![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
We've reached peak apologism for abusive and predatory relationship practices - arguing over whether or not a very specific example a MF couple seeking a very specific partner for a role they've pre-designed and prescipted "counts" as a "unicorn", instead of addressing the fact that the term #UnicornHunting was coined to highlight the *process* they use to find partners and the *dehumanization* of people in the poly community.
- "No, no, see, we're total sexual predators and we completely ignore people's agency, but the fantasy woman WE want is to be a sister-wife, not a bisexual woman to sleep with the existing wife, so it's totally OK because she's not a unicorn!"
- "No, no, see, we're total sexual predators and we completely ignore people's agency, but WE are looking for a *man*, not a woman, so it's totally OK because it's not a woman we're abusing!"
- "No, no, see, we're total sexual predators and we completely ignore people's agency, but we're looking for sex-only, not a relationship, so it's totally OK because it doesn't count as polyamory!"
- "No, no, see, we're total sexual predators and we completely ignore people's agency, but we're looking to build the perfect quad by preying on another couple, not a single woman, so it's totally OK because it's two for the price of one!"
Look, back in the early days when we were still figuring all this shit out and stuff hadn't been going on long enough for us to recognize it all at once, we picked out the most common end-result because it was the most common, the easiest to see, and because we were inundated by the sheer volume of posts and people looking for this one thing.
But it was never about the final configuration. The reason why Unicorn Hunting is fucking wrong is because of the process. If you have to get nitpicky about whether or not a specific example meets the definition of "unicorn" by exactly every single bullet point, then chances are you are probably still doing the thing the term "Unicorn Hunting" was coined for.
If you're not using predatory or abusive behaviour and you're not dismissing the agency of people, then you don't have to resort to picking apart the definition of "unicorn" to defend yourself.
If you're not doing the actual wrong stuff, then nobody gives a fuck if the other person in the equation is technically a "unicorn" or not. If you *are* doing the actual wrong stuff, then still nobody gives a fuck if the other person in the equation is technically a "unicorn" or not.
The term "unicorn" is merely a shorthand, and NOT THE FUCKING POINT. The term "unicorn" is important for what it represents - the dehumanizing and agency-dismissing-ness of the people seeking one, not the unicorn's plumbing or hair color or orientation or expected job duties.
But it was never about the final configuration. The reason why Unicorn Hunting is fucking wrong is because of the process. If you have to get nitpicky about whether or not a specific example meets the definition of "unicorn" by exactly every single bullet point, then chances are you are probably still doing the thing the term "Unicorn Hunting" was coined for.
If you're not using predatory or abusive behaviour and you're not dismissing the agency of people, then you don't have to resort to picking apart the definition of "unicorn" to defend yourself.
If you're not doing the actual wrong stuff, then nobody gives a fuck if the other person in the equation is technically a "unicorn" or not. If you *are* doing the actual wrong stuff, then still nobody gives a fuck if the other person in the equation is technically a "unicorn" or not.
The term "unicorn" is merely a shorthand, and NOT THE FUCKING POINT. The term "unicorn" is important for what it represents - the dehumanizing and agency-dismissing-ness of the people seeking one, not the unicorn's plumbing or hair color or orientation or expected job duties.
