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Explaining the difference is still very difficult for me. It's very much a "I know the feeling when I feel it" kind of thing. This is just how the difference manifests *to me*.
www.quora.com/Whats-the-difference-between-a-romantic-relationship-without-sex-and-a-best-friend-How-are-the-feelings-different/answer/Joreth-Innkeeper
Q. What's the difference between a romantic relationship without sex and a best friend? How are the feelings different?
A. For me, the difference is intention.
In a friendship, everything is taken on an as-is basis. We are friends, until we aren’t. We hang out together, unless we don’t. Although there might be *hope* for continuity and longevity, there is no *expectation* of such. I go for long stretches of time not talking to my friends, and when we get together again, it’s as if no time as passed. We just pick up where we left off.
This works for me in both platonic friendships and FWB type friendships.
But, for me, *romance* includes the intention of continuity and longevity. We have more of a commitment to actively working on the ongoing-ness of the relationship, whatever the structure of that relationship might be. It’s less of a default of being together and more of an active participation in being together, with explicit plans and intentions to continue things or work on things or being together.
It’s a very subtle difference, and not something that outside observers are likely to be able to see. But from within a relationship, it *feels* very different to the participants.
There is not a difference in the *potential* level of emotional intimacy. Each of my friends and partners has their own unique amount of emotional intimacy, because that intimacy is made up of the two of us in that relationship.
So, a "best friend" and an LTR partner might have a comparable amount of emotional intimacy. But it will be different kinds of intimacy because the two *people* are two different people but not because the two relationships are different relationship categories.
Because of the nature of each intimate connection being unique, sure, there are friends with lower amounts of intimacy than romantic partners. But they're not lower in intimacy because they're *friends*, they're lower in intimacy because that's just how that relationship worked out.
I suppose that, because of the nature of my romantic relationships having *intention* of continuity and longevity, that sort of by default, I do have an expectation of emotional intimacy there. I don't have those intentions with friendships, so I don't have an expectation of the amount of emotional intimacy, so my friendships can range all over the map.
Same with sexual relationships - just because we're having sex, I don't expect there to be emotional intimacy by default, so my sexual relationships range from no intimacy to all the intimacy. But I also tend to be more descriptive than prescriptive, so it's not so much "I have decided that we will be romantic partners, therefore I now have expectations of emotional intimacy".
It's more like "I noticed that this relationship really wants to be emotionally intimate and I would like to be intentional about our continuity and longevity, which would make this a romantic relationship for me".
Some of my non-romantic friendships have that same level of emotional intimacy, but I don't feel the pull to make things intentional. That's what makes them not romantic to me.
And then, just to make things even muddier, I do have some platonic, non-romantic relationships with some degree of intention, and those relationships get categorized in my head as "non-romantic family". Those are even harder for me to tease out and explain why they're different, though. I think it has to do with the specific things that I feel intentional about.
www.quora.com/Whats-the-difference-between-a-romantic-relationship-without-sex-and-a-best-friend-How-are-the-feelings-different/answer/Joreth-Innkeeper
Q. What's the difference between a romantic relationship without sex and a best friend? How are the feelings different?
A. For me, the difference is intention.
In a friendship, everything is taken on an as-is basis. We are friends, until we aren’t. We hang out together, unless we don’t. Although there might be *hope* for continuity and longevity, there is no *expectation* of such. I go for long stretches of time not talking to my friends, and when we get together again, it’s as if no time as passed. We just pick up where we left off.
This works for me in both platonic friendships and FWB type friendships.
But, for me, *romance* includes the intention of continuity and longevity. We have more of a commitment to actively working on the ongoing-ness of the relationship, whatever the structure of that relationship might be. It’s less of a default of being together and more of an active participation in being together, with explicit plans and intentions to continue things or work on things or being together.
It’s a very subtle difference, and not something that outside observers are likely to be able to see. But from within a relationship, it *feels* very different to the participants.
There is not a difference in the *potential* level of emotional intimacy. Each of my friends and partners has their own unique amount of emotional intimacy, because that intimacy is made up of the two of us in that relationship.
So, a "best friend" and an LTR partner might have a comparable amount of emotional intimacy. But it will be different kinds of intimacy because the two *people* are two different people but not because the two relationships are different relationship categories.
Because of the nature of each intimate connection being unique, sure, there are friends with lower amounts of intimacy than romantic partners. But they're not lower in intimacy because they're *friends*, they're lower in intimacy because that's just how that relationship worked out.
I suppose that, because of the nature of my romantic relationships having *intention* of continuity and longevity, that sort of by default, I do have an expectation of emotional intimacy there. I don't have those intentions with friendships, so I don't have an expectation of the amount of emotional intimacy, so my friendships can range all over the map.
Same with sexual relationships - just because we're having sex, I don't expect there to be emotional intimacy by default, so my sexual relationships range from no intimacy to all the intimacy. But I also tend to be more descriptive than prescriptive, so it's not so much "I have decided that we will be romantic partners, therefore I now have expectations of emotional intimacy".
It's more like "I noticed that this relationship really wants to be emotionally intimate and I would like to be intentional about our continuity and longevity, which would make this a romantic relationship for me".
Some of my non-romantic friendships have that same level of emotional intimacy, but I don't feel the pull to make things intentional. That's what makes them not romantic to me.
And then, just to make things even muddier, I do have some platonic, non-romantic relationships with some degree of intention, and those relationships get categorized in my head as "non-romantic family". Those are even harder for me to tease out and explain why they're different, though. I think it has to do with the specific things that I feel intentional about.
