Saving My Hyman For Jesus

[joreth]

 It's great to wait
Sex is never too late
Gotta steer clear of that huffin' and puffin'
I'll take it slow
I'll just say no
Nobody's munchin on this muffin

If you believe
Then you can't relieve
My pastor says that that's the pact
Sign on the center
Says do not enter
You gotta keep that puppy intact.

There's only one man I'll let inside
For him my heart is open wide
I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
My hyman for God
I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
Keeping the boys away from down there for the big boy up above

A kiss is nice
You don't think twice
When he goes and hits a double
'Cuz second base
Has got a place
When you don't want to pop that bubble

And third base is where
You get caught up down there
And you think you're having fun
But before you know it
You've gone and blown it
Sliding in for a home run

There's only one bull for this cow
There's only one cock for this hen
I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
I'm saving my hyman for God
I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
He's my banana split, I'm his cherry on the top

So let me see
If I can be
As righteous as I can
But bad luck for you
If he breaks through
'Cuz then you gotta answer to the man

But what about
If he stays out
And we only do lollipop lovin'
Oh a loophole's OK
'Cuz that's the way
You keep the bun out of the oven

You know it's sweet and fury
I'm keeping my kitty purring for the lord
I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
I'm saving My hyman for God
I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
This wetland is protected, no swimming allowed

~Wait, I think I might have already, y'know
~Really?  Omigod!  How was it?
~Great!
~No way!
~No, I mean, I thought of Jesus the whole time.
~Right, OK, OK, there's this thing called Second Virginity, have you heard of that?
~Yeah, I kinda blew that one too
~Oh no, you can't do that!
~I can't?
~OK, alright you can do like Third Virginity, but that is it!

Reclaimed Virginity
Is OK for me
'Cuz forgiveness is what it's all about
You can start anew
But if you slip you'll be screwed
'Cuz honey, three strikes you're out!

I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
I'm saving my hyman for God
I'm saving my hyman for Jesus
Keeping the boys away from down there for the big boy up above

Amen, Hyman

Comments

[madmanatw.livejournal.com]

...w...t...f...

[joreth]

It's satire ... just in case anyone is confused

[madmanatw.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know, but my response is unchanged. :)

[ii2my.livejournal.com]

well, if God is omnipresent, one can assume the big boy is really well hung. I bet he's just *DIVINE* in the sack...
Do you figure he ever bottoms?

[joreth]

Well, apparently Satan bottoms, so I'm going to assume that God doesn't. He appears to be too much of a meglomaniac to bottom :-)

[ii2my.livejournal.com]

...we have our ways *giggles maniacally*.
Chains forged in supernovae of metamateria can bind even dieties.