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#ProTip - Don't ask a woman to dance more than twice in a row either. And by "row", I mean 2 consecutive songs, OR 2 times dancing with you with neither of you dancing with anyone else in between. 2 is the limit, and even that should be reserved for those times when the first dance is at least halfway through the song so that it doesn't really "count" as a full dance.
So, like, you ask her to dance, then you sit down next to her and talk at her for the next 3 songs, then you ask her to dance again, then sit down next to her and talk at her some more, and then ask her to dance a third and a fourth time, and neither of you dances with anyone else in between.
Don't do that.
Don't monopolize someone's time at a social dance. If you sit down next to her and start talking to her, other people are less likely to come and interrupt to ask her to dance with them. So she may only be sitting with you and not dancing with others because you just cockblocked them, not because she's actually that into you.
Ask someone to dance once. Thank them, walk them back to where you picked them up, and then leave them. Make sure you dance with at least one other person next. Keep an eye out to make sure either she has danced with someone else, or she has been standing there so long that she might be feeling ignored so you can offer her another dance because that's what she came there to do.
In non-dance settings (dance settings being ballrooms, Latin clubs, swing dances, etc., non-dances being things like bars, parties, clubs, and other social events), it may seem a little abrupt to limit yourself to just one dance and then bail on them. The Argentine Tango scene has a 3-song minimum limit, so if you're out, like, at a bar or something, you could probably go as many as 3 consecutive songs, or perhaps 1 song followed by conversation followed by another song.
I usually give someone 3 songs just in case they're an Argentine Tango dancer and not just socially inept. I started doing that when I first ran into a Tango dancer at a salsa club. He properly did the "ask, leave, ask later" method a couple of times, and then we danced a partial song so he asked for a second consecutive song, and then mentioned being a Tango dancer who was used to 3 songs, so I acquiesced to the Tango etiquette and he very properly dropped me off after the 3rd song and left me alone for a while so we could both dance with others.
Once I recognized this as a thing, I have now had it happen to me several times, so I give everyone a 3-song limit, where I will try to leave after one song, but if they hold onto me for a second song, I will give them 3 songs to let go voluntarily, after which time I will abruptly just leave them on the floor. So far I have met several Argentine Tango dancers this way and I've only had to interrupt one person who was going for a 4th song and who was not a Tango dancer. (I also did not dance with him again).
Those who have mastered the art of flirting know the trick to "leave them wanting more". Give them a taste, and then back the fuck off for a bit. Tell them you see someone you know that you want to say hi to, and you'll be back later, or something. Then surreptitiously keep an eye out. Are they scanning the crowd for you? Or are they keeping their head low, hoping you won't see them again? Or are they scanning the crowd for someone else to rescue them?
Catch their eye again, smile, nod, and go back to what you're doing. Do they reciprocate? Or do they seem to have a 6th sense for avoiding your eye?
Partner dance events have ages-old etiquette customs that are actually pretty good guidelines, for the most part. Especially because, as a geek myself, I know a lot of people who find social interactions to be kind of mysterious. So here's a good guideline if you don't have an intuitive sense of how to entice someone with the taste / back off / reel them in style of flirting.
No more than 2 songs. Whether that's actually dancing or chatting and using the songs as a timer. 2 consecutive songs, or 2 times in a row of dancing with them with no other partners for either of you in between (or, say, 2 songs worth of conversation with them, one-on-one, with no conversations with other people in between).
Go away for a little bit, see if you can catch their eye and do they seem excited to have you come back? Then come back. Rinse, repeat.
If not dancing, do this unless / until you get into a conversation with them where they seem focused and engaged, and there is good back-and-forth where you are both contributing, they keep their attention on you and the conversation, and seem excited to talk to you about whatever you're talking about.
Then you can talk to them as long as you both seem to want to talk to each other. But I still recommend looking for natural pauses in the conversation and breaking off to "say goodbye to my friend over there" or grab a drink or even to dance with someone else, and then coming back to continue the conversation later. That excitement that builds as one hopes for you to return really seems to affect a lot of people, so use it.
It will feel a little awkward, and maybe even a bit contrived at first, but practicing enough times at the "hello, now we engage, now I'm off again, now I'm back!" social interaction will make it easier with practice, and it will help you to avoid those awkward moments when you think someone is into you and they're desperately hoping that the ground will open up and swallow them whole just to escape without having to tell you that they don't want to talk to you anymore.
#TheArtOfFlirting #PartnerDancingLessonsAreOftenApplicableOutsideOfTheBallroom
So, like, you ask her to dance, then you sit down next to her and talk at her for the next 3 songs, then you ask her to dance again, then sit down next to her and talk at her some more, and then ask her to dance a third and a fourth time, and neither of you dances with anyone else in between.
Don't do that.
Don't monopolize someone's time at a social dance. If you sit down next to her and start talking to her, other people are less likely to come and interrupt to ask her to dance with them. So she may only be sitting with you and not dancing with others because you just cockblocked them, not because she's actually that into you.
Ask someone to dance once. Thank them, walk them back to where you picked them up, and then leave them. Make sure you dance with at least one other person next. Keep an eye out to make sure either she has danced with someone else, or she has been standing there so long that she might be feeling ignored so you can offer her another dance because that's what she came there to do.
In non-dance settings (dance settings being ballrooms, Latin clubs, swing dances, etc., non-dances being things like bars, parties, clubs, and other social events), it may seem a little abrupt to limit yourself to just one dance and then bail on them. The Argentine Tango scene has a 3-song minimum limit, so if you're out, like, at a bar or something, you could probably go as many as 3 consecutive songs, or perhaps 1 song followed by conversation followed by another song.
I usually give someone 3 songs just in case they're an Argentine Tango dancer and not just socially inept. I started doing that when I first ran into a Tango dancer at a salsa club. He properly did the "ask, leave, ask later" method a couple of times, and then we danced a partial song so he asked for a second consecutive song, and then mentioned being a Tango dancer who was used to 3 songs, so I acquiesced to the Tango etiquette and he very properly dropped me off after the 3rd song and left me alone for a while so we could both dance with others.
Once I recognized this as a thing, I have now had it happen to me several times, so I give everyone a 3-song limit, where I will try to leave after one song, but if they hold onto me for a second song, I will give them 3 songs to let go voluntarily, after which time I will abruptly just leave them on the floor. So far I have met several Argentine Tango dancers this way and I've only had to interrupt one person who was going for a 4th song and who was not a Tango dancer. (I also did not dance with him again).
Those who have mastered the art of flirting know the trick to "leave them wanting more". Give them a taste, and then back the fuck off for a bit. Tell them you see someone you know that you want to say hi to, and you'll be back later, or something. Then surreptitiously keep an eye out. Are they scanning the crowd for you? Or are they keeping their head low, hoping you won't see them again? Or are they scanning the crowd for someone else to rescue them?
Catch their eye again, smile, nod, and go back to what you're doing. Do they reciprocate? Or do they seem to have a 6th sense for avoiding your eye?
Partner dance events have ages-old etiquette customs that are actually pretty good guidelines, for the most part. Especially because, as a geek myself, I know a lot of people who find social interactions to be kind of mysterious. So here's a good guideline if you don't have an intuitive sense of how to entice someone with the taste / back off / reel them in style of flirting.
No more than 2 songs. Whether that's actually dancing or chatting and using the songs as a timer. 2 consecutive songs, or 2 times in a row of dancing with them with no other partners for either of you in between (or, say, 2 songs worth of conversation with them, one-on-one, with no conversations with other people in between).
Go away for a little bit, see if you can catch their eye and do they seem excited to have you come back? Then come back. Rinse, repeat.
If not dancing, do this unless / until you get into a conversation with them where they seem focused and engaged, and there is good back-and-forth where you are both contributing, they keep their attention on you and the conversation, and seem excited to talk to you about whatever you're talking about.
Then you can talk to them as long as you both seem to want to talk to each other. But I still recommend looking for natural pauses in the conversation and breaking off to "say goodbye to my friend over there" or grab a drink or even to dance with someone else, and then coming back to continue the conversation later. That excitement that builds as one hopes for you to return really seems to affect a lot of people, so use it.
It will feel a little awkward, and maybe even a bit contrived at first, but practicing enough times at the "hello, now we engage, now I'm off again, now I'm back!" social interaction will make it easier with practice, and it will help you to avoid those awkward moments when you think someone is into you and they're desperately hoping that the ground will open up and swallow them whole just to escape without having to tell you that they don't want to talk to you anymore.
#TheArtOfFlirting #PartnerDancingLessonsAreOftenApplicableOutsideOfTheBallroom
