And not enough time!
I'm way behind on stuff I need to do before Dragoncon, so I don't really want to take the time to write up the journal posts I have in mind for some of these articles. But the open tabs on my browser are adding up, and my computer's ability to process is slowing down, so I need to do something. Bookmarking them usually means I'll never get around to it, so I'm going to go ahead and post a bunch of links here and there, and if discussion happens, that's great, but I'll have to write up the full journal response to them later:
http://www.c-fam.org/publications/id.1379/pub_detail.asp
... polyamorous culture is still expanding through their control of three areas of public policy: “education of children, sex education, and adolescent health.” Fagan said that through such control polyamorous culture “snatches children away from their parents and away from monogamous culture in ways analogous to the Ottoman Turks of the 14th century who raided boys from Christian nations to train them aS their own elite warriors, the Janissaries.”
Much like atheists are considered "militant" for simply speaking out, whereas a militant religious person has to actually be in favor of violence and terror, polyamorous people are compared to a brutal, warlord culture who visciously kidnaps and brainwashes children out of their very homes because we (along with sane monogamous people) want to educate children on the dangers and benefits of sex.
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17619?ref=nf
A study that seems to indicate that women are actively attracted to men who are already partnered because it shows that there is some precedence for the assertion that they make good partners. In polyamory, we say that poly people come with references. I am a bit disturbed by 1) the gender assumptions that are not clarified to include the high probability that they are socially constructed, and 2) the pervasive idea that the "chase" is a desired part of the relationship. As my former sweetie,![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zen_shooter is fond of saying, if I'm chasing them, it means they're running away. I'm not a fan of "the chase", as either a pursuer or pursued, and although I've only recently discovered just how delightful NRE can feel to people who don't tend to get bogged down in waiting for the other shoe to drop (like I habitually do), I still vastly prefer to get to the part in a relationship where it's comfortable and a bit more predictable, where I can feel as though I can count on my partner being around tomorrow, even if I know in the back of my head it's not written in stone. Adrenaline high aside, I do not like the chase and I am not happy with a society that promotes it as the best, or even a worthwhile, endeaver all on its own.
I'm way behind on stuff I need to do before Dragoncon, so I don't really want to take the time to write up the journal posts I have in mind for some of these articles. But the open tabs on my browser are adding up, and my computer's ability to process is slowing down, so I need to do something. Bookmarking them usually means I'll never get around to it, so I'm going to go ahead and post a bunch of links here and there, and if discussion happens, that's great, but I'll have to write up the full journal response to them later:
http://www.c-fam.org/publications/id.1379/pub_detail.asp
... polyamorous culture is still expanding through their control of three areas of public policy: “education of children, sex education, and adolescent health.” Fagan said that through such control polyamorous culture “snatches children away from their parents and away from monogamous culture in ways analogous to the Ottoman Turks of the 14th century who raided boys from Christian nations to train them aS their own elite warriors, the Janissaries.”
Much like atheists are considered "militant" for simply speaking out, whereas a militant religious person has to actually be in favor of violence and terror, polyamorous people are compared to a brutal, warlord culture who visciously kidnaps and brainwashes children out of their very homes because we (along with sane monogamous people) want to educate children on the dangers and benefits of sex.
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17619?ref=nf
A study that seems to indicate that women are actively attracted to men who are already partnered because it shows that there is some precedence for the assertion that they make good partners. In polyamory, we say that poly people come with references. I am a bit disturbed by 1) the gender assumptions that are not clarified to include the high probability that they are socially constructed, and 2) the pervasive idea that the "chase" is a desired part of the relationship. As my former sweetie,
zen_shooter is fond of saying, if I'm chasing them, it means they're running away. I'm not a fan of "the chase", as either a pursuer or pursued, and although I've only recently discovered just how delightful NRE can feel to people who don't tend to get bogged down in waiting for the other shoe to drop (like I habitually do), I still vastly prefer to get to the part in a relationship where it's comfortable and a bit more predictable, where I can feel as though I can count on my partner being around tomorrow, even if I know in the back of my head it's not written in stone. Adrenaline high aside, I do not like the chase and I am not happy with a society that promotes it as the best, or even a worthwhile, endeaver all on its own. 
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 8/25/09 01:19 am (UTC)From:I know it's a bit out of context, but *Yes, this!*
It's hard to relax when every instance is a "special case" and things are in constant flux. Oh for a "boring weekend at home"! :)
no subject
Date: 8/25/09 03:27 am (UTC)From:And *that's* the part I hate about NRE. I hate the letdown, the insecurity, the fear, and the unknowing that are in such a contrast to the extreme highs. That contrast only makes the lows feel that much lower, and can even retroactively taint the highs with embarrassment or vulnerability when it all comes crashing down because the relationship has not yet reached a stable point.
One of the reasons why I'm experiencing such extreme NRE right now is because I'm feeling much less concern than I usually do, less expectation of the crash and burn ending. I'm allowing myself to enjoy the highs without getting torn apart by uncertainty.
But when things level out, when things take on some semblance of permanence, or at least, longevity ... *that's* when the relationship really gets good - it might be less "exciting" (for some definitions of "exciting), so one might say the highs aren't as high, but they are deeper and richer and, IMO, better. That's when the true, deep intimacy happens, not the fun, exploration of intimacy at the beginning, and that's when the fears can abate because, at that point, even if there are still lows (which there always are), the lows are tempered and balanced by the confidence or knowledge that a stable relationship can weather those lows.
And *that's* the part I prefer :-)
no subject
Date: 8/25/09 12:47 pm (UTC)From: