Jul. 15th, 2009

joreth: (Nude Drawing)
I'm reading a very long, but very interesting post on Age and Polyamory Organization, and there are a bunch of things that I want to discuss ... eventually. But there is one section here that seems short enough that I can make a quick comment here in my own LJ.

The author, Peppermint, has suggested 2 simple self-rules for meeting potential dating partners that I think is very good advice, and something I've done innately because I'm just a pragmatic sort of person.

The first rule is to set a minimum age limit.

Basically, the longer post is all about the cultural differences between people of very large age gaps and what that does to the polyamorous community in general. It is often very difficult to maintain a younger presence in the poly communities, and one of the biggest complaints in any alt-sex subculture is of older men hitting on much younger women. This article goes on a great length to explain why people of different age groups have trouble relating to each other, and I agree with the author that it is to our benefit to set a minimum age limit in our own dating standards.

Not that this needs to be a hard and fast, set in concrete rule, but, as Capt. Barbosa says, sort of a guideline. As Peppermint says:

1) Respect a lower age limit. If a person is below a certain age in comparison to your own, chances are they are different enough that they are not going to get along with you, and chances are they are not going to be interested in you. If someone is this age or younger, do not hit on them, no matter how cute they are.

He also references an XKCD comic that offers a formula of "age / 2 + 7", which would set my minimum age limit at 23. I actually set my minimum age limit at 27, and after my most recent disaster with a 27 year old, I'm tempted to up it to 29.

I don't think there is anything wrong with socializing with people significantly younger or older than oneself, providing one actually has enough in common to socialize with them, but I do think that significant age gaps have a tendency to include significant differences in life experiences and viewpoints, which tend to make dating someone of a different generation more difficult, although definitely not impossible.

And the cute college co-eds tend to run away when they think they're only going to get hit on by the Creepy Old Guy (which, of course, no one ever thinks he is, since many people tend to think of themselves as younger than they are).  So for those on dating sites in particular, or who meet in alt-sex venues where sexual connections can be of particular concern to certain demographics, this is an especially important suggestion.  If a younger person hits on you (and you're interested), well then, it's up to your own judgement whether or not to pursue it, but you can best avoid the Creepy Old Guy stigma if you just don't hit on or compliment someone on their appearance if they are in another generation, are more than half your age, or young enough to be your progeny.

I know it's controversial to say anything that could even superficially resemble "ageist" remarks, but I am talking about trends here, not absolutes, and the fact of the matter is that people really do go through life stages, and it really is more difficult to relate to people who are in a different life stage than oneself.

The second rule is, what Peppermint calls, a 30-minute rule. Don't hit on, compliment, or otherwise come-on to someone you have not been engaging in conversation with for at least 30 minutes steady.

This is a HUGE deal for the online dating scene. Everyone here has seen my Online Skeezeballs posts, where I rant and rave against creepy guys who contact me on the internet. One of my biggest pet peeves is being complimented on my physical appearance. Article after advice column after dating book all say that men should never compliment women on their appearance. They should, instead, compliment them on their acheivements. And if you absolutely cannot refrain from complimenting a woman on her appearance, then at least choose something she had a great deal of control over, like her wardrobe or accessories, and not her body.

I was once in an argument with someone who insisted that it was "gentlemanly" to compliment women and refused to listen to my suggestion that anything done to be "gentemanly" or "polite" in opposition to a direct request not to ceased to be "gentlemanly" or "polite", by definition. He then tried to defend himself by saying that if he has just met a woman, then he couldn't possibly know ahead of time if she would be the type of woman who wanted a compliment or was a woman like me who doesn't like compliments (so I should therefore sit down and take the damn compliment).

Which, of course, only backed up my own original suggestion that he talk to the women first and treat them like people, and get to know them before giving them a compliment so that he could make his compliments personal and individual, which is really what those of us who are opposed to physical compliments are really after in the first place.

