Drop It

I'm sure I've written about this in my Me Manual before, but it is apparently time to write about it again. Besides, I'm so verbose, that it's difficult for ME to find things in my journal, let alone other people. I have a bad temper. No, it's true! I do! Seriously, though, I've had this problem since I was a child, and it used to be worse. I used to break things.


( Very long explanations of how my temper works & how to avoid tripping it )

So, the tl;dr summary is: I have a bad temper that, when I lose it, I can't always control what I say. I am aware of this, and the way I cope to avoid saying unnecessarily hurtful things to the people I care about is to recognize the warning signs that I'm about to lose my temper and to end the argument immediately. Which means that I don't want you to try and have the last word. If I say I don't want to talk about it, accept that as truth and drop the subject. Even if you're right, even if I'm clearly wrong, even if you think it's unfair that you didn't get your say, even if you have the magic bullet & smoking gun for your side. Just stop and let me back out so I can avoid being a bitch and saying something mean to you.

Joreth's Johari Window

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about other people's perceptions of me.  I just got off the phone with my high school sweetheart - a scheduled "date" where I asked him to describe to me our relationship & our breakup from his perspective, so I could see how I looked through his eyes.  I was pleased to learn that his therapist says that I was the healthiest relationship he'd ever had, & that he continues to admire me to this day, especially my communication & relationship skills, and also that he has no regrets about our relationship and said that, if he had to go through high school, he was glad to have done so with me.  

He said that our high school relationship didn't even have the usual sorts of drama that teenagers have, we just got along & we discussed but didn't fight.  He actually never saw my legendary temper (and that was at its peak, when I was still breaking things), although he saw the aftermath whenever my parents or sister triggered it.  He never saw it mainly because he was just a decent guy.  As tacit likes to say, "It's easy not to piss off Joreth - don't be an asshole."

Anyway, this list has pretty much only flattering or positive traits, so it's certainly not a whole-picture kind of exercise.  But I do think it's beneficial to see how other people see me.

You can get your own Johari Window, or contribute to Joreth's.

Arena (known to self and others) complex, independent, intelligent, introverted, logical	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, confident, friendly, knowledgeable, mature, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, searching, self-assertive, sensible, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm
Façade (known only to self) loving	Unknown (known to nobody) accepting, caring, cheerful, clever, dependable, dignified, energetic, extroverted, giving, happy, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, kind, modest, nervous, observant, reflective, religious, responsive, self-conscious, sentimental, shy, silly, spontaneous, tense, wise, witty

All Percentages

able (25%) accepting (0%) adaptable (12%) bold (12%) brave (12%) calm (37%) caring (0%) cheerful (0%) clever (0%) complex (25%) confident (25%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (25%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (37%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (37%) introverted (12%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (50%) logical (25%) loving (0%) mature (12%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (12%) patient (50%) powerful (12%) proud (12%) quiet (12%) reflective (0%) relaxed (12%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (12%) self-assertive (37%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (12%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (12%) tense (0%) trustworthy (12%) warm (12%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 25.5.2012, using data from 8 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Joreth's full data.