*sigh*

[joreth]

Just read the fucking profiles, please?  The whole goddamn point of the profile is so that you get some idea (not a complete idea of course) of the person before you contact them.  This narrows your focus down to people that have a higher liklihood of actually being compatible with you.  Not everyone you contact will be, of course, but you will have more compatibility than if you just walked out your front door and hit on the first female you see walking down the street.  I am incensed that people think my novel of a profile tells him "nothing about [me]".  It tells you all the important things you need to know about me for first contact.  It tells you that I will not fuck you.  It tells you that I will not date you unless you're poly.  It tells you what some of my favorite tv shows are.  It tells you that I have two boyfriends already and that I'm not into girls.  It tells you that I like ballroom dancing.  It tells you that I have a huge chip on my shoulder and a serious attitude problem.  These are things that people should find helpful when deciding whether or not to contact me.  If I could wear all this on a sign around my neck to prevent assholes from coming on to me in real life, I would.  If all you see is a pretty girl in the grocery store and you want to meet her, wouldn't it help you to know if she was married or lesbian or looking for a prince to rescue her or a bitch?  If you hit on me in a club and I start a shouting match with you in public, wouldn't you have liked to know that about me before you approach me so that you could avoid me instead?

From justicepal
To Joreth
Date Nov 23 - 2:51pm
Subject hi 

  why you had to write so much 

From Joreth
To justicepal
Date Nov 23 - 11:12pm
Subject RE:hi 

  Because I am a complex, multi-dimensional human being. Why do you write so little?
 

 

From justicepal
To Joreth
Date Nov 26 - 5:21pm
Subject sorry 

  I`m really sorry if i pissed you off is that our custom here in Jamaica we relate mainly by talking 

From Joreth
To justicepal
Date Dec 3 - 9:01pm
Subject RE:sorry 

  in case you haven't noticed, writing IS talking when you use the internet instead of the phone or face-to-face. Regardless, if you had read my profile, you would have seen that I get pissed off when people critisize the length of my profile.

The whole fucking point of these profiles is so that you have a tool to find people who are compatible to you. If we didn't have profiles, you could just pick someone at random and have the exact same success and failure as you would going into a bar and picking someone at random with having absolutely no knowledge about her.

READ THE FUCKING PROFILES. That's what they're there for. Don't insult me by telling me that you are not interested in what I have to say after I have put so much time and effort into my profile to give you a picture of who I am.
 

 

From justicepal
To Joreth
Date Dec 6 - 3:18pm
Subject why are so piggish 

  I dont mean any harm by what I wrote
and honestly all that tells me nothing about you
In Jamaica we tell it to your face
Hun actions speak louder than words I not a person that goes off
of what was said only
and besides all this I wasn`t insulting you I was trying to be friendly hope you understand 

From Joreth
To justicepal
Date 4 minutes ago
Subject RE:why are so piggish 

  Just fuck off, I'm tired of explaining it.
 
 

Comments

[phyrra.livejournal.com]

I've had that problem a lot :(

I actually posted about that on my okc journal:
http://www.okcupid.com/journal?pid=8290869026333333670&tuid=13587925844899108089

I personally think if people had half a brain they'd WANT to read someone's profile to see whether or not they were interested in them.

I wish that OKC had better filtering settings, so that I, for example, could exclude myself from men's searchings and just be searchable by women, without having to make myself a lesbian.

[dayo.livejournal.com]

I just ignore them, if they send me something stupid I don't respond. I'm kind of curious why you go through all of the effort when they've already proven their imbicility by writing in the first place?

[joreth]

I go through the effort because no one else is. If you are never told that you're doing something bad, you have no motivation to stop doing it. It's not like OKC gives them lessons on how to use their site respectfully when they sign up. Since all you other women are just ignoring them, these men have no clue that what they're doing is inappropriate. Maybe if everyone they encountered gave them some feedback, they might adjust their methods to something a little more respectful.

[dayo.livejournal.com]

I can see that angle! On the other hand I don't give a rat's ass... I figure it's a good indication that they're someone I wouldn't want to be involved with anyway. *shrug*. YMMV.

[joreth]

No, even if I manage to change their worldview or their approach, I still don't want to be involved with them.

But I'm an activist. It hurts me to see the world as dysfunctional and I am compelled to take measures to try and heal it. This happens to be one of my pet activism-projects. And I would have less work to do if anyone else bothered to pitch in and help.

[dayo.livejournal.com]

Do you really think you're changing their worldview? To me this reads as a little angry that I or others aren't responding back to these guys equally as aggressively. I'm curious if you've ever actually gotten any positive feedback from your responses? I don't mean that in a snarky way (clarifying because netspeak doesn't convey tone properly) but honestly curious as to the effect of this, aside from pissing you off frequently. :)

[joreth]

That last statement was a bit angry that others aren't responding, but not that the responses aren't as aggressive as mine. Frankly, I don't want to be that aggressive, but I feel as though I have to in order to make up for the lack of support from other women. I partially blame women for receiving this treatment because women, as a group, do nothing to discourage this behaviour in men. This in no way excuses the men from their own actions, but they can't be given full blame if no one ever told them they were misbehaving in the first place.

And yes, I do think I occasionally change people's perspectives. I only publicly blog about the assholes because that's part of my method for making my point. But I do not publish the nice emails, and that includes the apologies and the "I'm sorry, I didn't realize my behaviour would bother people".

If I tell someone their behaviour is poor, I may or may not get them to change their behaviour. But if I do not tell them, they will definately not change their behaviour. We can only get what we ask for.

[may-dryad.livejournal.com]

I think your strategy is worthwhile, but I could never do it. I like to think that ignoring the assholes sends a "You're an asshole" message without me having to say, "You're an asshole." I mean, I don't want to interact with said assholes, and why else would I ignore someone's comment unless I didn't like what they had to say? Or maybe that's just my excuse for being such a non-confrontational elitist, convinced that most people are too stupid for reason to change their minds.

[joreth]

The problem is that I actually spend much more time around men than women, so I usually hear their side of the story first. And they are completely baffled why women don't respond to them. Without exception, every male I've spoken to has requested some kind of response, even a negative response would be preferable than being ignored.

So no, they have no idea why you appear to be ignoring them. They have no idea you think they're assholes and didn't like what they had to say. Instead, they just think you (women who don't respond, I can't speak for the specific men who have been ignored by you personally) are a bitch and they move on to the next woman with the exact same approach.

I do not think women should be as aggressive as I am. But I do believe it does more harm than good to just ignore them and I do believe it would do a lot of good if women all over *told* the men what they were doing wrong and why we don't want to talk to them.

If we're assuming their stupid for their tactic, then assume they're also too stupid to figure out what your silence means.

[joreth]

doh! "their" = "they're"