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Challenge for all cisgender (particularly white) men:
Go for one entire day without making a single, unsolicited comment at someone. If nobody asked you, personally, a direct question, don't respond. Even if someone asked a question generally, such as a social media post or a room full of people, if your opinion, advice, or answer, specifically, was not solicited, then don't give an answer.
Exemption: If a thing is going to happen to you personally, if the subject involves you - your body, your emotions, your time, your possessions, your agency - then you can voice your opinion because then your opinion is relevant and your agency is important. But make sure this actually involves *you*, personally, not just a subject you have emotional feelz about, which makes it *feel* "personal".
If your partner says "let's have pizza for dinner" and you're really not feeling pizza, then give your opinion even though they didn't ask you a direct question. But if someone you know says "I like pineapple pizza", don't tell them your favorite toppings or recommend your favorite pizza parlour.
If you find this challenge difficult, ask yourself why. If you are able to complete this challenge, try doing it for an entire week.
Contemplate how difficult this challenge is for you. How did your social media activity change? How did conversations IRL change? Consider how many other men inserted their unsolicited opinions into the space you left for them that you are now aware of because you held your tongue. How did conversations look when only non-cismen were contributing?
Count the number of times you were about to say something and then remembered not to. Count the number of times you failed. Think about how often you had to actively make a decision about offering an unsolicited opinion. Ask yourself how much effort did it take for you to stop and think about everything you wanted to say, to see if it met this challenge or fell under the exemption? Ask yourself how much effort did you make rationalizing, justifying, excusing, or legitimately categorizing the things that you did end up voicing as an "exemption".
And challenge other cis men.
(challenge idea from Holly Freundlich)
Go for one entire day without making a single, unsolicited comment at someone. If nobody asked you, personally, a direct question, don't respond. Even if someone asked a question generally, such as a social media post or a room full of people, if your opinion, advice, or answer, specifically, was not solicited, then don't give an answer.
Exemption: If a thing is going to happen to you personally, if the subject involves you - your body, your emotions, your time, your possessions, your agency - then you can voice your opinion because then your opinion is relevant and your agency is important. But make sure this actually involves *you*, personally, not just a subject you have emotional feelz about, which makes it *feel* "personal".
If your partner says "let's have pizza for dinner" and you're really not feeling pizza, then give your opinion even though they didn't ask you a direct question. But if someone you know says "I like pineapple pizza", don't tell them your favorite toppings or recommend your favorite pizza parlour.
If you find this challenge difficult, ask yourself why. If you are able to complete this challenge, try doing it for an entire week.
Contemplate how difficult this challenge is for you. How did your social media activity change? How did conversations IRL change? Consider how many other men inserted their unsolicited opinions into the space you left for them that you are now aware of because you held your tongue. How did conversations look when only non-cismen were contributing?
Count the number of times you were about to say something and then remembered not to. Count the number of times you failed. Think about how often you had to actively make a decision about offering an unsolicited opinion. Ask yourself how much effort did it take for you to stop and think about everything you wanted to say, to see if it met this challenge or fell under the exemption? Ask yourself how much effort did you make rationalizing, justifying, excusing, or legitimately categorizing the things that you did end up voicing as an "exemption".
And challenge other cis men.
(challenge idea from Holly Freundlich)
