Okay, my turn for TMI. I've never had anything but a clitoral orgasm, and never from PIV sex. I probably could have in the past if I'd bothered to try, but I was (and am) a total oral sex addict, so I'd just as soon get off that way and focus on the fantastic feeling of cock during sex.
After I had a baby almost four years ago though, several things changed. First, my sex drive skyrocketed. Second, in a cruel twist of fate, it became much more difficult for me to orgasm. Unless my husband is going down on me, that is, in which case I have to try not to come too soon, which is how it's always been with him. I love it when my boyfriend goes down on me too, but it hasn't quite made me come yet. I think part of that is because I was monogamous for so long. When I married my husband, he was the only boy I'd ever kissed, and I've become very finely tuned to the the ways he stimulates me. Another thing with the boyfriend, I think, is that I was on a progestin-only birth control pill (because I was breastfeeding) when we started having sex, which made it almost impossible for me to orgasm, so cunnilingus became an exercise in frustration for both of us that we haven't quite gotten past.
One thing that's remained consistent from pre- to post-baby is the direct nerve connection between my nipples and my clitoris, but masturbating is a whole different thing now. I'd never used a vibrator before, just clitoral stimulation with my hand, but there's no way that would be enough to get me off now. I also never used to like having PIV sex after I'd orgasmed, but now post-orgasm is one of my favorite times to screw. And my orgasms themselves, though they start with the same burst of intense pleasure, are now followed by fantastic, long, shuddering, echoing catastrophes of insane delight. So I'm not complaining about that. I definitely have the guilt thing though, because with my boyfriend, it does usually take me 45 minutes to come using a Hitachi Magic Wand, and I know that's pretty boring for him. We just recently tried to use it during sex, but he ended up with a bruise from it. I could try a smaller vibrator, I suppose, but I really think that would just be too many things to juggle at once and would distract me too much from the mental focus and precise stimulation I need to have an orgasm. And it would also detract from the joy of straight up fucking. Amusingly, I realized while trying to use the Hitachi during sex that there was a valid logistical reason for anal sex, but that doesn't do me any good, because boy do I not want to have anal sex.
Probably with the boyfriend I should be more vocal about the precise nature of the constant nipple stimulation I want while I'm using the Hitachi. That would probably hasten the arrival of my orgasm, which would be good for both of us, since the Hitachi does become overstimulating in fairly short order. But for some reason, it feels slightly silly to say, "No no, tweak my nipples THIS way." It's totally ridiculous, of course, that I'm a 30-year-old, 21st century feminist with a loving partner, who's still occasionally reluctant to say what I want, but there it is.
None of this is really a complaint though, just an unconscionably prolonged contemplation of the importance of my own nipples. :) Overall, when I think about my sex life, I think: I have two lovers, the sex I have with each of them is radically different, and I love all of it.
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Date: 4/15/08 08:52 pm (UTC)From:After I had a baby almost four years ago though, several things changed. First, my sex drive skyrocketed. Second, in a cruel twist of fate, it became much more difficult for me to orgasm. Unless my husband is going down on me, that is, in which case I have to try not to come too soon, which is how it's always been with him. I love it when my boyfriend goes down on me too, but it hasn't quite made me come yet. I think part of that is because I was monogamous for so long. When I married my husband, he was the only boy I'd ever kissed, and I've become very finely tuned to the the ways he stimulates me. Another thing with the boyfriend, I think, is that I was on a progestin-only birth control pill (because I was breastfeeding) when we started having sex, which made it almost impossible for me to orgasm, so cunnilingus became an exercise in frustration for both of us that we haven't quite gotten past.
One thing that's remained consistent from pre- to post-baby is the direct nerve connection between my nipples and my clitoris, but masturbating is a whole different thing now. I'd never used a vibrator before, just clitoral stimulation with my hand, but there's no way that would be enough to get me off now. I also never used to like having PIV sex after I'd orgasmed, but now post-orgasm is one of my favorite times to screw. And my orgasms themselves, though they start with the same burst of intense pleasure, are now followed by fantastic, long, shuddering, echoing catastrophes of insane delight. So I'm not complaining about that. I definitely have the guilt thing though, because with my boyfriend, it does usually take me 45 minutes to come using a Hitachi Magic Wand, and I know that's pretty boring for him. We just recently tried to use it during sex, but he ended up with a bruise from it. I could try a smaller vibrator, I suppose, but I really think that would just be too many things to juggle at once and would distract me too much from the mental focus and precise stimulation I need to have an orgasm. And it would also detract from the joy of straight up fucking. Amusingly, I realized while trying to use the Hitachi during sex that there was a valid logistical reason for anal sex, but that doesn't do me any good, because boy do I not want to have anal sex.
Probably with the boyfriend I should be more vocal about the precise nature of the constant nipple stimulation I want while I'm using the Hitachi. That would probably hasten the arrival of my orgasm, which would be good for both of us, since the Hitachi does become overstimulating in fairly short order. But for some reason, it feels slightly silly to say, "No no, tweak my nipples THIS way." It's totally ridiculous, of course, that I'm a 30-year-old, 21st century feminist with a loving partner, who's still occasionally reluctant to say what I want, but there it is.
None of this is really a complaint though, just an unconscionably prolonged contemplation of the importance of my own nipples. :) Overall, when I think about my sex life, I think: I have two lovers, the sex I have with each of them is radically different, and I love all of it.