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That's right, after several years of avoiding it, then a year or so of intentionally *trying* for it and failing, finally, all the pieces fell into place in less than a month.
I'm moving to Orlando!
And I'll be there by the first of May!
So, I've been living in Tampa since I moved to Florida back in October 2000. I basically treated Orlando the way I treat Los Angeles ... a city to visit for particular types of entertainment, possibly for work, but otherwise someplace to avoid because of the fakeness and superficiality of it all (and higher prices). Then, after a couple of years, I finally went full time with my business and things were struggling. I had to take "day jobs" during the slow summer season just to make ends meet.
Then came the Disaster House. My partner was paying an amount equal to the mortgage while I made up the difference that was generated by all other bills and did the accounting and made sure everything ran smoothly (not to mention the part where I purchased the storage shed in the backyard and built it and cracked the whip over our other partner to do his share of the housework that was all our original agreement for division of responsibility). She decided she couldn't afford her part anymore and it wasn't "fair" that she paid more money than I did (never mind the fact that I did all the accounting and nothing got paid on time if it weren't for me ... including "her" mortgage), and instead of discussing the options with me, she just stopped paying. So I sold the house right before the mortgage company sold us to a Collections agency and got out. The ironic part? The very first month after I sold the house, my business picked up and I was suddenly making enough money to take over all the expenses and give her a break ... y'know, the kind of thing that live-in partners do for each other.
Anyway, so I moved out and my business picked up. The reason why it picked up is because I started working with companies that were based out of Orlando. My Tampa clients weren't giving me enough work, but the Orlando clients required me to travel to Orlando.
So, for a few months, I tried to balance the two cities, working a little in Orlando, more in Tampa. But word got out and I became in demand around Orlando with the much-higher paying clients, and pretty soon my work became exclusively Orlando-based, not the least of which was because the Orlando clients booked me a couple of weeks in advance while the Tampa clients called me only a couple of days in advance ... so I was already booked with higher-paying clients by the time they called me.
I tried to commute for a while. I briefly dated someone in my business who also lived in Tampa and who had a hybrid car, so that was convenient, finance-wise, but it added 4 hours to our day (2 hour commute each way), no matter how long it was already. And since some of our days are 12+ hours long, that makes for some very long days.
Then, right around the time it became no longer convenient to carpool with him (explosive breakups can be like that), I started crashing over at my friends' houses who lived in the area. This way I could book several days in a row in Orlando, drive up just once, stay there a few days, then go home. That solved the gas problem, but pretty soon I was spending more days in Orlando than I was in Tampa and seriously inconveniencing my friends (as some of my journal entries have ranted about). I missed my cats and my bed and I was exhausted from not having enough alone time.
So about a year ago, I decided I really should move to Orlando, even though I really didn't want to. THEN, I lost my apartment rather suddenly and my good friend Roadie just happened to have a room in his Palm Harbor house that he wanted to rent out. He decided to rent it to me and I decided I would move in temporarily while I continued to search for a more permanent location in Orlando. Roadie's situation was great ... he was never home, the house is large and comfortable, the rent was reasonable and came with high-speed internet. The big problem was that it added another 45 minutes to my commute time! So I continued the search, but found nothing in Orlando within my price range. It was beginning to look like I would have to take on a roommate.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. My friend Josie and I met up at FPR and she said she had a room for rent that just became available at her house in Orlando. It had been suggested to me that I contact her for crash space by more than one person already, so I filed this away as a possible option.
Then, last week, my world got turned upside down.
I came home from a 6-day stint in Orlando to find a huge trash pile out by the curb with some of my things in it. To be totally honest, the stuff that was thrown out was not immediately identifiable as stuff that definately should be kept. But since it was *my* stuff, nothing should have been thrown out without my specific permission.
My ex is having a party at Exile (which is what I call this house) like Roadie does for him on occasion, and so he and his gf and Roadie got together to do the big Clean & Purge they've been talking about for some time. That was great to find the garage all nice and boxed up and organized, including some of my stuff. But for someone who is as materialistic as I am (in the sense that I am emotionally attached to my material possessions and I am a control freak on top of that), having someone going through my things and having some of my things thrown out, particularly when I had no advance notice that people (who are not me) would be going through my stuff is something that really really REALLY bothers me. Did I mention it bothers me? Seriously, did I mention just how much that pisses me off?
