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Q. What is a open marriage?
A. The term "open marriage" was coined by Nena and George O'Neill, and they intended it to mean a partnership between two equal individuals that fostered and encouraged personal growth through the development of a complex network of interpersonal relationships outside of the marriage. They felt (and the research supports) that interpersonal relationships were healthier when the individuality of each person in the relationship was maintained and celebrated and ties to other people were welcomed.
The context in which the concept was developed was post WWII when women had spent time in the work force, being independent and heads of their own households while the men were at war, and now the men were coming home and pushing the women back in the kitchen.
In order to convince women that their place was in the home, the US started a campaign to make marriage the cornerstone of the family, and to make one's marriage be one's everything - friend, lover, soulmate, confidante, the person who could satisfy your every single need, to supersede all other relationships with extended family and even with religion and community. This way, it was thought, women wouldn't be tempted to go outside of the home and take jobs away from men or congregate in public where men were used to going.
This turned out to lead to some extremely dysfunctional and deeply unsatisfying relationships. The O'Neills believed that spouses needed to retain their individuality and their independence by maintaining close relationships with other people in order to come together as partners, who could then bring their best selves to the partnership to build resilience into the partnership.
All subsequent research into romantic relationships supports this theory. People who have a strong emotional support network outside of their romantic partner report more satisfaction within their romantic relationships, better conflict resolution skills, stronger bonds during both good times and bad, and more resilience when it comes to breakups and the death of a loved one.
Gender studies that show women having better social support networks vs. men maintaining only superficial ties to other men (leaving their spouse to be their sole source of emotional support) reveal that these women who experience the death of their spouse are better able to live fulfilling lives after their widowhood and they live longer than their male counterparts, for instance. This is thought to be a contributing factor to the difference in mortality rate between the genders.
In the O'Neill's book, they mentioned in one little section deep in the middle that having a romantic relationship in which both partners are open and honest with each other about who they are, what they think, what they feel, and what they want, and in which the partners support and encourage each other's personal growth, just might possibly maybe potentially allow room for extramarital sexual relationships, perhaps.
Because sex sells, this is the one thing that everyone remembered about the book, and now "open marriage" is synonymous with "extramarital sexual relationships". The O'Neills hated this and Nena O'Neill wrote a follow-up book where she backtracked and tried to put that genie back in the bottle. But it was too late. Now everyone thinks it means a married couple that has sex with other people.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_Marriage_(book)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201101/open-marriage-healthy-marriage
https://people.com/archive/george-and-nena-oneill-helped-to-open-marriage-now-theyd-like-to-close-it-a-little-vol-8-no-25
A. The term "open marriage" was coined by Nena and George O'Neill, and they intended it to mean a partnership between two equal individuals that fostered and encouraged personal growth through the development of a complex network of interpersonal relationships outside of the marriage. They felt (and the research supports) that interpersonal relationships were healthier when the individuality of each person in the relationship was maintained and celebrated and ties to other people were welcomed.
The context in which the concept was developed was post WWII when women had spent time in the work force, being independent and heads of their own households while the men were at war, and now the men were coming home and pushing the women back in the kitchen.
In order to convince women that their place was in the home, the US started a campaign to make marriage the cornerstone of the family, and to make one's marriage be one's everything - friend, lover, soulmate, confidante, the person who could satisfy your every single need, to supersede all other relationships with extended family and even with religion and community. This way, it was thought, women wouldn't be tempted to go outside of the home and take jobs away from men or congregate in public where men were used to going.
This turned out to lead to some extremely dysfunctional and deeply unsatisfying relationships. The O'Neills believed that spouses needed to retain their individuality and their independence by maintaining close relationships with other people in order to come together as partners, who could then bring their best selves to the partnership to build resilience into the partnership.
All subsequent research into romantic relationships supports this theory. People who have a strong emotional support network outside of their romantic partner report more satisfaction within their romantic relationships, better conflict resolution skills, stronger bonds during both good times and bad, and more resilience when it comes to breakups and the death of a loved one.
Gender studies that show women having better social support networks vs. men maintaining only superficial ties to other men (leaving their spouse to be their sole source of emotional support) reveal that these women who experience the death of their spouse are better able to live fulfilling lives after their widowhood and they live longer than their male counterparts, for instance. This is thought to be a contributing factor to the difference in mortality rate between the genders.
In the O'Neill's book, they mentioned in one little section deep in the middle that having a romantic relationship in which both partners are open and honest with each other about who they are, what they think, what they feel, and what they want, and in which the partners support and encourage each other's personal growth, just might possibly maybe potentially allow room for extramarital sexual relationships, perhaps.
Because sex sells, this is the one thing that everyone remembered about the book, and now "open marriage" is synonymous with "extramarital sexual relationships". The O'Neills hated this and Nena O'Neill wrote a follow-up book where she backtracked and tried to put that genie back in the bottle. But it was too late. Now everyone thinks it means a married couple that has sex with other people.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_Marriage_(book)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201101/open-marriage-healthy-marriage
https://people.com/archive/george-and-nena-oneill-helped-to-open-marriage-now-theyd-like-to-close-it-a-little-vol-8-no-25
