We Want To Give You Money!

[joreth]

I hadn't seen this one before, probably because I don't actually read the spam that comes in my inbox.  But I accidentally scanned a couple of lines and read enough to find it humorous.  My comments in purple.  So, have a laugh:

Dear friend,
Greetings in the name of God my names are Mrs.  Linda Hoffman (yes, her names - plural) Now undergoing
medical treatment here in Mauella Hospital Birmingham UK. I am married to Dr.
Richard S. Hoffman. We were married for fifteen years without a child. Before
his death he made a vow to use his wealth for the down trodden and the less
privileged in the society. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a
child outside my matrimonial home.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of five million six hundred
and forty thousand Euros (Ђ5,600,000) with a Finance firm presently, this
money is still with the Finance House. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would
not last for the next 45 days due to cancer problem (Because cancer is measured in 
days and doctors are that accurate with how long people will live). Though what disturbs me
most is my stroke (which, apparently, hasn't affected her the speech portions of the brain - 
not to mention the double whammy of a terminal case of cancer that gives her less than 2 months 
to live and a stroke happening at the same time).

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to an individual or
better still a God fearing person (so naturally she thought of me) who will 
utilize this money the way I am going
to instruct here in. I want an individual that will use this fund to provide
succour to poor and indigent persons, orphanages, and widows and for propagating
peace in the universe (because the first thing I would do with a sudden financial 
windfall is give it away to someone else, not, like, pay off my college loans or 
move out of the one room I'm living in or anything).

I understand that blessed is the hand that gives. I took this decision because
I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives
are not inclined to helping poor persons and I do not want my husband's hard
earned money to be misused or spent in the manner in which my late husband did
not specify.

I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner,
hence the reason for taking this bold decision (of contacting a public atheist, 
polyamorist and kinkster ... or more likely, randomly contacting thousands of 
people and betting the odds that several of them will be Christians). I am not 
afraid of death hence (often used interchangeably with "since") I
know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the
Almighty.

I do not need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health
and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always (who are 
nosy enough to spy on my phone calls but don't seem to have noticed that their 
terminal cancer/stroke patient sat for an hour at the computer composing this email). I do
not want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contacts of my Attorney.
  I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the
original beneficiary of this fund. I want you to always pray for me. My
happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation (it's always been my dream 
to emulate idiots and hucksters!). Whosoever that wants to
serve the Almighty must serve him with all his heart and mind and always be
prayerful all through your life.

Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for an individual for
this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act according to my
specification herein. Herein are my photos for your perusal.
I await your correspondence to my mail (a/s/l?).

Yours Sincerely
Mrs. Linda Hoffman

Comments

[leora.livejournal.com]

I know that when I want my money to go to a good cause, I always think to myself: should I give it to a reputable charity of my choosing that I can investigate and be sure it uses the money wisely or should I give it to a random stranger who simply tells me they will use it wisely?

It's such a hard decision. Which one is more likely to use the money well? Somebody help me to figure that out!!!