Of course, the first thing I did was rescue my stuff from the garbage. Then I roamed through the house trying to locate everything that got relocated. A mere few minutes after finding something that I was looking for that was particularly difficult for me to find (probably because I was angry and not thinking very clearly), my ex and his gf walked in the door. Which is another point of conflict, btw, although I hadn't mentioned anything yet, so I can't really expect them to know that bothered me. I had given him a key to take care of the cats, with Roadie's permission, and ever since then, he just enters the house with the key without knocking or calling ahead. Since neither of us are ever home, I didn't say anything at first, but I had just decided the next time they did that I would say something.
But they dropped a bomb first.
I was notified (not asked) that my ex, his gf, her daughter, their 2 cats, their snake, their ferret, and a handful of rats, would all be moving into "my" house in a couple of weeks.
It's true that I'm only renting a room and that Roadie owns it and can do whatever he wants with it. But most of the other communal living situations I know of try to ask the current residents if there are any known problems with the prospective residents before springing this on them. The only exceptions I am aware of are the college housing situations, and they have policies in place for switching around if things aren't working out.
I also understand that my ex and his gf are in a tough spot right now and Roadie is really helping them out the way he did for me. But the reason why he is my ex in the first place is because we discovered that we CAN NOT LIVE TOGETHER.
Let's also factor in the point that I HATE KIDS and there is a child coming in as part of the package deal who would be in the room closest to mine.
Let's also factor in that my cats are poorly socialized and do not get along with other animals. Hell, 6 years later and Misty *still* doesn't get along well with Onyx (Misty is very much monogamous-kitty). I treat them with all the respect and consideration I would treat any member of my family. I do not add anything to the household that would unnecessarily stress its current occupants, just the way that I try not to add partners to my romantic life that would cause harm to my existing partners. I take the responsibility of being a kitty mommy very seriously ... probably more seriously than a lot of people do with their own children. The cats total lack of power in their lives only makes me respect my power over them more and I take great care not to abuse it. So that means not adding more animals to the household and giving them a protected space that is "theirs" when they feel threatened. It's not like I can have a discussion with them and work out acceptable compromises and negotiate for everyone's happiness. They don't understand why I'm gone so much for work, and they don't understand why these other strange animals are moving into their territory and taking up their space.
All in all, it would take a great amount of effort to make this situation worse for me than it already is. I suppose if you made the incoming family fundies it could be worse, but then if they were, Roadie wouldn't want them here either.
So, with this little tidbit of life-altering information, I called up Josie and asked to crash at her house for the next gig (which was this week). I spent 3 nights there and we talked a lot about what moving in would entail. She is willing to do a renewable short-term lease which allows me to live there more or less indefinately while still being available to moving into my own apartment should I find one. It's basically the exact same situation I am in now, but in Orlando where I need to be. My expenses will go up slightly, but the cost of living in Orlando is higher than Tampa and my expenses would have to go up anyway.
I am hoping that my work will continue to be stead enough to support a much higher increase that would come with me getting my own apartment and that Josie's house will be temporary, but I feel good about the decision to move into her house even if it does last longer than anticipated, the way my situation here at Roadie's house did. One plus ... she does insist on getting my "approval" for whoever rents out her other room, providing I don't abuse my "Veto Power" and veto everyone just to avoid having another roommate. I really hate the lack of control I have with simply renting a room out of someone's house. At least in an apartment, every decision to be made is soley mine ... and in a shared apartment, the control is (theoretically) shared between the residents, not resting fully in the hands of one person to which we are all subjected whether we like it or not. Sure, there are lots of people who try to be considerate when making decisions that affect everyone else. But I do not do well with the idea that someone else can have control over my life. There are things that we generally have no control over, but I am in control of my own happiness, and when someone else has the power to affect my happiness, then the only thing I can do is change the situation that *I* am in so that they no longer have that control. In this case, that means moving out of a house where the owner can and will arbitrarily decide who else lives there regardless of my personal preference.
