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I just heard this amazing power counter-move that I propose ought to become Standard Operating Procedure for polys:
But it ought to be at least 2 other people. If it's just one other person, it could turn into a swingers Bait & Switch. While most UHers are not comfortable with the thought of their unicorn having any other partners, wife-swapping is still a thing that people know about, and so may be familiar *enough* for a UHer doing this predatory maneuver to counter-move against your counter-move.
And if you invite only one other partner who is a woman or presents as a woman or is perceived as a woman, this could just amp up a predatory man in a UH couple to attempt a foursome fantasy of multiple "women" all doting on him and doing Hot Bi Babe stuff for his pleasure.
Having 2+ other partners along distributes the numbers unevenly in your favor, re-imbalancing the power distribution that they are counting on having with their 2-on-1. This is very unsettling for people who are deliberately setting up situations to disempower their dates, as a Bait & Switch suggests they are attempting to do (even if subconsciously).
If they're not doing this to disempower anyone (again, whether they recognize they are doing it for this reason or not), then the thought of their date inviting their other partners when they invited their own other partner ought not to feel threatening or unbalanced to them.
I tend to invite people I'm interested in to public or social events first, especially if I will have a partner or two there. This gets the whole "meeting the other partners" out of the way early and I basically throw them in the deep end by seeing how they respond right up front to me having to share my attention among several people at once. Plus, how we behave in front of our friends is often different than how we behave on a first date with someone we're hoping to impress. So if they invite their other partners to a party or club or whatever I invited them to, I would think that's great!
But then again, I wouldn't be doing a Bait & Switch. I would say right there in the invitation "I'm going to a friend's party and several of my partners will be there. You're welcome to meet me there, and also to bring guests!" People who decline to meet me in public settings tend to get rejected pretty soon, so it's kind of a litmus test for me as to how poly they are. But now I'm digressing.
Odds are, you will get a last minute cancellation from your "date". In which case, you now have plans with 2 of your partners / friends / family! Go out and have a good time!
BONUS MOVE:
Now, if they have the gall to say "btw, my partner is coming along, but could you not invite your other partners this time? We want it to be just the 3 of us", well, I won't advocate deliberately lying about inviting them, that's your call to make. I, personally, would probably just end the game right there by calling them on their hypocrisy and predatory behaviour before blocking them. But it's an option one could take.
- You meet someone through some kind of online sphere, probably a dating service or social media of some kind. It progresses to plans for a "date".
- After the date has been made but before the date happens, they spring "btw, my pre-existing other partner is coming too" on you. You did not know they had a pre-existing other partner and/or they only have the one pre-existing other partner and/or you have not established your own romantic / sexual interest in said other partner.
- You immediately invite a minimum of 2 other people who are special or important to you - preferably romantic / sexual partners, but any 2+ people who are important will do. Bonus points if at least one of them is cismale.
But it ought to be at least 2 other people. If it's just one other person, it could turn into a swingers Bait & Switch. While most UHers are not comfortable with the thought of their unicorn having any other partners, wife-swapping is still a thing that people know about, and so may be familiar *enough* for a UHer doing this predatory maneuver to counter-move against your counter-move.
And if you invite only one other partner who is a woman or presents as a woman or is perceived as a woman, this could just amp up a predatory man in a UH couple to attempt a foursome fantasy of multiple "women" all doting on him and doing Hot Bi Babe stuff for his pleasure.
Having 2+ other partners along distributes the numbers unevenly in your favor, re-imbalancing the power distribution that they are counting on having with their 2-on-1. This is very unsettling for people who are deliberately setting up situations to disempower their dates, as a Bait & Switch suggests they are attempting to do (even if subconsciously).
If they're not doing this to disempower anyone (again, whether they recognize they are doing it for this reason or not), then the thought of their date inviting their other partners when they invited their own other partner ought not to feel threatening or unbalanced to them.
I tend to invite people I'm interested in to public or social events first, especially if I will have a partner or two there. This gets the whole "meeting the other partners" out of the way early and I basically throw them in the deep end by seeing how they respond right up front to me having to share my attention among several people at once. Plus, how we behave in front of our friends is often different than how we behave on a first date with someone we're hoping to impress. So if they invite their other partners to a party or club or whatever I invited them to, I would think that's great!
But then again, I wouldn't be doing a Bait & Switch. I would say right there in the invitation "I'm going to a friend's party and several of my partners will be there. You're welcome to meet me there, and also to bring guests!" People who decline to meet me in public settings tend to get rejected pretty soon, so it's kind of a litmus test for me as to how poly they are. But now I'm digressing.
Odds are, you will get a last minute cancellation from your "date". In which case, you now have plans with 2 of your partners / friends / family! Go out and have a good time!
BONUS MOVE:
- They reschedule supposedly just the two of you, but pull the Bait & Switch a second time, leading you to believe it's a 2-person date and only after the date has been arranged, they mention bringing their "other".
- You invite your 2+ guests again but don't mention it to them this time, so that when the couple shows up (which they will this time because), they are not expecting 3+ people.
Now, if they have the gall to say "btw, my partner is coming along, but could you not invite your other partners this time? We want it to be just the 3 of us", well, I won't advocate deliberately lying about inviting them, that's your call to make. I, personally, would probably just end the game right there by calling them on their hypocrisy and predatory behaviour before blocking them. But it's an option one could take.
