Imaginary Conversations With Fictional TV 2nd Wave Feminists

[joreth]

I watch a lot of '70s and '80s sitcom re-runs with feminist characters. Most of the time, that's why I like them.  But that was the era of 2nd Wave feminism, which is notoriously sex-negative.  So I occasionally have imaginary conversations with these fictional characters defending sex-positivity. This bit popped into my head today after an episode including a porn actress:

We all agree that we should have the right to say "no" and have that respected.  But what good is that "right" to say no if we're not allowed to say "yes"?

That "no" is just as restrictive as anything else the patriarchy imposes on us.  That "no" doesn't give us any freedom at all.  We are still being judged by patriarchal values of sexual objectification.  Required to have sex, required to be chaste - it's two sides of the same coin.

I will say "no" when I mean "no" and "yes" when I want to say "yes".   And if I want to say "yes" more often than someone else, or less often than someone else, as a warrior for the right of women to own their own bodies, the right to say "yes" should be just as important as the right to say "no".

To be judged as "lesser" than other women because one says "yes" is to buy right into those same patriarchal values that led us to fight for the right to say "no" in the first place.  You are still judging me for my sexuality, you are still defining my own boundaries for my body for me, you are still taking away my freedom, my choices, my agency.

You don't have to say "yes" if you don't want to.  But I shouldn't have to say "no" if I don't want to.  Consent is meaningless if you can't say "no", but the right to withhold consent is meaningless if you can't say "yes".

"But self-respect, blah blah blah."

I respect myself by listening to what my body wants and honoring it, not by allowing men to place their own narrow filter over me, telling me when I am worthy of respect by them (and myself) and what makes me not worthy of respect.

I respect myself when I have sex because I want to, and I respect myself when I don't have sex when I don't want to.  I even respect myself when I trade sex for money, at least as much as I respect myself when I trade literally any other labor or experience for money.

It's not the act of sex in exchange for money that makes it disrespectful, it's the commodifying of labor and service to trade for survival that's disrespectful.  

I am worthy of respect from myself and others because I exist, and no other reason is necessary.  My self-respect is not subject to the whims of other people's values.  That wouldn't be SELF respect, then.  Certainly, allowing other people to decide what to do with my body against my own desires and interests would not be respecting myself.