New Word Of The Day: 'Splaining

[joreth]

Originally "mansplaining" was used to refer to a man telling a woman about something she already knows in a condescending manner as if he just assumes she couldn't possibly know it because she's a woman. Things like giving a female mechanic auto advice from a guy who once changed his own oil.

It has been shortened to 'splaining, and suggested that, without the "man" as part of the word, it "is when one person of a group stereotyped to know more about a particular topic feels the need to explain to a member of a group stereotyped to know less about a particular topic exactly how that topic works, even if the member of the second group happens to know all about it."

I heartily welcome this term into my vocabulary because I like to have terms for things that I experience on a regular basis.  I've been told how to hang lights, how to deal with the media, how to operate my computer, how to care for my cats, how to fix the tire on my car, and a million other things, explicitly because the other person just assumed I couldn't do it even after I told them that I have experience in that area.  Hell, I've even been told by men how a woman is supposed to feel during sex and menstruation.  

Seriously, I'm not making this shit up.  In fact, some of you may have even read it in the comments of other posts.

I'm not talking about someone "just being helpful", I'm talking about someone being condescending, someone not listening when I say that I understand, and even someone being WRONG about the subject they're trying to teach me about.  It's most frustrating when men try to tell women what we should do or how we should feel as women, such as "you should be flattered when guys hit on you!"  But, it isn't just about men vs. women, which is why I'm embracing this abbreviated version of the word when I rarely, if ever, used the original, whole version of the word.

http://noseriouslywhatabouttehmenz.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/mansplaining-and-ms-paint/


The example in the stick figure drawing about having a PhD & writing the book being cited is a *true story*, btw.  I've lost the link for it now, but Lady McLadypants is a celebrated expert in her traditionally male-dominated field & wrote a definitive book on the subject (I can't remember, economics or science or something).  At a party once, she met a guy who brought up the subject.  When she said that she happened to be very familiar with the subject, he interrupted her & proceeded to lecture her (getting details wrong).  Then he cited a particular book as being the definitive book on the subject that she ought to read.  She pointed out that she was the author of said book, which he completely ignored and went on lecturing, again, getting things wrong.

THIS is 'splaining.  Don't fucking do it to me.  If I haven't asked for your advice or help, assume that I don't need it.  If we have a back-and-forth discussion on the subject, fucking listen to me when I say something & I'll extend you the same courtesy.  And whatever you do, don't fucking assume that because I'm female, or Latina, or poly, or a brunette, or whatever, that I don't know something on a subject if I haven't told you that I don't know something about that subject.  Ask, sure, but don't assume.

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Also, that blog is pretty good.  It has a couple of different authors, at least one of whom I've met in person and am/was/sort-of connected to through the convoluted incestuous connections of the poly community.  I'm generally a fan of male feminists who seem to understand that feminism is not a battle of the sexes, but a battle of assholes vs. people who want everyone to be treated equally, and with dignity & respect.  Those types of men make me feel better about wanting to continue to defend men against the real disadvantages they face, often as a direct result of sexism, since, y'know, sexism hurts everyone.

Comments

[the-failed-poet.livejournal.com]

YES. This is something that deeply angers me as a thing that happens fairly regularly from members of a typically dominant group to members of a typically marginalised group. It is never cool and always frustrating.

Thanks for the link to the blog! I'll start following it. :)