joreth: (sex)
www.quora.com/How-do-you-ask-a-guy-to-sleep-with-you/answer/Joreth-Innkeeper

Q. How do you tell a guy you just want to hook up with him?

A.
Here’s what I said to the last guy I hooked up with:
“Hey there, I know we’re not compatible for dating in a relationship, but would you be interested in a hookup?”
Here’s what I said to the guy I hooked up with before that:
“So, we’re both getting out of long-term relationships and not interested in getting back into another one right now. What do you think about hooking up then?”
Here’s how I hit on a celebrity that I met when I worked for him once and a friend of mine who knew him said he would probably be open to me propositioning him:
“I hope you don’t mind, but [mutual friend] said you would be open to hearing about a fantasy I had about you…”
He said “Oh, yeah, tell me all about it!”

[I told him all about it]

He said “wanna make that a reality the next time I come to town?”

I said “yes”.

Now I keep an eye out for whenever his show is going to be in town, and if he doesn’t message me first asking to hookup, I message him to see if he wants to see me while he’s in town. So I basically ask him for a hookup about once a year (or he asks me for one).

Here’s how I asked another guy for a hookup:
“I’m kinda crushing on you right now. Interested in a little fun tonight, no strings attached?”
Basically, I find it’s usually most successful to just come out and tell someone that I’m attracted to them and interested in casual sex. But the real key to this working for me is by not having any expectations of their reciprocation. This means that, when I tell someone I’m interested, I don’t have any agenda. I’m not trying to “talk them into it”, I’m just passing along information. They can do with that information what they will. If they’re also interested in me, great, we’ll hookup. If they’re not interested in me, great, now I know where we stand and I let it go and we can go on being friends or coworkers or whatever we were before I propositioned them.

Getting all weird about it, asking in soft language to protect myself just in case they say no, not handling rejection, making them responsible for my expectations, trying to talk them into it - all that kind of stuff is what makes things awkward and uncomfortable and all the things that people fear when they fear rejection.

So I just put my interest out there, and if they return the interest then it’s cool and if they don’t then it’s still cool and I move on.

I can’t reasonably expect to get what I want if I don’t ask for what I want. So I ask for what I want. Some of the time, I get what I want. A lot of the time I don’t, but that’s life and I move on.
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