Why Aren't There More Women In Atheism?

[joreth]

Question:
Why aren't there more women involved in atheism & skepticism, and in particular, why don't they come to the conferences?

Answer:
Well, besides daycare and expense issues, many of us don't come because we feel we are often dismissed, judged for our looks first and brains second (if at all), ignored, talked over, condescended to, hit on, and there is an underlying attitude of sexism and misogyny, not to mention being outnumbered by so many men, even if they are being nice.  Sometimes, I even feel afraid for my own safety because my concerns are not taken seriously and my wishes to not be hit on are ignored.

Responses:

• "Smart women are hot."
• "Oh lighten up, you should be flattered that men want to hit on you!"
• "Consider yourself lucky that men hit on you! I wouldn't be upset if more women hit on me!"
• "Please, you're not pretty enough for anyone to hit on you or rape you, so relax."
• "You think you have problems? There are women in other countries who are being beaten and mutilated! You have no room to complain because of how good you have it here!"
• "Let's get some perspective on this. Men have problems too, y'know. We have to deal with you being afraid of us, and every so often, a man gets raped too."
• "The problem with women is that you're just too emotional. I understand that this is an emotional topic, but you're not discussing this in a rational manner. There's no evidence that any of this happens or that it's the reason why so many women stay away; you're just a single data point."
• "You used some words that I mistakenly attribute to man-hating feminazis because someone else told me that use of these words is anti-men. So I'm not even going to listen to your actual point because I don't like the words you used. Instead, I'm going to throw my own loaded terminology at you like 'feminist propaganda' and 'agenda' and 'reverse sexism' and then unironically complain about not getting your point across because I have a problem with the words you use."
• "You fucking bitch, I hope you get raped."
• "You're just an attention-whore."
• "*cough*dramaqueen*cough*"
• "Does getting all this attention from men get you wet? Because you seem like the kind of woman that does."
• "I'm totally going to cop a feel when I see you at the next convention.  What? It was just a joke!"
• "I'm going to drug you and rape you."

Several of these comments are direct quotes.  In fact, the most offensive ones are the direct quotes. So please do not tell me that I'm building straw men or overreacting. I have a right to be both afraid and angry at the way women are treated in this culture even though men can have bad things happen to them too and even though women in other countries have it worse.

Comments

[joreth]

Actually, I have heard these things in person. I can't speak for Rebecca, since I don't know which of her respondents she knows personally or not.

[joreth]

Different places. I've had people say these things to me at work, at nightclubs, walking down the street, at the mall, in front of a woman's clinic that performs abortions. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

It's the primary reason why, not only do I wear a switchblade on me at all times, but I don't hide that I do.

[joreth]

That's the problem - so many decent, respectful guys just *do not see* this kind of behaviour because they're guys. We have made so much progress in our society that it just boggles the mind to believe there are still people out there who behave like this. That's what makes it so frustrating to be told by people who have never and will never experience this sort of thing that we're being "too emotional" or to just get over it because it's "just words" or to hear that we shouldn't whine about men because they have it rough too.

I didn't even get into the worst of my stories, like having my arm popped out of my socket for rejecting a guy for a kiss, or being locked in a closet for a couple of hours as a way to "convince" me to make out with someone, or being duct taped to a support column and felt up.

Really, it's a fucking miracle I'm NOT a man-hating feminazi lesbian. People just do not want to believe that this stuff still happens, or that it only happens rarely and by obviously fucked up people, and it happens right here in the good ol' Land of the Free. These men were respected members of the community, athletes, students, people with jobs and even relationships. You couldn't tell from looking at them and many wouldn't believe me when I tried to tell people about it. Since the reaction was to either disbelieve me or try to figure out how I had "asked for it", eventually I stopped telling people about it. I became embarrassed that I was treated that way, as if it was my own fault.

Now that I say "bullshit, people need to know that this shit still happens", I talk about it, and what I get is "you're just being too emotional, you're just a single data point, this doesn't really happen". Y'know what? Yeah, I'm just a little bit emotional about people trying to rape me. That doesn't mean that I should be dismissed because I can't talk about gross injustice without feeling passionate about the subject.

[joreth]

THANK YOU

[petite-lambda.livejournal.com]

Oh holy fuck. Wow.

"you're just being too emotional, you're just a single data point, this doesn't really happen"

You're an amazingly kind person for not beating the crap out of someone who hears the above things and says that.

[petite-lambda.livejournal.com]

Unbelievable motherfuckers. Wow.