Yes, that's pretty much how I feel about it too. It's not that I mind saying "I love you too", it's that I don't like to be expected to respond that way and I don't expect anyone to say it back to me when I do say it. It's tied into that hatred of obligation that I have, like with gift-giving. It loses its meaning when it's obligation.
I think I developed this hatred of obligation with respect to auto-responses in the Catholic church. How could anyone mean all those protestations of love when they sounded like robotic drones and had to say these phrases at scripted points in the service every week? Surely some of those utterances were said while the mind was on something else? I know mine was! And if so, the saying of the phrase becomes meaningless when it's an auto-response. I can program my email to auto-response, I certainly don't want someone professing his love for me in the same manner!
Things like with compliments, if someone I cared about told me that it was very meaningful for me to give them compliments and they need to hear it more often for their self-esteem or just as a gesture of love, could I please make an effort to increase the amount of valid, truthful compliments, I might be more inclined to do so, because they would all be genuine. Sort of in the manner that I might try to perform an act of service or not be so cranky in the mornings or attempt to just listen without trying to solve the problem when someone just wants to vent, because I want to show someone that I care and these are the ways that are most meaningful to them, perhaps in the way I might ask someone to do the dishes more often, or just please let me carry my own bag, or come dancing with me, because this is what means something *to me*.
But merely prompting me to pay them a compliment *right now, this minute, and it should be this kind of compliment*, like the "miss me?" question really pushes my obligation buttons. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's particularly irksome.
One of the truck drivers at work yesterday was hitting on me all day as I delivered freight to his truck. He filled his truck and had to come back 3 times in one day. On the 2nd or 3rd time, he asked me if I missed him. 1) No, I don't know you well enough to like you well enough to miss you. 2) No, I was too busy doing my job to miss anyone. 3) You weren't gone long enough for me to miss you even if there wasn't a 1 or a 2. Then I got the conversation above earlier today from someone online.
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Date: 5/25/08 01:09 am (UTC)From:I think I developed this hatred of obligation with respect to auto-responses in the Catholic church. How could anyone mean all those protestations of love when they sounded like robotic drones and had to say these phrases at scripted points in the service every week? Surely some of those utterances were said while the mind was on something else? I know mine was! And if so, the saying of the phrase becomes meaningless when it's an auto-response. I can program my email to auto-response, I certainly don't want someone professing his love for me in the same manner!
Things like with compliments, if someone I cared about told me that it was very meaningful for me to give them compliments and they need to hear it more often for their self-esteem or just as a gesture of love, could I please make an effort to increase the amount of valid, truthful compliments, I might be more inclined to do so, because they would all be genuine. Sort of in the manner that I might try to perform an act of service or not be so cranky in the mornings or attempt to just listen without trying to solve the problem when someone just wants to vent, because I want to show someone that I care and these are the ways that are most meaningful to them, perhaps in the way I might ask someone to do the dishes more often, or just please let me carry my own bag, or come dancing with me, because this is what means something *to me*.
But merely prompting me to pay them a compliment *right now, this minute, and it should be this kind of compliment*, like the "miss me?" question really pushes my obligation buttons. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's particularly irksome.
One of the truck drivers at work yesterday was hitting on me all day as I delivered freight to his truck. He filled his truck and had to come back 3 times in one day. On the 2nd or 3rd time, he asked me if I missed him. 1) No, I don't know you well enough to like you well enough to miss you. 2) No, I was too busy doing my job to miss anyone. 3) You weren't gone long enough for me to miss you even if there wasn't a 1 or a 2. Then I got the conversation above earlier today from someone online.
::headdesk::