Yet Another Online Skeezball

[joreth]

• 

  crazy question! :D

  Nov. 7, 2009 – 2:37pm

  i know it's a weird question but.... I am an exhibitionist, and I am asking as politely as possible if you wouldn't mind watching me on webcam just for fun. I do apologize if this is not your thing, but I'd really appreciate it.

  Flag

  30% Enemy68% Friend68% MatchMessage from ClearlyOriginal

• 
  Just now!

  READ THE PROFILE.
  
  I EXPLICITLY state I do not care for sexual come-ons. I don't care how politely you word your request, if you show that you have not even bothered to take the time to read the profile of the person you are hoping will acquiesce to you request, you are being very rude indeed.
  
  Your email is completely impersonal and since you did exactly what I request not to do in the first paragraph of my profile, indicating that you didn't even bother to read it, I assume this is a form email. That says that you are lazy and disrespectful.
  
  So fuck off.

It's not the kinky sex ... I'm a voyeur and I've had partners who are exhibitionists.  It's not even the casual nature of the request ... I endorse casual sex providing everyone involved is getting what they want out of the relationship.

It's the fact that I very clearly state, in the first goddamn paragraph, not to email me asking for casual sex, kinky sex, or anything sexual at all.  This email reads like a form letter.  These two details tell me that this person doesn't give a shit about who I am or what I want.  He didn't take the time to read my profile, or if he does, he blatantly ignored an explicit request, and he didn't take the time to even construct a unique first-contact email.

People just don't seem to understand that lack of anger does not = "polite".  The fact that he didn't call me names or assault me or do anything aggressive or violent is not the only thing that makes behaviour "polite".  When someone makes a request of you for how the person wishes to be treated, and you ignore the request, do the opposite of the request, YOU ARE NOT BEING POLITE EVEN IF YOU USE NICE WORDS.

The Golden Rule is bullshit.  Don't treat people how you wish to be treated because everyone wants to be treated differently.  Treat people how THEY want to be treated.  Holding open a door for me is not polite when you have to tear it out of my hands or argue with me to get me to relinquish the door.  You could make a case that I'm being obstinate, but that doesn't change the fact that YOU not being polite if you do something I ask you not to do, no matter how good your intentions are or how pretty the words you use are.

So, public ridicule it is!

Comments

[datan0de.livejournal.com]

I'm *SO* tempted to message this guy and say "Pssst! She watches me on webcam!". ;-)

[joreth]

ROFL! I heartily endorse it! Especially after his response:

---

I did read the profile... My intent was not a sexual come-on ;). You just happened to take it as one. Seeing as you are a woman of many assumptions, I am not shocked to see why you are in the state you are in... Angry, Spiteful, Rude, Elitist, and most of all Arrogant.

But I do appreciate you proving me right on what I was assuming your response would be, lol!!!

It's nice to play puppet master with people just to see if the right strings will cause the corresponding action.

Thank you for making my evening :).

[zaiah.livejournal.com]

There is a new feature on OKCupid called "ice breaker." It gives you one link every week or so and invites you to message this MYSTERY PERSON whom you MIGHT have a high percentage match with but all we will tell you is "you both like cats" or similar innocuous possible similarity.

If they reply to your "cold call" message you can then see who the person is and read their profile. I have received and sent two of these now.. not a great match to any of the people and will probably stop participating in it. (I have received one from someone who saw we both like math.. and another from someone who saw we liked the same band).

It's very likely this message.. and some others you receive in the future.. may be from people who send out a 'feeler' message as suggested by the site who have never had the CHANCE to view your profile from this tool.

I do not think much of this feature, but it might be a reason to temper ripping someone's throat out on a first contact message. I don't know if there is a way for you to opt out of the 'ice breaker' setting.

[joreth]

Yeah, I've used the ice-breaker as both the sender and receiver. OKC tells you that it's an ice-breaker message.

And besides, if someone sent an "ice-breaker" to a totally random stranger asking her to watch him jerk off on webcam, he deserves the tongue-lashing.

[joreth]

Oh, and I have responded quite politely to people who are clearly a poor match for me who used the ice-breaker feature. They were pleasant exchanges that resulted in us both acknowledging that we are not a match. You didn't see these exchanges because I only post the most offensive and/or hilarious ones I get. When people are respectful of me, I am respectful of them and I don't broadcast their email or their contact info on my journals.

These people did not message me asking me to watch them masturbate on webcam.

[zaiah.livejournal.com]

Nods! Franklin was also saying his icebreaker messages have also all had a disclaimer attached.. didn't see a disclaimer on my recent one, but should go look and see. I woulda rolled my eyes and deleted it.. I don't quite understand why you would rather flame back, but it's certainly your prerogative!

[joreth]

I serve as a lesson. Without people like me, people like this don't even know that they've done something offensive. Since most of my friends are male, I hear from countless guys who say things like "I don't get it, why do women not respond?" and "what do you mean that was sexist?" because no one ever bothered to correct them.

Maybe this guy won't learn his lesson, but the people watching will. I have actually had people approach me to say that they used to compliment women on their appearance, get no response, and not understand what they did wrong. If I (and people like me) hadn't made an example of some of the worst of the lot, the honestly misinformed ones would never understand what the problem is.

[datan0de.livejournal.com]

They got RID of the WTF Report?!? WTF?? I thought that was one of the more useful utilities they offered!

[joreth]

Yeah, the WTF report was actually helpful. I could fix old answers that I had completely forgotten about, and I could see exactly where I didn't match with someone and why, and going over the reports were a great way to spark a discussion with someone where the reasons why they answered a certain way were illuminated in a way that the questions couldn't explain to me.

[aclaro.livejournal.com]

I was trying to figure out why you get these messages and I don't.. I mean, no offense, but your profile isn't exactly friendly :). I think the reason must be that, because you respond to people who write to you, you end up being listed as "responds often," where mine is probably "responds selectively." It's unfortunate that your willingness to respond to people, no matter how clueless, means that you probably get even more clueless people who write you..

[joreth]

No offense taken, it IS not-friendly ... on purpose :-)

That's definitely a possibility, although I did get these responses before OKC started keeping track and listing how often people respond. I also resorted to using OKC's filter that doesn't let people email me unless they're above a certain percent match, and I *still* get these.

It seems as though people want to deliberately provoke me. That's the part that I don't get. If I find someone obnoxious online, I don't poke at them, I look elsewhere.

[datan0de.livejournal.com]

No offense taken, it IS not-friendly

LOL! You have a gift for understatement, my dear! From my perspective, your profile is "not friendly" in the same way that impaling dozens of men, women, and children on long stakes and displaying them in your front yard is a "no solicitors" sign. ;-)

That said, anyone who sees the prickly death trap that is your OKC profile and chooses to message you with this kind of stupidity anyway deserves what he gets. I say "Flame On!"