Form Emails

[joreth]

Y'know guys, we can tell when you write a form letter.  At least some of us can.  And some of us are not nice about it and we'll tell everyone else in the community about you.  Eventually, your reputation will proceed you and your form letter will be laughed at around the internet before you even have a chance to send it.

READ THE FUCKING PROFILES FIRST!  I don't know how many times I have to say this before ya'll get a clue. 

I received a form letter that was quite a bit longer than my usual form letter.  But it was still a form letter.  And I could tell.  I refuse to believe that I'm the most intelligent women on OKC and I'm the only one who can sniff out a form letter, spam, or a fake profile.  So if I can tell it's bullshit, I can't be the only one.  The difference between me and most of the other women, however, is that I will broadcast it all over the internet.

Before I actually get to the letter I received (as you all should know by now I will publish it), let me relate a story.  Some idiot emailed me not to long ago and I published the corresondence as I usually do.  And before anyone comments ... again ... that I should lighten up or I'll never meet anyone, OKC is the only "dating" site I'm on, and I'm there for the tests.  Occasionally I do meet worthwhile people (3 of my current boyfriends and 1 friendly-ex are there too), but that's sort of like a bonus to me, not the point.  I am also on a "matchmaking" site that is geared towards polyamorists, but again, I'm not there to meet people - that site has another feature I like ... the forums. 

I spend a lot of time arguing in the forums and basically making a pain in the ass of myself with my unpopular opinions.  So here I am, browsing through the threads, when I come across a comment from a woman who received an email from a guy on that site.  She used a couple of phrases that sounded disturbingly familiar.  A couple of comments down, I see another woman chiming in saying that it sounded a lot like an email *she* just received, and she gave a couple of other quotes.  I went back through my inbox, and sure enough, those exact phrases were located in my email too.  So I cross-posted the journal entry regarding this particular loser on that site as well (I had previously posted it OKC and here on my livejournal). 

What this story means is that this guy is now known on 3 of the major meeting websites for writing a form letter, and specific phrases from his form letters are being published all over the internet so that his form letters will be recognized as form letters before he even tries to approach someone new.

So, let's just say, in your spamming of ladies on the internet, you just happen to avoid me and one of the many other women who chat about our experiences in a public forum.  All the other women get your email, find nothing of interest in it because it's so incredibly generic (it has to be, in order to apply to thousands of women), or it is clearly obvious that it's a form letter because in its effort to avoid sounding generic, it says certain details that show you haven't actually read their profile (asking what she does for a living when she says so in her profile is a dead giveway, btw).  So at best, you've managed to alienate a bunch of women who might have actually responded back if your initial contact email were simply just personalized and showed some effort that you want to get to know *her*, not just any woman online.  At worst, you've contacted me or someone like me, and you've been passed around the internet, name and contact information and all, and all other women have been warned away from you before you can meet them and win them over with your stunningly bland personality.

So, on to the latest MisAdventures of Online Skeezballs (I was very nice, but if he responds with more idiocy, that will change and I'll be sure to post that too):

=====adamcol111 wrote=====
Subject line:  Hello sexy

Hello how are u doin?
it take me a great pleasure to use my private and busy period in jotting this note, we'll i come a cross ur profile and it make me amazine.I`m 41, single and live on my own. Working on the house making it comfortable. Employed most days. In the evenings go to the gym, sauna, play tennis, go for bike ride or watch TV for a bit. I look after myself, like to feel clean and fresh and stay relaxed and in control. Try to lead an active energetic life and stay fit and healthy.
Im 41 and fit / active. I enjoy a wide variety of interests. I am very warm and loving. By nature I am easy going ,tolerant and loyal. I do not tell lies and if the truth hurts then so be it. I do not like being on this system but hopefully it will be a means to an end to find that special lady.
i am kind,considerate and very loving.i am looking for the same in a woman.im not looking for a "rich chick",but as long as my partner has an occupation,we could have a good life together.she does not have to be accademic but she can be.i work 45-50 hours a week as a businessman . just looking for someone who is normale like me i sometimes feel a little insecure and need someone to give me a cudlel now and then if i find the right person for me i give a 100 TO THE RELATIOSHIP.NO LOOKING FOR ONE NIGHTSTAND someone to share the ups and downs with in life i want to start a new chapter in my life and want to share it with someone if things click. i promise to love u fully walking hand to hand in the future we are about to creat pls babe i wan't u to know that i will never love any order person but only if u could trust in me and believe that i will be alway be there for u. i wan't u to tell me ur opinion and also send me ur mail box, add me to your yahoo IM id so that we can chat and know more about each other..here is my id iamhapstudu@yahoo.com@yahoo.com.......... colvin

=====joreth wrote=====
I REALLY suggest you read people's profiles before sending out your form letters and I REALLY suggest you read mine in particular so that you fully understand what you got yourself into by contacting me.

======================

So, let's play a game.  Feel free to play at home, participating online isn't necessary unless you really want to.  Can you find all the signs this is a pre-written "form" letter?  Can you identify all the signs that says he didn't actually read my profile?  I'll give you a hint ... the first sign is in the subject line.  When I can tell it's a form letter before I even open it ... you're doing something very very wrong.