So here, this 30-minute rule seems to be sort of an expansion on my suggestion of not complimenting women until you know whether she values that type of compliment. As Peppermint  points out, If you just met the person or saw them from across the room, then you have not established that chemistry, and hitting on them is a serious crap shoot, even though you might be physically attracted to them. You would be surprised at how well this rule operates, and this is simply because it creates an avenue for feedback.  

Peppermint goes on to clarify that the 30-minute rule does not trump the minimum age limit rule.  In other words, if the person you're talking to is below whatever minimum age limit you set for yourself, talking to them for more than 30 minutes doesn't erase your age-limit rule, to which I heartily agree.  Again, if the younger person is actively hitting on the older person, and the older person is amenable to a relationship, then I think the minimum age-limit rule can be reconsidered, but to avoid scaring away all the young folk and to not get labeled as Creepy Old Guy (or Creepy Mrs. Robinson, for the older ladies), don't hit on people significantly younger than yourself, and don't hit on anyone without having had an actual conversation with the person first, where the other person seems animated and happy to talk to you.  

To avoid being mistaken for hitting on someone when you weren't, assume that compliments on a person's physical appearance could be construed as a come-on whether you intended it or not so don't give them, particularly, when the person in question is in violation of these two rules (which means, for those of you on social networking sites, DON'T OPEN YOUR EMAIL WITH A COMPLIMENT ON THE APPEARANCE!).  Also, keeping one's eyes on the other person's face or around the room is much more preferable to glancing or staring at anything below the neck, regardless of how one is dressed.  The exception is to read someone's t-shirt, but after reading comprehension has occurred, keep the eyes above the neckline until you get to know the person and a level of flirting has been established.

So two very good bits of advice for the dating scene, or even just the social activity scene.  

Oh, OK

Jul. 15th, 2009 03:52 am
joreth: (Nude Drawing)
"If there is someone on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked with, let them tie you to a bed post, have them lick you until you scream, then fuck until both of you are senseless and unable to fuck anymore, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, post this exact sentence in your journal."

As [livejournal.com profile] tacit says, there are several people on my friends list that I have done this (or similar) with and several more that I haven't but would like to ... plus a good number of people I wouldn't mind doing this with all at once!  But I'm finding this particularly amusing right now in light of my recent party activities (along with a coincidental Twitter Astronomy Survey) so I'm joining the meme.

And for those of you on my friends list who are reasonably or even just pretty sure that this statement applies to you ... it probably does ;-)
joreth: (polyamory)
OK, so there seems to be some interest in a PolyDragon Beach Towel - sparked by a comment on Twitter. Since Twitter is too limited for all the relevant information, I'll post about it here.

I've looked up several venues for getting PolyDragon beach towels. The Poly Tees printer does not offer them at this time, but there are several other screenprinters and embroiderers who do provide custom beach towels.

The problem with screen printers and embroiderers is that there is always a minimum order and all the items ordered have to be the same product and color.

The smallest minimum order that I could find was 6, for approximately $20 each. A company called Signify offers the following:

Port & Company® - Beach Towel. PT42

Item Description
A necessity for water recreation, our beach towel dries you off in a big way. Highly absorbent and hemmed for extra durability. * 100% cotton terry velour * Dimensions: 35"w x 62"l; 14 lbs/doz

Available Sizes
One Size

Available Colors

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

That price quote is from their generic price quote form, so I do not know what size the graphic would be or where on the towel it would go, but it would be silkscreened, not embroidered. If there is enough interest, I will send in the artwork and get a specific price quote. As I said, all 6 towels would have to be the same color, so I'll order them in whatever colors get the most votes, but if I could order just one for myself, I'd prefer a black towel with a purple PolyDragon.

Other places offer other options, such as bigger towel size, graphics that take up the whole towel, woven images instead of printed or embroidered, but not only does the price go up significantly (cheapest ones were $35), but the minimum order goes up as well. However, if enough people want these options to make the minimum order and the price is acceptable, I'm happy to provide whatever people want!

