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Here's another question I really hate. I know people mainly use it jokingly, but it feels way too much like fishing for a compliment. Chances are, if you have to ask, then no, I didn't miss you, because if I did, I would have said so.
I have a real problem with obligation and being backed into a corner. When someone online IMs me and asks "miss me?", I feel trapped. There's no graceful way out of this question. I could flirt, but most of the time, the people asking me this are not people I want to encourage. I could be sarcastic and hurt their feelings. I could lie, but every fiber in my being rebells at lying, even to internet strangers who find me through personals and take so long to contact me again that I have forgotten who they are by the time they come back asking me this question. I also don't want to lie to friends who just stepped away from a conversation for a few minutes and I didn't have *time* to miss them. I could tell the truth, but that is either hurtful (no, I didn't miss you) or makes me feel like a schmuck who has to be prompted for honest emotional affection because it didn't occur to me to tell someone I missed that I missed him.
I've sent smiley faces and changed the subject, I've lol'd, I've given non-comittal answers, but every once in a while, like today, someone presses me for an answer. The first time he asked, I sent a smiley and asked how he's been (I have no idea who this person is, but he's in my Yahoo buddy list under the heading "OKCupid", so I must have talked to him before and not hated him enough to hide my Yahoo name). He answered how he was, then asked "so, no missing me, huh?" so I lol'd him. He asked a third time "that a no?". So I finally answered honesty.
"That's not a no, that's tactfully trying to avoid answering a question I find annoying".
I refuse to say "I love you too" when someone says they love me, I refuse to say "thank you" when someone says "bless you" after I sneeze. I refuse to respond automatically with a compliment when someone is clearly fishing for one. These things make me feel awkward. If I mean the response, then I feel awkward for not having said it without being prompted. If I don't mean the response, then I really feel awkward because they obviously want me to say something complimentary that I don't mean.
I know "miss me" is usually a joke, but it's a trap no matter their actual intentions.
I have a real problem with obligation and being backed into a corner. When someone online IMs me and asks "miss me?", I feel trapped. There's no graceful way out of this question. I could flirt, but most of the time, the people asking me this are not people I want to encourage. I could be sarcastic and hurt their feelings. I could lie, but every fiber in my being rebells at lying, even to internet strangers who find me through personals and take so long to contact me again that I have forgotten who they are by the time they come back asking me this question. I also don't want to lie to friends who just stepped away from a conversation for a few minutes and I didn't have *time* to miss them. I could tell the truth, but that is either hurtful (no, I didn't miss you) or makes me feel like a schmuck who has to be prompted for honest emotional affection because it didn't occur to me to tell someone I missed that I missed him.
I've sent smiley faces and changed the subject, I've lol'd, I've given non-comittal answers, but every once in a while, like today, someone presses me for an answer. The first time he asked, I sent a smiley and asked how he's been (I have no idea who this person is, but he's in my Yahoo buddy list under the heading "OKCupid", so I must have talked to him before and not hated him enough to hide my Yahoo name). He answered how he was, then asked "so, no missing me, huh?" so I lol'd him. He asked a third time "that a no?". So I finally answered honesty.
"That's not a no, that's tactfully trying to avoid answering a question I find annoying".
I refuse to say "I love you too" when someone says they love me, I refuse to say "thank you" when someone says "bless you" after I sneeze. I refuse to respond automatically with a compliment when someone is clearly fishing for one. These things make me feel awkward. If I mean the response, then I feel awkward for not having said it without being prompted. If I don't mean the response, then I really feel awkward because they obviously want me to say something complimentary that I don't mean.
I know "miss me" is usually a joke, but it's a trap no matter their actual intentions.
no subject
Date: 5/26/08 05:15 pm (UTC)From:Unfortunately, my two current partners do not regularly read my journal and I don't think they know to follow the tag links on the left side to intentionally pick out those topics that are of interest to them.