Part of the problem, here, comes because I can sometimes be too accomodating. Yes, Miss Iron-Fist Control Bitch is "too accomodating". For instance, Roadie often lets this other person stay here and I am very uncomfortable with her staying here. But he has said if she ever gets out of line to tell him and he'll take care of it, and now my ex and his gf have dictated that this person is not allowed over here at all while they are living here. I just *felt* like I couldn't control if she stayed here because it's his house and not mine, although the reality is probably not so. I also took great care not to rearrange the house too much outside of my own room, while my ex and his gf walked in the other day and started making plans to remove the bulk of the furnishings to decorate to their tastes ... so I assume they had permission to do so. If this is correct, I could also assume I had the same privilege. So some of my irritation at this perceived loss of control can be attributed to my own lack of initiative at taking back some of this control. I guess something I should work on for the future is to not assume that people will automatically see my attempts to be accomodating and be respectful of that in a reciprocating manner. But since I am so often seen as overbearing, controlling, bossy, bitchy, etc., I think I may go overboard sometimes to show that I am not, but that I am willing to compromise. It would probably benefit me to find out up front how much compromise I can expect from people and then use that compromising room to its full extent (not abuse it), rather then bend over backwards to be nice and then get upset when people don't make the same accomodations for me.
But anyway, now I'm getting tangential and personal-growth-processey. The bottom line is that I had sufficient motivation and good timing to find a similiar living situation to what I have now, but in Orlando, and I still have the flexibility to improve my living situation to one where I am most comfortable ... living in my own apartment - alone would be preferable, sharing with someone compatible who is equal and not above me would be next preferable.
So, hopefully this time, when I plan the Welcome To The Rat Hole party, it will actually happen and not get postponed like my still-not-fulfilled Carrousel Birthday Party (which I think may have to come on my half-birthday at this rate). Maybe I'll even have time to build a St. Andrews Cross in time!
Then came the Disaster House. My partner was paying an amount equal to the mortgage while I made up the difference that was generated by all other bills and did the accounting and made sure everything ran smoothly (not to mention the part where I purchased the storage shed in the backyard and built it and cracked the whip over our other partner to do his share of the housework that was all our original agreement for division of responsibility). She decided she couldn't afford her part anymore and it wasn't "fair" that she paid more money than I did (never mind the fact that I did all the accounting and nothing got paid on time if it weren't for me ... including "her" mortgage), and instead of discussing the options with me, she just stopped paying. So I sold the house right before the mortgage company sold us to a Collections agency and got out. The ironic part? The very first month after I sold the house, my business picked up and I was suddenly making enough money to take over all the expenses and give her a break ... y'know, the kind of thing that live-in partners do for each other.
Anyway, so I moved out and my business picked up. The reason why it picked up is because I started working with companies that were based out of Orlando. My Tampa clients weren't giving me enough work, but the Orlando clients required me to travel to Orlando.
So, for a few months, I tried to balance the two cities, working a little in Orlando, more in Tampa. But word got out and I became in demand around Orlando with the much-higher paying clients, and pretty soon my work became exclusively Orlando-based, not the least of which was because the Orlando clients booked me a couple of weeks in advance while the Tampa clients called me only a couple of days in advance ... so I was already booked with higher-paying clients by the time they called me.
I tried to commute for a while. I briefly dated someone in my business who also lived in Tampa and who had a hybrid car, so that was convenient, finance-wise, but it added 4 hours to our day (2 hour commute each way), no matter how long it was already. And since some of our days are 12+ hours long, that makes for some very long days.
Then, right around the time it became no longer convenient to carpool with him (explosive breakups can be like that), I started crashing over at my friends' houses who lived in the area. This way I could book several days in a row in Orlando, drive up just once, stay there a few days, then go home. That solved the gas problem, but pretty soon I was spending more days in Orlando than I was in Tampa and seriously inconveniencing my friends (as some of my journal entries have ranted about). I missed my cats and my bed and I was exhausted from not having enough alone time.
