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Many times I've been asked for a list of URLs about polyamory or the various issues surrounding skepticism, only to suddenly draw a blank on all my favorite websites. I'll be talking with someone, introducing them to a brand new concept, and they'll ask me where they can learn more about it, and I won't be able to remember. I've written about this most recently in the post about making Skepticism CDs to hand out for this purpose.
I've also been asked, on more than one occasion, what other people who find themselves in this situation should do when *they* are asked for more resources. My solution to the poly issue has been to add a handful of URLs to the back of my Poly Tees business cards, but this isn't necessarily a good solution for other people who are in this situation.
So, I have created Reference Cards - one set for polyamory and one set for skepticism. These PDF files can be printed onto standard white business card paper that you can buy at Walmart, Kinkos/FedEx, and any office supply store. They are double-sided, with a definition of the term on the front and a list of URLs on the back. Feel free to download them, print them, and hand them out to whomever you want, or use them as a template for creating your own. I am now keeping a couple of each in my wallet, and bringing a bunch to poly meetings for the newbies.
The Polyamory Reference Cards:*
The Skeptical Reference Cards:
*The Poly Reference Card image has the old, incorrect Purple Mobius, but the file itself has the correct Mobius. I was just too lazy to take a new screencap.
I've also been asked, on more than one occasion, what other people who find themselves in this situation should do when *they* are asked for more resources. My solution to the poly issue has been to add a handful of URLs to the back of my Poly Tees business cards, but this isn't necessarily a good solution for other people who are in this situation.
So, I have created Reference Cards - one set for polyamory and one set for skepticism. These PDF files can be printed onto standard white business card paper that you can buy at Walmart, Kinkos/FedEx, and any office supply store. They are double-sided, with a definition of the term on the front and a list of URLs on the back. Feel free to download them, print them, and hand them out to whomever you want, or use them as a template for creating your own. I am now keeping a couple of each in my wallet, and bringing a bunch to poly meetings for the newbies.
The Polyamory Reference Cards:*
The Skeptical Reference Cards:
*The Poly Reference Card image has the old, incorrect Purple Mobius, but the file itself has the correct Mobius. I was just too lazy to take a new screencap.
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Date: 4/21/10 12:15 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 4/21/10 03:30 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 4/21/10 08:39 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 4/21/10 05:01 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 4/21/10 06:01 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 4/21/10 12:33 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 4/21/10 06:06 pm (UTC)From:The link http://sites.google.com/sites/misspolymanners seems broken...
Also, I have a question: do you know some place online where people discuss other variations of non-monogamy, besides polyamory? I myself am poly, but recently a woman on Facebook started asking me many questions about it. The open relationship model she would like to explore is different: she wants to allow casual sex on the side, but "no feelings must be involved". So, on the one hand, it's something that I don't personally agree with (for reasons you can list more eloquently than me); on the other hand, I know that poly isn't for everyone, and I don't want to try to stuff her into it like into a cookie-cutter mold, you understand?
I do answer her questions (at length), but I also suggested her to talk to people who are experienced in her model of relationship. Do you have links that I can give her? (I gave the poly links already, but that's not quite it). Thank you!
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Date: 4/21/10 06:40 pm (UTC)From:Friends-First is the type of swinging that overlaps the most with polyamory, so that's probably not hers.
Key-Party swingers are the type that really only go to parties & what happens at the party, stays at the party (in other words, people usually don't acknowledge any connection or relationship to other partygoers outside of the party itself). Also, this *tends* to be couples playing with the same person, partner-swapping, or big orgies - the bottom line is that both members of the couple are participating in the event together.
Then there's this middle range of swingers that is in between, and you can find people who have outside sexual partners who are not necessarily shared with their primary partner.
But what the Swinger categories all mostly have in common is that they are couple-centric and focused on the sex, not the relationship. There is a primary couple who gets all priority and is the only "official" romantic relationship. Everyone else comes second in priority and often has no emotional attachment at all, or if they do, it is supposed to be less than the primary couple. In many cases, there are strict rules against forming any sort of emotional attachment at all.
Other than swinging, there are "cheating", "discreet" and "open-marriage" arrangements. Technically, if she has permission from her spouse, it's not "cheating", but if there is a strict no-emotion rule, those who frequent the cheater venues are the ones who will be most likely to accept this boundary since the assumption is that it's just sex with people already partnered. She could also look for groups or websites that use the phrase "Don't Ask Don't Tell" or DADT - again, she might be open about her liaisons with her husband, but that no-emotion rule will be best accepted or understood in communities that accept DADT, cheating, and swinging. All of those types of communities understand that the primary partner comes first and the outside sex partners are not supposed to be emotionally attached or involved.
However, the first time she or her husband "accidentally" falls "in love" with one of their playthings, she'll have no precedent or skills for dealing with the aftermath. But, it's her relationship, and she may never encounter that situation, and you already know this :-)
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Date: 4/21/10 06:49 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 4/24/10 04:09 am (UTC)From:I am going to post these on the site. Would you prefer us linking to yours or put copies on PMM?
Thanks! Cards look really nice.
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Date: 5/4/10 04:44 am (UTC)From:Unfortunately, I cannot list as many websites as I'd like on that small card, so I had to make some choices.
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Date: 5/4/10 04:47 am (UTC)From:I'll just keep uploading any new revisions to the same url name that way all links will always go to the most current revision.
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Date: 5/4/10 05:25 am (UTC)From:Hopefully you'll get some free time to come back to PMM again.
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Date: 5/4/10 05:29 am (UTC)From:I plan to stop by sometime soon - just been busy trying to get PMA up and running :-)