More On Masculinity, Emotions, And Weakness

[joreth]

So, a while ago, I made a post using dancing as an example of people's fears, of emotional vulnerability.  I pointed out three celebrities in particular in the show Dancing With The Stars - a rodeo champion, a football player, and a gymnast - who were terrified of what other people would think of them and who were afraid to be vulnerable.

The two macho men were so afraid of looking foolish, of not being "masculine", of being vulnerable, that they were inhibiting their own abilities.  Their dancing suffered and their performance suffered.

But then a surprising thing happened.

The football player discovered he actually had rhythm, when he stopped worrying about what his buddies would think, and the gymnast gets her highest scores and best compliments when she puts emotion into her dancing.  In fact, she's only 17, but her best dance so far was a very sophisticated and adult foxtrot, where she exhibited elegance and grace and a connection to the spirit of the dance.  She's a powerful and athletic dancer, but she tends to lack the more refined details, such as the performance and the subtle elegance, because she draws too much on her gymnastics background, which is *all* power and strength.  But when she takes it down a notch, when she doesn't come charging onto the floor, when she lets us see her softer side, she is rewarded by showing us a refined performance, worthy of a dancer much older than her 17 years, someone who has experienced something about life.  It's a much richer performance and much more interesting to watch.

The cowboy, Ty, who I especially singled out as being most concerned about not being masculine, received several phone calls after his, really, very poor performance.  All from his macho, masculine friends, all supportive.  Hmm, let's see, a good-looking guy, getting to dance with one of the hottest women in the country, in very skimpy outfits, performing feats of athleticism and rhythm, leading her around, mastering a physical skill ... who woulda thought that might be a masculine activity?

So, with a burst of confidence, he came back the next week ...

and blew the judges away with his improvement.

For his second week, he took a risk of not being "masculine" and he was rewarded for it with a good performance.  The next week he took those positive comments from the judges, and the confidence from his improved performance, and did something even riskier.  He showed vulnerability.  He showed emotion.  He let the audience see his fears, he connected to his partner on the dance floor, and he was rewarded with the comments "the most improved dancer". 

Now, Ty is not the best dancer on the show.  He will not win the competition.  And I don't care.  Ty is taking a risk.  He is letting himself get over this idea of what a "man should be" and he is allowing himself to lower those barriers and be vulnerable on the floor.  And he is being rewarded for it.  Now, as I said, he will not win the competition because there are other dancers out there who are just physically more able than he is.  He's still a bit too stiff in his movements and I do not believe he will catch up to the fluidity and grace that some of the other dancers have already acheived.

But that's not the point.  I want to dance with Ty.  I find him charming and endearing and I enjoy watching him, seeing his improvement, seeing his confidence grow and watching him get more comfortable with who he is, and I enjoy watching him enjoy himself on the dance floor.  He makes me want to share that experience with him.  He won't take home the trophy for best dancer, but he's the one I want to dance with.

Comments

[leora.livejournal.com]

I'm glad they're actually learning and growing from this.