Why is it that homosexuals and polyamorists are charged with the downfall of society and a lack of family values, when this monogamously married man had a 6-month affair with a woman, who then got so enraged at the thought of him possibly cheating *on her* that she then shot and killed him?
I don't know a single polyamorist who would stand up for what Steve McNair did. He cheated on his wife. He endangered her life by engaging in a sexual relationship with a woman without his wife's knowledge. He could have given her an STD, or this psycho girlfriend could have chosen to kill the wife and their four kids instead once she learned that McNair made up the story about his pending divorce.
The poly community in no way supports this scenario. I wouldn't go so far as to say McNair "got what he deserved", but I do have to ask him "what the fuck were you thinking?" What do you expect to happen when you betray the trust of another human being?
I want to make very clear that I am not excusing McNair's murder. Sahel Kazemi has taken another person's life and I do not support or excuse that in any way, shape or form. This was not a case of self-defense, the man was sleeping. He was an asshole, perhaps, but the solution to his asshatery is to break up with him, not kill him.
But when you betray a person's trust, you identify yourself as a person who cannot be trusted. And when a person believes that you cannot be trusted, she will naturally believe that you have betrayed her at some point because she (rightly) believes you to be untrustworthy. And then when she believes that you have betrayed her, she will undoubtedly act out on her hurt feelings.
It is not actually a stated fact that McNair cheated on his mistress with a third woman, this was simply Kazemi's belief at this time. But if he cheated on his wife to be with Kazemi, why wouldn't he cheat on Kazemi with someone else?
On the flip side, if we lived in a society that did not revere monogamy above all other relationship forms, if we did not perpetuate the myth that there is a single "soulmate" for everyone, if we did not hide the fact that humans are not actually monogamous by nature, and if we did not discourage the open and honest acceptance of this fact coupled with a sense of personal responsibility for one's actions, if we did not insist that interest in, attraction for, or relating to other people indicated a lack of something in a pre-existing partner, then we would have far fewer jealousy-related acts of violence.
If McNair and his wife understood and accepted that McNair was not a monogamous person, she would not have learned that her own life had been put in danger by the man she trusted it with, from a cop telling her that her husband was dead.
If the mistress understood and accepted that McNair was a married man and had no plans to divorce, and that she would not be his only partner, it is possible she would not have killed him on the mere suspicion that he had a third partner somewhere. Then again, someone who is willing to kill like this is probably crazy to begin with.
But if we had a society that disapproved of jealousy, or at least did not excuse poor behaviour because of it, then perhaps her crazy would have been caught much earlier, before she had the chance to harm someone with her crazy. And then McNair would not be the sleezball that he is for cheating on his wife because they would have had an open arrangement. Perhaps, if it had been an open arrangement, his wife (who was not going through NRE or loss of cognitive functions due to blood-rearrangement of her internal organs) might have seen the signs that this chick was a wackaloon and advised against a relationship with her.
People need to understand that having additional partners does not mean that you are "not enough". It didn't mean that when our parents had additional kids, it didn't mean that when our best friends found spouses, it didn't mean that when our spouses have best friends, and it doesn't mean that when our lovers have additional lovers. It means only that humans are social creatures who naturally form intimate relationships with other people. Only by acknowledging and accepting this fact can we consciously modify our behaviour to embrace our natural inclinations and still do so honestly, ethically, and with care and consideration for our fellow humans.
says, a majority of our problems would cease to exist if people just talked to each other. This is not polyamory, this is cheating and this is crazy.