In Appreciation Of Men

[joreth]

I rant a lot about the poor treatment women (me, specifically) receive online from men. I find myself in a very unusual position. Outside of the internet dating arena, I usually find myself siding with men, when it comes to debates of the genders. I don't usually take the female side because the male side of the debate tends to make more sense to me. Yet, here I am, filling my journals with "you guys suck".

I want to make it clear that I do not think men suck. All my rants are directed towards a certain type of guy. In fact, I am quite enamored of the male portion of the population. And I think it's high time I said that. To that effect, I write an essay in favor of men. 

Men are very underappreciated. I hear all the time how women are the more attractive sex, both men and women like to look at women, but no one likes to look at men. Except, apparently, me. While everyone drools over the softer sex, smooth skin, sensuous curves, they concurrently disdain the thought of hairy butts and beer bellies. I think we are doing our entire species a grave disservice by denying ourselves the pleasure of enjoying a full half of our population.

I love men.

Their smooth, hard, muscular bodies are truly a delight. Women and gay men at least agree with me on this. But what about those who are not so smooth, not so hard, not so muscular? Men voice how much they love women, all women, but why is there a double standard? Why are "all women beautiful in their own way" and men are not? Men who are in less than perfect shape are dismissed as inadequate. Who wants to look at that?

I do.

They're much more comfortable for cuddling with. Don't get me wrong, the athletic bodies feel great too in a different way, but a softer body has its own remarkable qualities. I can lean my head on his shoulder while I curl up on the couch during a movie, as I stretch my leg across his lap and wrap my arms around his arm as though hugging a teddy bear. He can lie on the floor as I lean against his stomach while I read a book. I can feel the utterly masculine pressure of his weight while he leans over me and wraps his arms around me, feeling the weight of a larger man press down on me, making me feel very delicate and small. His very male bulk can make me feel either treasured and protected, or possessed and encapsulated, depending on the mood of the moment. I know that sounds odd coming from someone as independent and dominant as I am, but it's an incredible feeling, when done with respect, to let go of the mantle of strength and allow someone else to be strong for me for a while.

What about those men who aren't smooth? Hairy men get such a bad rap. For some reason, we have collectively decided that only men who look like prepubescent boys are worthy sexual fantasies. Isn't there something a bit off about that? Now, I like looking at the smooth, hairless pretty boys too. But there are plenty of people extolling their virtues. I'm here to extol the virtues of the male population as a whole and those hairless, muscular pretty boys are a very small portion of the whole population.

What could be sexier than a full grown man, with all the experience, maturity, and physical attributes that go along with it? The feel of fine, silky-soft body hair to run my fingers through, to be tickled by as our bodies touch with feather-light caresses. The pleasurable abrasiveness of coarse chest hair as he rubs against my breasts, reddening the skin and causing extreme sensitivity. Here's a truly relaxing and exquisite experience: I take a long hot bath or shower. I shave my legs, and then afterwards, sensuously baby my legs with lotion or skin cream until any redness and soreness disappears under the glow of well-cared for skin. Then I cuddle naked with a man who has wonderfully hairy legs. I twine our legs together, slowly rubbing my now-smooth and silky legs up and down his. I close my eyes to cut out all distraction. I enjoy the tactile sensations of his hair caressing my sensitive skin while he enjoys the tactile sensation of my smooth skin in return. Really, limiting oneself only to smooth, hairless men is to never experience a full range of tactile pleasure.

There is a school of thought that women are more pleasurable to look at because of their curves. I disagree for two reasons. First, men have curves too. Second, curves are not the only beautiful line, ask any art major. Let's go with curves first.

There is just nothing sexier than the curve of a man's neck as it gently slopes into his shoulder, then rounds down to the bicep and upper arm. That smooth, softly-rounding set of curves emphasizes the natural advantage males have over females: upper body strength. Of course many women are capable of being physically equal to men if they want to be, but men do have a natural advantage in that area, and rather than deny or eliminate our differences, I choose to revel in our complimentary attributes. And the strength found in the curve of the bicep, shoulder and neck is a perfect example of such an attribute. Another curve in the male body is the buttocks. The beautiful roundness of the ass, the divot at the hip that denotes thrusting power. How sexy is that?

I have a picture of a derriere on my website in the Nude Photography section. Not everyone knows right away that it belongs to a man because there are no other body parts to indicate gender in the image. Most people find the aesthetic of the image pleasing and it really confuses a lot of insecure heterosexual men when they realize they're looking and appreciating another guy's butt. I think that's a shame. Women are allowed to be straight and still find other women beautiful. Men are beautiful too, and I use that term intentionally since I'm discussing how men have soft curves as lovely as any woman's. And there's nothing wrong with that, in fact, I believe there's something wrong with not seeing it or admitting it. All men, regardless of how athletic they are in, have curves and gentle slopes to their bodies. These get overlooked and it's very sad because men can be incredibly beautiful.

