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And now, to partially redeem himself after that last song, Braid Paisely singing a nice bluesey ballad about independent women:
She's Her Own Woman by Brad Paisley - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NeawYqxX2c
OK, there's the usual monogamous possessiveness implied in the phrase "she's mine", it's still pop-country, don't expect miracles - the point is that he values strength and independence in women, and doesn't equate "independence" with "lack of love" or "building walls". If more men did not believe independence & an ability to survive without him was the same thing as not loving him, I probably would not be as antagonistic or belligerent about my need for independence now. How I present myself at the beginning is not necessarily how I actually am in a relationship, but I feel as though I have to beleaguer the point in order to be understood & not set up implicit expectations of my behaviour later down the line.
For some reason, when I say "I'm independent", what the men who have tried to date me in the past hear is "I'm afraid of intimacy because I'm afraid to be left alone, so I put up this tough front, but once you convince me of your stability & trustworthiness, I'll let down my guard & you'll see how much I really do need you and need to be around you constantly even though that interferes with everything I have already stated was a priority in my life, such as work, school, hobbies, and other lovers." So I say "I won't ever call you and I'll disappear without notice for days at a time, and you'll always come last after my work, school, or hobbies" in an effort to make them hear "I love you, but I can live without you, and I need some time to myself occasionally."
Anyway, I don't think he presents his viewpoint well, and that he's a victim of his own culture with regards to language and some implicit assumptions (and the unfortunate habit of over-generalizing), but I also think his point is understandable if you know how to strip all that noise away.
She's Her Own Woman by Brad Paisley - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NeawYqxX2c
OK, there's the usual monogamous possessiveness implied in the phrase "she's mine", it's still pop-country, don't expect miracles - the point is that he values strength and independence in women, and doesn't equate "independence" with "lack of love" or "building walls". If more men did not believe independence & an ability to survive without him was the same thing as not loving him, I probably would not be as antagonistic or belligerent about my need for independence now. How I present myself at the beginning is not necessarily how I actually am in a relationship, but I feel as though I have to beleaguer the point in order to be understood & not set up implicit expectations of my behaviour later down the line.
For some reason, when I say "I'm independent", what the men who have tried to date me in the past hear is "I'm afraid of intimacy because I'm afraid to be left alone, so I put up this tough front, but once you convince me of your stability & trustworthiness, I'll let down my guard & you'll see how much I really do need you and need to be around you constantly even though that interferes with everything I have already stated was a priority in my life, such as work, school, hobbies, and other lovers." So I say "I won't ever call you and I'll disappear without notice for days at a time, and you'll always come last after my work, school, or hobbies" in an effort to make them hear "I love you, but I can live without you, and I need some time to myself occasionally."
Anyway, I don't think he presents his viewpoint well, and that he's a victim of his own culture with regards to language and some implicit assumptions (and the unfortunate habit of over-generalizing), but I also think his point is understandable if you know how to strip all that noise away.
