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So, we're all 13-year old boys at work and sexual innuendo is endlessly amusing. As our boss said today, sex jokes makes the day go faster. Today, we decided to formalize it after I said something that could particularly be confused for something said at an orgy. So now, we are making legitimate backstage phrases that could mistaken* for being heard at an orgy. Here's what I've collected so far:
*And by "mistaken", we don't necessarily mean that, literally, these phrases are common at all orgies (although I have actually heard quite a frew on this list at real orgies). As a person who is part of the poly and kink communities, I, and many of my fellow stagehands, are quite aware that much of what is said at an orgy can be commonplace, blasé, or even totally unusual and not something that one would expect to be said at an orgy at all. That's not the point. Re-read the part at the very beginning about "sexual innuendo" and "sex jokes". Re-read the part a third time about "jokes". It's supposed to be funny, not literal.
- Everyone grab one and pull!
- I need a male to female turn-around.
- How many slots are empty over there?
- There's room for one more!
- Someone help me tie this up!
- It's too tight!
- Can I use your tool?
- Which tool do you need?
- I'm getting to old to be working on my knees.
- Rub the kinks out of it
- This one's not kinked up yet!
- My boss just fucked me
- Bring it on in! No, wait! Take it out!
- Aw, man, who did THAT?
- Fuck that shit
- Used condoms right here!
- Here comes the head!
- I need skinny shit to shove in here!
- Shove it in the hole!
- Bring it!
- He's in the right pile.
- Gimme the black one
- Gotta twist it in.
- There's a trick to it. Just remember "twist & jiggle"
- I dunno about that, it looks dirty
- No, not that one, it's too small. I need the horse cock.
- Is that box full?
- You just start breaking them and I'll come behind you.
- I'm gonna need gak to fill the hole
- Fine! Make me bend over!
- You sure you can handle all that?
- How many holes you got left?
- Gonna need 3 guys to grab this fuzzy bitch and flip her on her back.
- This floor ain't exactly clean. It's kinda chunky.
- I get excited when I see the little ones!
- I can handle the little ones all by myself!
- Non-lubricated Trojan condoms are the best. (Yes, it's legitimately used backstage for backstage stuff)
- My side's in, how about yours?
- Need a little more ass on this!
- I'm gonna go help her with her fuzzy.
- I love doing the movers!
- I need more 8-ways.
- I can finish this by myself.
- Get your fuzzy over there in line.
- Make a hole!
- Don't forget the nipples.
- That's a tight pack right there!
- Are you pulling out or staying here?
- Watch your back, I'm coming behind you!
- Up against the wall!
- More subs!
- Can I ride on the back?
- When you come, go through the rear.
- "How'd he get out of that harness so quickly?" "He just slid out." "I'm surprised he's not naked already!"
- Now THAT'S well hung!
- Are you sure that's rated for that kind of weight?
- Just put that anywhere
- Goddamn these condoms are tight! Don't we have any bigger ones? They hurt!
- "They're all fresh & tight." "We don't get many fresh, tight ones around here."
- The blacks are hung.
- I could use a snatch block.
- Look at all the people leaving their condoms lying all over!
- C'mon, hurry up, we got a bunch of guys standing around with their dicks in their hands!
- Him: Just get me close.
Me: Oh I'll get you close. I'll get you right there.
Him: Perfect, you're right on the edge.
Me: Didn't I say I'd get you close? - Hey Joreth, your spreader bar will be delivered after lunch. #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #CameraOp
- I'll put it where I can find it. #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #CableManagement
- Him: Sorry, I don't have my Magnum today.
Me: [pats shoulder] That's OK, not everyone needs one. - We need some female on female here. #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #lighting
- Her: I need just a couple more inches.
Me: I got you! #ThatsWhatSheSaid #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #LeaveItToTheWomen - Him 1: "He needs another 6 inches"
Me: "Don't we all?"
Him 2: "That's what she said" #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage - "Here, let me put it in your pocket." "What is that? The tip?"
- Hey Joreth, you got an 8 inch? My six inch isn't big enough.
- Hey can I slide my big black pipe into your slot before you go?
- Andy can give lessons on how to wrap a dongle. #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #video #vidiot
- "Woody, I need you on my back end"
- "I just haven't pulled mine out yet"
- "Laura, go ahead and work the corner"
- Sometimes size is important, boys.
- Hey Eric stop ramming it up my ass. #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #strike #LoadOut
- Who grabbed my bit?
- She'll start out tight, you just gotta work 'er a little, she'll loosen up. #OrgyOrBackstage #StretchingScreens #video #backstage
- "Give yourself some room to rock off."
- "You gotta stack them back up at the end." "How about I just give you a handjob instead?" #OrgyOrBackstage #negotiation
- "So grab the nipples, got it."
- That hole's too big, it won't fit snugly. I've never seen one w/a 3-inch diameter.
- Nah, I don't think we need any condoms. We're doing it on pipe.
- "you need a gender bender? What kind?" "I need 2 double headed dildos." #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #stagehand #lighting
- So we barebacking it today? No condoms? #OrgyOrBackstage #backstage #stagehand #lighting
- Feel it with your finger before you nail it.
- Slide it in now! Nice and easy, just like that.
- Hold on! I'm coming! Don't drop it! I'm coming!
- "Hey, that's a big one!" "You're not helping!"
- So John's working Mike's strap-on?
- Mike, your strap-on is too big, it doesn't fit!
- He's in the right pile.
- Grab that box of rubbers and meet me outside.
- I'm getting too old to do this much work on my knees.
- Watch who you're banging there!
- Four in the front, two in the back!
- "Can you spin me?" "U gotta go down on it." "Just reach around." "Let the girl show you how it's done"
- Sorry, I didn't know you were going down, there.
- Look out! Heads comin' in!
*And by "mistaken", we don't necessarily mean that, literally, these phrases are common at all orgies (although I have actually heard quite a frew on this list at real orgies). As a person who is part of the poly and kink communities, I, and many of my fellow stagehands, are quite aware that much of what is said at an orgy can be commonplace, blasé, or even totally unusual and not something that one would expect to be said at an orgy at all. That's not the point. Re-read the part at the very beginning about "sexual innuendo" and "sex jokes". Re-read the part a third time about "jokes". It's supposed to be funny, not literal.
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Date: 7/5/13 04:23 am (UTC)From: