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What I find very ironic is that a lot of supposedly progressive types get up in arms over these clear and obvious abuses of power, and yet they themselves take up positions of authority in their companies or communities and also get involved with much younger women, but see it as somehow "different" because they're not *as* famous or they're not rich (because, honestly, who the fuck becomes rich as a community leader or speaker or writer or organizer?), and because she's technically of legal age already once they start.
It's not as simple as "him rich & legal, her illegal = morally wrong". The span of the age gap, which life stage each person is in, how much community standing the older person has, how the younger person views them ... these things all affect the impact that this power imbalance has.
When I was 15-17, I actively courted men who could legally vote. This is a fuzzy area. However:
And now, with men I know in their 30s, 40s, and 50s all vocally condemning these statutory rapes, yet some of them justifying getting involved with women not very long out of their teenage years because "she's an adult, if I don't have sex with her, I am robbing her of her sexual agency" ... while it's true that it's not the same thing as 40 year old rock stars marrying 13 year old children, it's also the same *excuse*, just moving the age of "agency".
I don't think all "crimes" ought to have the same penalties. The crime of copyright violation shouldn't carry the same sentence as mass murder. But as someone who has had my artwork stolen, I'm kinda sensitive to people justifying one "crime" while being opposed to others. Same thing with these kinds of things - yes, there is nuance in the discussion depending on the variables, but that doesn't make it *right* when something is less bad than something else.
I'm just saying that I have noticed a lot of people willing to hard-line condemn some people for obvious atrocities, but who then do things that are ... a little less clearly bad, using the same *excuses*.
And this is, IMO, why we should both a) switch away from the Scorched Earth Policy as a blanket policy in SJW circles and work on more nuanced forms of justice (where earth scorching and banning are still options but not the only tools, and in fact are the last resort), and b) be a little more introspective and careful with our own "minor" infractions so that we don't emulate these clear examples in our lesser offenses, which leave doors open for the big offenses.
As I've said in other contexts before - if you don't want other people thinking your relationship is abusive, perhaps you shouldn't be doing the same things that abusers do.
If you want to take a hard stance against rape cases like these, perhaps you shouldn't be having the kinds of relationships where your justifications for that relationship are the same ones that these rapists use for their relationships.
And while acknowledging the severity of the hard-edged cases, if you don't want to find yourself on the receiving end of the kind of "justice" you promote, perhaps also acknowledge that life is complex. While striving to do better.
It's not as simple as "him rich & legal, her illegal = morally wrong". The span of the age gap, which life stage each person is in, how much community standing the older person has, how the younger person views them ... these things all affect the impact that this power imbalance has.
When I was 15-17, I actively courted men who could legally vote. This is a fuzzy area. However:
- I was not an up-and-comer in an industry and they were not people of power who could influence my career. They didn't hold any position of authority over me at all and had nothing to benefit me other than the fact that I wanted to sleep with them.
- There is a huge difference between a 16 & 18 year old both still in high school and a 14 & 35 year old, and also a big difference between them and a 35 & 55 year old. The bigger the age gap and the more different the life stage (i.e. the younger the youngest one is), the bigger the impact is.
- I had comprehensive sex ed and control over my reproductive choices, and I made my decisions knowingly and on my own because I wanted to have sex, not because some older man convinced me that he "loved" me.
And now, with men I know in their 30s, 40s, and 50s all vocally condemning these statutory rapes, yet some of them justifying getting involved with women not very long out of their teenage years because "she's an adult, if I don't have sex with her, I am robbing her of her sexual agency" ... while it's true that it's not the same thing as 40 year old rock stars marrying 13 year old children, it's also the same *excuse*, just moving the age of "agency".
I don't think all "crimes" ought to have the same penalties. The crime of copyright violation shouldn't carry the same sentence as mass murder. But as someone who has had my artwork stolen, I'm kinda sensitive to people justifying one "crime" while being opposed to others. Same thing with these kinds of things - yes, there is nuance in the discussion depending on the variables, but that doesn't make it *right* when something is less bad than something else.
I'm just saying that I have noticed a lot of people willing to hard-line condemn some people for obvious atrocities, but who then do things that are ... a little less clearly bad, using the same *excuses*.
And this is, IMO, why we should both a) switch away from the Scorched Earth Policy as a blanket policy in SJW circles and work on more nuanced forms of justice (where earth scorching and banning are still options but not the only tools, and in fact are the last resort), and b) be a little more introspective and careful with our own "minor" infractions so that we don't emulate these clear examples in our lesser offenses, which leave doors open for the big offenses.
As I've said in other contexts before - if you don't want other people thinking your relationship is abusive, perhaps you shouldn't be doing the same things that abusers do.
If you want to take a hard stance against rape cases like these, perhaps you shouldn't be having the kinds of relationships where your justifications for that relationship are the same ones that these rapists use for their relationships.
And while acknowledging the severity of the hard-edged cases, if you don't want to find yourself on the receiving end of the kind of "justice" you promote, perhaps also acknowledge that life is complex. While striving to do better.
