The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

~author unknown

Miss Me?

Here's another question I really hate.  I know people mainly use it jokingly, but it feels way too much like fishing for a compliment.  Chances are, if you have to ask, then no, I didn't miss you, because if I did, I would have said so.

I have a real problem with obligation and being backed into a corner.  When someone online IMs me and asks "miss me?", I feel trapped.  There's no graceful way out of this question.  I could flirt, but most of the time, the people asking me this are not people I want to encourage.  I could be sarcastic and hurt their feelings.  I could lie, but every fiber in my being rebells at lying, even to internet strangers who find me through personals and take so long to contact me again that I have forgotten who they are by the time they come back asking me this question.  I also don't want to lie to friends who just stepped away from a conversation for a few minutes and I didn't have *time* to miss them.  I could tell the truth, but that is either hurtful (no, I didn't miss you) or makes me feel like a schmuck who has to be prompted for honest emotional affection because it didn't occur to me to tell someone I missed that I missed him.

I've sent smiley faces and changed the subject, I've lol'd, I've given non-comittal answers, but every once in a while, like today, someone presses me for an answer.  The first time he asked, I sent a smiley and asked how he's been (I have no idea who this person is, but he's in my Yahoo buddy list under the heading "OKCupid", so I must have talked to him before and not hated him enough to hide my Yahoo name).  He answered how he was, then asked "so, no missing me, huh?" so I lol'd him.  He asked a third time "that a no?".  So I finally answered honesty.

"That's not a no, that's tactfully trying to avoid answering a question I find annoying".

I refuse to say "I love you too" when someone says they love me, I refuse to say "thank you" when someone says "bless you" after I sneeze.  I refuse to respond automatically with a compliment when someone is clearly fishing for one.  These things make me feel awkward.  If I mean the response, then I feel awkward for not having said it without being prompted.  If I don't mean the response, then I really feel awkward because they obviously want me to say something complimentary that I don't mean. 

I know "miss me" is usually a joke, but it's a trap no matter their actual intentions.