Comments

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

ha! Thank you for a morning's amusement.

That's pretty bad. Although just the spelling and phrasing issues would be enough for me to hit the delete button. And yeah, anyone who messages me with a subject line of "Hello Sexy" had better know me reaaaaallly well...

[joreth]

Oh, it gets better ... he responded!

Yeah, as I've said before somewhere else, I enjoy hearing that my partners think I'm attractive, even when I don't see it for myself. But the reason I can enjoy hearing them say it is because I know they like me for who I am, which is far more important to me than what I look like. If I'm sexually involved with someone, yeah, it feels good to know they think I'm sexy. But part of what makes me attractive to my partners is the rest of me. In other words, my "sexiness" is a combination of my looks and the rest of what makes me who I am. I just can't appreciate anyone thinking I'm "sexy" without knowing who I am as a person. Chances are, once they get to know me, they'll be so annoyed by me they won't think I'm sexy anymore.

[joreth]

=====adamcol111 wrote=====
Thanks for your swift reply but can you tell me more about yourself?........Hope to hear from you soonest and have a great weekend


=====Joreth wrote=====
Once again, I have to urge you to read my profile. If you have to ask me to tell you about myself, you clearly didn't read it. If anything, YOU should be telling me about YOURSELF to give me a reason to WANT to talk to you.

And I'm quite certain you will be unhappy about the consequences for not reading my profile, but ignorance of the consequences will not excuse you nor save you from your fate.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

/giggles with glee/
oh, that's too much. He responds to your response with another form letter?!?!

I shudder for the fate of humanity. Joreth, I've mentioned this before, but damn, woman, how do you attract the wierdos?!

again, thanx for the entertainment.

[joreth]

Yeah, what a perfect example for a form letter rant, huh? I wish I could take credit for it and say I wrote it to prove a point, but the sad, sad fact is that this is merely a typical online day for me.

:-D I think I attract the wierdos simply because I'm so out there and public. But hey, as my old producer used to say, any event I lived through at least makes a great story! If I have to be subjected to these fools as the payment for an online presence, well, at least I can provide a source of entertainment for my friends!

[leora.livejournal.com]

Given the writing, he may just not be able to read or write English... A form letter is one thing, but that poorly written a form letter... that strikes me as really shoddy.

The whole bit about liking to feel clean and fresh makes me think of a feminine hygiene commercial. Is that just me?

It's also easier to tell it's a form letter for you, because it's steeped in monogamy. Monogamous females would probably find it harder to tell. I don't date order people either though, I only date other people.

[joreth]

I am starting to suspect that the majority of form letters are coming from people for whom English is not their first language, and therefore the form letter phenomenon may be a combination of things such as a culture that doesn't value individuality as highly as Americans do and/or a form letter is easier to write once than struggling through a foreign language several different times. But, in any event, I certainly don't appreciate them and I have yet to hear from any woman who does.

I also agree that it's easier to tell with me because I have some very clear red-flag points that are very different from the majority of women these guys are writing to. So hopefully I can shed some light on this tactic for women who do not have such clear signals and for these men who might otherwise not get any negative response since so many women's method of dealing with this is to simply delete them, and that doesn't teach the guys this is inappropriate.

Or, no one will learn anything and we can just laugh in the relative privacy of my livejournal.

[serolynne.livejournal.com]

Obviously, I get my share of these too. Depending on my mood, I either 'play' them or just delete.

I had a recent one that I replied to, after reading the sender's profile and seeing he had a daughter.. and just wrote back 'Sorry, I'm not interested in having children in my life.'. He wrote back, saying 'Oh, neither do I'. Knowing his profile, I replied with 'Oh.. I feel so sorry for your daughter. Growing up with a father who didn't want her.'

At least it wasn't a form letter response after the first e-mail.. but it was still an amusing exchange. Apparently, what he meant was he didn't want any more children. But I digress...



I look at these sorts of spam form letters to be akin to distributing their profile to potential suitors. I guess it has the same odds of working as randomnly distributing your resume to any company address you can find.. in that you'll likely end up getting replies offering telemarketing jobs or work at home scams, when you have a background in engineering.

Other times.. these form letters just lead to setting up a scam.

[joreth]

Goodness! That's a good reply though. I think somewhere in the vault of Online Skeezballs posts there is an exchange where someone said something totally contradictory to something he said in his profile and I called him on it, and he neither changed his profile to accomodate nor changed his approach with me in IM.

The concept of using online dating spam as a resume-flood approach is interesting. It reminds me of an episode of Sex And The City where Charlotte (the ultra conservative SJ whose sole goal in life is to get married) decides that hanging out with dysfunctional women is hurting her chances at finding a mate, so (after reading this book on the subject), she starts using her married friends' husbands to set her up with eligible men and she approaches the whole project as a business. Y'know, setting up "interviews", laying out her mission statement and projections, and basically pursuing the marriage certificate the way she would attack any business project or attempt to attract a client. It's quite amusing.