So about a year ago, I decided I really should move to Orlando, even though I really didn't want to. THEN, I lost my apartment rather suddenly and my good friend Roadie just happened to have a room in his Palm Harbor house that he wanted to rent out. He decided to rent it to me and I decided I would move in temporarily while I continued to search for a more permanent location in Orlando. Roadie's situation was great ... he was never home, the house is large and comfortable, the rent was reasonable and came with high-speed internet. The big problem was that it added another 45 minutes to my commute time! So I continued the search, but found nothing in Orlando within my price range. It was beginning to look like I would have to take on a roommate.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. My friend Josie and I met up at FPR and she said she had a room for rent that just became available at her house in Orlando. It had been suggested to me that I contact her for crash space by more than one person already, so I filed this away as a possible option.
Then, last week, my world got turned upside down.
I came home from a 6-day stint in Orlando to find a huge trash pile out by the curb with some of my things in it. To be totally honest, the stuff that was thrown out was not immediately identifiable as stuff that definately should be kept. But since it was *my* stuff, nothing should have been thrown out without my specific permission.
My ex is having a party at Exile (which is what I call this house) like Roadie does for him on occasion, and so he and his gf and Roadie got together to do the big Clean & Purge they've been talking about for some time. That was great to find the garage all nice and boxed up and organized, including some of my stuff. But for someone who is as materialistic as I am (in the sense that I am emotionally attached to my material possessions and I am a control freak on top of that), having someone going through my things and having some of my things thrown out, particularly when I had no advance notice that people (who are not me) would be going through my stuff is something that really really REALLY bothers me. Did I mention it bothers me? Seriously, did I mention just how much that pisses me off?
Of course, the first thing I did was rescue my stuff from the garbage. Then I roamed through the house trying to locate everything that got relocated. A mere few minutes after finding something that I was looking for that was particularly difficult for me to find (probably because I was angry and not thinking very clearly), my ex and his gf walked in the door. Which is another point of conflict, btw, although I hadn't mentioned anything yet, so I can't really expect them to know that bothered me. I had given him a key to take care of the cats, with Roadie's permission, and ever since then, he just enters the house with the key without knocking or calling ahead. Since neither of us are ever home, I didn't say anything at first, but I had just decided the next time they did that I would say something.
But they dropped a bomb first.
I was notified (not asked) that my ex, his gf, her daughter, their 2 cats, their snake, their ferret, and a handful of rats, would all be moving into "my" house in a couple of weeks.
It's true that I'm only renting a room and that Roadie owns it and can do whatever he wants with it. But most of the other communal living situations I know of try to ask the current residents if there are any known problems with the prospective residents before springing this on them. The only exceptions I am aware of are the college housing situations, and they have policies in place for switching around if things aren't working out.
I also understand that my ex and his gf are in a tough spot right now and Roadie is really helping them out the way he did for me. But the reason why he is my ex in the first place is because we discovered that we CAN NOT LIVE TOGETHER.
Let's also factor in the point that I HATE KIDS and there is a child coming in as part of the package deal who would be in the room closest to mine.
Let's also factor in that my cats are poorly socialized and do not get along with other animals. Hell, 6 years later and Misty *still* doesn't get along well with Onyx (Misty is very much monogamous-kitty). I treat them with all the respect and consideration I would treat any member of my family. I do not add anything to the household that would unnecessarily stress its current occupants, just the way that I try not to add partners to my romantic life that would cause harm to my existing partners. I take the responsibility of being a kitty mommy very seriously ... probably more seriously than a lot of people do with their own children. The cats total lack of power in their lives only makes me respect my power over them more and I take great care not to abuse it. So that means not adding more animals to the household and giving them a protected space that is "theirs" when they feel threatened. It's not like I can have a discussion with them and work out acceptable compromises and negotiate for everyone's happiness. They don't understand why I'm gone so much for work, and they don't understand why these other strange animals are moving into their territory and taking up their space.