But what about the rest of the man? What about the parts that makes him so masculine? What about all those hard lines and harsh planes? The long lines of the thighs, the broad planes of the back, the angles of the face, all very beautiful in their harshness. Even the ropy cords of muscles in the neck and forearms, the veins that pop out on the backs of his hands, they speak of strength and hard work, an earthy sense of manual dexterity or labor. Pretty eyes, nice hair, good physique, none of that will turn me on faster than a glimpse of strong hands with veins and corded forearms, calluses on the fingers, scars on the back side, maybe even a little dirt or grease, or pencil dust or ink. A man who works with his hands, whether it's the hard manual labor of a mechanic or farmer or the creative nimbleness of an artist, be it painting, music, or even computer programming, a man whose work and passion leaves behind evidence on his best tools, his hands and arms, is a man who can turn that strength and passion and creativity to sensual activities, to eliciting passion in his partners. Those hard, marked, dirty, hands and arms that are so different from a woman's soft, clean, smooth, painted hands are sexy for exactly the same reasons they are so different.

And as a woman, I can't stress this point enough: short nails. 'Nuff said.

That is all just the physical beauty that is Man. There is more to Man than his shell, and those are also things of beauty. Take his voice, for instance. Men go wild for a sultry, exotic female voice, or a pure, sweet, clear soprano. There are poems and ballads sung to the dulcet tones of women.

Ah, but to hear a man's voice!

To hear his rough and gravelly words, rich with passion as he calls out my name. To feel the low rumble of his bass moan thicken into a growl and caress my inner ear and tumble down my throat. That peculiar guitar-string-twang in my stomach when I hear his voice rise in pitch, hearing him shout in anger or extreme excitement, hearing him whisper as his breath tickles my neck and ear, hearing his voice infused with emotion, even hearing the hard edge as he goes cold with suppressed anger, the masculine voice sends shivers down my spine and effects me physically in a way a woman's voice just can't even come close to imitating. The rich vibrancy of a tenor singing about love and hate and life and parties makes me close my eyes and brings a sense of peace, a thrill of excitement. The coarseness of work-roughened tones brush my insides the way his coarse body hair brush my outsides; a study in auditory-tactile sensation. The voice of man is so varied and complex, with the most incredible range of sounds and pitch. I think the concept of auditory pleasure is generally neglected in our society, but particularly that of the male voice. Aren't phone sex and phone dating businesses geared primarily towards men with hot-sounding women?

And man's beauty doesn't stop with his body or his voice. His scent is subtly individual based on a combination of his soap, any cologne or aftershave he might use, and just the smell of HIM. There are all kinds of jokes made about a man's smell and a huge number of products designed to eliminate or mask it. But I think our over-industrialized society has forgotten the importance of the smell of the human body. Yes, sometimes things are more pleasant when the natural body smell is removed, or at least toned down, but that goes for pretty much all animals and quite a few plants too. I don't know quite how to describe men's smell because there's really nothing else like it that I know of. But no one else will ever smell like him, even if someone else uses the same cologne or soap. Just a hint of his scent can flood all the other senses with memory. The scent of him during sex can be a huge turn on, can emphasize and increase the pleasure when you open all your senses up to the moment.

His taste. What can I say about his taste? There's the obvious, since I've been talking a lot about sex. That bittersweet and salty flavor you either love or you hate. But that's not the only taste. The sweet taste of his kiss, the salt of his skin is, again, uniquely individual. This is probably the most overlooked sense when describing another person, but no less important, I believe, than any of the others. It's a very intimate connection to know someone's taste. Whether it's for a fleeting moment during a casual encounter or a life-long knowledge from a lasting relationship, experiencing the taste of a man is one of the most sensual acts you can know.

I thought about not including this next part because it might be considered too vulgar and I’m trying to wax poetic about the beauty of man. But I have to include it because it is the quintessential symbol of “man” – the penis. The penis is seen as either an object of ridicule or a threat. Women are taught from a very young age to fear the penis and the wielders of the penis. All men are potential rapists and to be raped is a horror among horrors, possibly even worse than death itself. Women who have sex, either by force or by choice, are unclean, damaged goods. That piece of flesh is responsible for sullying our virtue, destroying that which makes us women, worthy of love. The only way to not fear the penis is to laugh at it. I’m not talking about the boys from Puppetry of the Penis, who intentionally poke fun at themselves. It’s OK to see the humor in the human body, after all, we can be quite silly. But what I’m talking about is the emasculation of men, to knock them down from their lofty positions of power by grinding them under our high heels, figuratively speaking, with our laughter and derision.

I love the cock. I love the sight of it, hard and proud, like silk-covered steel. I love the feel of it, a fleshy substance that is both strong enough to impale yet soft enough to roll around in my mouth and squish with my tongue. I love the scent and the taste, those unmistakable signs of sex. While a penis can be frightening in true circumstances of threat, and it can be silly such as the Puppetry boys have shown us, the penis, in general, is a thing of beauty. It is not the entirety of maleness, but it is symbolic of male and it is beautiful in the juxtaposition of its strength and softness. Just like man himself, it is hard and unyielding yet gentle and giving, each one as unique as the man attached.

