that I like lots of sex and *technically* have another partner but he never really has to deal with it.
Later, when NRE wears off, my sex drive drops and he starts to feel abandoned, like I've lost interest. And then, inevitably, someone new comes along, spikes my libido again, and now he has to deal with me suddenly dating someone new when he had gotten used to basically having me all to himself, on *top* of whatever other insecurity he feels about my roller-coastering libido.
I am *not* a beginner relationship.
People do not do well with change in relationships (me included), so don't make polyamory itself into one of those changes if y'all know going into the relationship that it is supposed to be polyamorous.