**UPDATE**
This same company offers the same price for 6 towels with embroidery as the price for silkscreened printing.

Also, this company does custom photo-printed towels, just for reference:
http://www.customcreationsunlimited.com/photo-beach-towels-2/personalized-beach-towels-3/personalized-photo-beach-towel-6.html $45 no minimum order

**UPDATE**
Just got word back on the price quote and details for embroidery with Signifiy.  She says "We usually decorate one of the corners of a towel with a max design size of 6". We can decorate any part of it though so that's up to you."  They quote:

Product Names: Port Authority Beach Towel (PT42)
- Material: 100% cotton terry velour
- Method of Imprint: Embroidery
- Locations: 1 location of your choice
- # of Colors: Purple
- Stitch Count: see below
Product Size: One size
Color Availability: Black
- Packaging: n/a
- Artwork Programs Accepted: vector

Quantity for Price: 6
8 to 9 thousand stitches = $21.24 each
10 thousand stitches = $22.19 each
14 thousand stitches = $26.00 each
18 thousand stitches = $30.00 each

** our designer estimated this to be a 18,000 stitch count design if decorated at a
size of 5" wide.

Screen print option [1 color, 1 location] = $18.95 each with a max size print of 13”
and no design fees with provided eps file.

Design set up is $10 per 1,000 stitches
- Production Time: 6-7 business days after proof approval
- Pricing Valid for: 30 days from above Date
- Final cost of delivered items may vary by 0% over or under ordered cost
- For individual bagging, a $0.25 charge per garment will be added
- All change orders will result in a 20% re-stocking fee before shipping & tax;
Change orders include changes in style, color, size or quantity
- Above prices do not include Design, Tax or Royalties

So, there it is, $30 for embroidery with a 5" design anywhere on the towel (default is the corner) or $18.95 for a screen printed image up to 13" anywhere on the towel, plus S&H, minimum order of 6 towels.

I recommend the following layouts:
~Embroidered PolyDragon centered on the edge of the towel so it can be displayed while folded on shelf or hanging on a rack
~Printed PolyDragon in the exact center of the towel so it can be displayed while in use.  Option to have the design vertical so displayed while laying flat or horizontal so it is upright when wearing the towel.

But, as usual, I'll make the order however those paying for it like it best :-)

**UPDATE**

OK, final price quote is $22 for a black towel with either a purple Polydragon or a white Polydragon (embroidered), centered on the edge so it can be displayed while folded on a shelf or hanging on a rack. Payments can be made via PayPal. Please send $25 instead of $22 to cover the cost of tax and shipping (which will not be quoted to me until I make the order, & I have to pay up front for the order). If the cost of tax & shipping per person is less than $3 per person, I will send the difference back. All the towels will be shipped to me, and you can get your towel by either picking it up, meeting me somewhere, or having me mail it to you (or another address). Shipping it to you may result in more shipping charges. I will make the order as soon as I have 6 or more of either color ordered. If you "buy now" after an order has been made, your order will held until I have another 6 orders total.

Purple Poly Dragon Towel

White PolyDragon Towel
Date: 12/1/09
Product Names: Port Authority Beach Towel (PT42) v Customer Supplied
- Material: 100% cotton terry velour
- Method of Imprint: Embroidery
- Locations: 1 location of your choice
- # of Colors: Purple and White
- Stitch Count: 18,000 stitches
Product Size: One size
Color Availability: Black
- Packaging: n/a
- Artwork Programs Accepted: vector
Quantity for Price: 12
On the towel mentioned above - $22.00 each
Design set up is $10 per 1,000 stitches
- Production Time: 10-13 business days after proof approval
- Pricing Valid for: 30 days from above Date
- Final cost of delivered items may vary by 0% over or under ordered cost
- For individual bagging, a $0.25 charge per garment will be added
- All change orders will result in a 20% re-stocking fee before shipping & tax;
Change orders include changes in style, color, size or quantity - Above prices do not include Design, Tax or Royalties

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