Man is inherently beautiful in all his incarnations. I am often quite appalled to hear disparaging remarks towards the male gender by people of both genders, especially when contrasted by positive remarks about females from these same people. I realize that everyone has a sexual orientation and only half the population is attracted to either gender. But for some reason, even the half that is sexually attracted towards men seems to find them unattractive! And even the half that does *not* find women sexually attractive still manages to be outwardly appreciative of feminine virtues. There have been great strides in equality for women. Women are valued for more than they ever have been before. And at the same time, women now have the freedom to admit their own interest and appreciation for men, instead of being the "guardians" of sex, they can express their sexuality and their sexual attraction like never before. But somewhere along the line, while earning our freedom and equality, we lost the appreciation for men. The standards of beauty for men are as strict as they have ever been for women, possibly stricter since it has become PC to appreciate the "normal woman" in recent years but it is not acceptable to appreciate the "normal man". Men are depicted in entertainment as either ultra-suave lady-killers or totally ugly, offensive, insensitive boobs who couldn't wipe their own ass if it weren't for their beautiful and intelligent wives who are too good for their disgusting husbands but somehow stick by them in spite of it all. If you're not James Bond, you're Homer Simpson, someone who is loved in spite of his appearance and personality. But if you are James Bond, all the other guys derisively chide you and call you gay! Because somehow, being classically beautiful and debonair is wrong too. There's something wrong with that. The overall message we send guys is that you are never good enough. You can't look good enough, be good enough, because if you do, you're not a "real man" either. And I think men are not the only ones who suffer for this attitude. I think we all suffer. Men are beautiful and I love everything about them.

 

Comments

[brokn2pieces.livejournal.com]

Men are beautiful and I love everything about them.

Me to!

[tedeisenstein.livejournal.com]

I want to make it clear that I do not think men suck.

Lord ha' mercy on me, and save me from too-obvious puns.

[omnifarious.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *smile*

[joreth]

My pleasure

[a-rowan-dryad.livejournal.com]

That was beautiful!

[james-the-evil1.livejournal.com]

Bravo :-)
I'm gonna link this when I get home.

Refreshing

[(Anonymous)]

I couldn't agree more... A few years ago I would have said that the whole "Men Suck" craze was just us being melodramatic, but now I'm not so sure... I love men with all my heart, and I'm SO grateful for everything they've done for us and society at large... They're absolutely beautiful, long-suffering soldiers (most of them) and I can't imagine my life without my father, my brothers, my husband, or my son... But in this day and age there's an anti-feminine connotation to being an androphile and it's getting harder and harder to find like minded women but I'm glad I found one :)

[may-dryad.livejournal.com]

The fact that even people who aren't sexually attracted to women feel compelled to compliment them on their physical appearance is based on the fact that women are valued primarily for how they look. According to this silly notion, it's emasculating to compliment men on their appearance.

The Homer Simpson phenomenon is offensive to women as well as men in that it portrays women who apparently want to be their husband's mother.

In general, I really don't like the idea that the price women pay for freedom and equality is the sudden conviction that all men are stupid pigs. It's the kind of patently untrue and illogical assertion made by people who think that feminists are hairy, man-hating dykes. Lots of people don't much like the idea of feminism because they have this totally wrong idea in their heads about feminists' attitudes toward men. One of the major points that second and third wave feminism has tried to make is that it's okay for women to love the cock (and respect its owner) without marrying it, cleaning its house, and having its babies.

Gee, see how I took a post about men and made it all about women? Oops. What I meant to say, and I'm very serious about this, is: I. LOVE. The cock. Mmm, cock. Shoulders are lovely, too. And the smell thing kills me. Whoo.

[leora.livejournal.com]

I don't think this is about feminism. Tons of non-feminists feel it's fine to say men suck and to bash men. I encounter it quite often. Maybe you're just not as familiar with the phenomenon. And men bash men too.

Of course it's also about anti-feminism, because whenever you start pigeon-holing either sex, you weaken both. Calling men animals that aren't capable of refraining from raping women hurts men, and it leads to attempts to "protect women" that mean taking away their freedoms.

However, the one point I actually want to make is that I think there is an age-related phenomenon being missed here. Women are beautiful - if they're young. Not all women are beautiful. Old women are often viewed as non-sexual, at least not sexually attractive. Although it's okay if they try to hide their age. Whereas older men are viewed as dignified. Grey hair on a male is often viewed positively, and it rarely is on a female.

So, young men are ugly animals, young women are beautiful, older men are dignified, older women are pitiable. And none of this is really all that sensible or healthy.

[catherinew.livejournal.com]

Eloquent, poetic, erotic, and true -- the best thing I've read all week.

May I friend you?

[joreth]

Be my guest and welcome :-) May I ask how you found me?

[catherinew.livejournal.com]

Thanks much!

I found you while going back through the past several months of LJ's "polyparents" and "polyamory" communities.

[joreth]

Ah, well, welcome :-)