All in all, it would take a great amount of effort to make this situation worse for me than it already is. I suppose if you made the incoming family fundies it could be worse, but then if they were, Roadie wouldn't want them here either.
So, with this little tidbit of life-altering information, I called up Josie and asked to crash at her house for the next gig (which was this week). I spent 3 nights there and we talked a lot about what moving in would entail. She is willing to do a renewable short-term lease which allows me to live there more or less indefinately while still being available to moving into my own apartment should I find one. It's basically the exact same situation I am in now, but in Orlando where I need to be. My expenses will go up slightly, but the cost of living in Orlando is higher than Tampa and my expenses would have to go up anyway.
I am hoping that my work will continue to be stead enough to support a much higher increase that would come with me getting my own apartment and that Josie's house will be temporary, but I feel good about the decision to move into her house even if it does last longer than anticipated, the way my situation here at Roadie's house did. One plus ... she does insist on getting my "approval" for whoever rents out her other room, providing I don't abuse my "Veto Power" and veto everyone just to avoid having another roommate. I really hate the lack of control I have with simply renting a room out of someone's house. At least in an apartment, every decision to be made is soley mine ... and in a shared apartment, the control is (theoretically) shared between the residents, not resting fully in the hands of one person to which we are all subjected whether we like it or not. Sure, there are lots of people who try to be considerate when making decisions that affect everyone else. But I do not do well with the idea that someone else can have control over my life. There are things that we generally have no control over, but I am in control of my own happiness, and when someone else has the power to affect my happiness, then the only thing I can do is change the situation that *I* am in so that they no longer have that control. In this case, that means moving out of a house where the owner can and will arbitrarily decide who else lives there regardless of my personal preference.
Part of the problem, here, comes because I can sometimes be too accomodating. Yes, Miss Iron-Fist Control Bitch is "too accomodating". For instance, Roadie often lets this other person stay here and I am very uncomfortable with her staying here. But he has said if she ever gets out of line to tell him and he'll take care of it, and now my ex and his gf have dictated that this person is not allowed over here at all while they are living here. I just *felt* like I couldn't control if she stayed here because it's his house and not mine, although the reality is probably not so. I also took great care not to rearrange the house too much outside of my own room, while my ex and his gf walked in the other day and started making plans to remove the bulk of the furnishings to decorate to their tastes ... so I assume they had permission to do so. If this is correct, I could also assume I had the same privilege. So some of my irritation at this perceived loss of control can be attributed to my own lack of initiative at taking back some of this control. I guess something I should work on for the future is to not assume that people will automatically see my attempts to be accomodating and be respectful of that in a reciprocating manner. But since I am so often seen as overbearing, controlling, bossy, bitchy, etc., I think I may go overboard sometimes to show that I am not, but that I am willing to compromise. It would probably benefit me to find out up front how much compromise I can expect from people and then use that compromising room to its full extent (not abuse it), rather then bend over backwards to be nice and then get upset when people don't make the same accomodations for me.
But anyway, now I'm getting tangential and personal-growth-processey. The bottom line is that I had sufficient motivation and good timing to find a similiar living situation to what I have now, but in Orlando, and I still have the flexibility to improve my living situation to one where I am most comfortable ... living in my own apartment - alone would be preferable, sharing with someone compatible who is equal and not above me would be next preferable.
So, hopefully this time, when I plan the Welcome To The Rat Hole party, it will actually happen and not get postponed like my still-not-fulfilled Carrousel Birthday Party (which I think may have to come on my half-birthday at this rate). Maybe I'll even have time to build a St. Andrews Cross in time!
no subject
Date: 3/31/07 12:09 am (UTC)From:It's just that sometimes I am completely baffled at the kinds of things that people take for granted. I've had comments from others about how over-accomodating I am and how I don't take for granted even some things that I *should* have a right to assume (certain privileges that might come with being, say, romantic partners, for example), so I suppose I give people too much leeway for being considerate of my own feelings by projecting my ideas of consideration onto others.
But I need to move to Orlando, and this at least gave me he impetus to proactively find a place to live. I work better with deadlines.