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Another #LDR tip:
#LongDistanceRelationships are hard, especially when people's Love Languages are more about close proximity things like Physical Touch or Quality Time. Those seem to be the hardest to get met when people can't be physically near each other. Remember, languages have dialects, and so do Love Languages. In this context, a Love Language dialect is a specific form of expression that falls under a broader category.
I'm working on updating my Love Languages for Polyamory presentation to include a new way of looking at all the Love Languages - basically coming at them from the opposite direction to better help pinpoint which categories people fall under based on the *goals* that the expression, or dialect, reveals.
So, like, your dialect, or the actual expression of your Love Language, is really just a vehicle for a particular *motivation* that each Love Language category serves. I haven't worked out all the language to best explain it yet, though, so that might have just made things more confusing. Anyway, knowing what the underlying motivation is can not only help you identify what your Love Language category and dialects are, but can also help you find creative solutions to relationship complications and logistics, like distance.
Someone in a forum recently asked how to manage an LDR when what they really liked to do was cook for someone. That sounds to me like a dialect made up of a combination of Acts of Service (the act of preparing a meal) and Quality Time (the time spent together enjoying the meal). I'll be honest, this potential solution never would have occurred to me had I not lived in today's world. I suggested that the person who enjoyed cooking for people prep a meal with all the non-perishable ingredients already measured out and packaged, and prepare one for themself.
Then ship those ingredients and a list of instructions to the loved one. The loved one can get the perishable items when they receive the package and, together over Skype or some other video chat, the two of them can prepare their respective meal kits at the same time in their own kitchens, and then take the video chat to the table (or couch, or wherever) and enjoy the meal together.
Other, related options include actually making a food item that travels well that requires no additional cooking or baking on their end and ship that to them. You can request a phone call or text or video chat when they open it so that you can experience their surprise with them. 2 things gave me this idea. The first is having services like Blue Apron. There are now meal prep services that you can pay for that will do this exact same thing - people who know a thing or two about cooking come up with simple, easy-to-follow, yet tasty recipes and pre-package all the non-perishable ingredients already measured out.
You can subscribe to these services and they will send you a meal prep kit that, according to their ad copy, anyone can put together. It supposedly saves time and food because you don't have to do any shopping or buy large quantities of things, you are sent exactly what the recipe calls for. And, apparently, families can still cook "together" and sit down together to a "home cooked meal" instead of pizza or processed foods.
The other thing is that one of my partners does not know how to cook and this has been a source of frustration for me for our entire relationship. But, as I did not live with him, I was able to ignore his lack of cooking skills and leave that to be his problem. But then one day he decided it was time to learn how to be self-sufficient and he started learning how to cook. A combination of knowing that I supported his growth process and wanted to see him become more self-sufficient and learn some adulting skills, and also me having a really bad time of things over here, led him to send me through the postal service his very first batch of cookies.
This was an incredibly sweet (pun intended) care package and it represented so many things so it meant a lot to me. He wanted to make me feel better but he couldn't physically be with me during a hard time, and this was a representation of his own personal growth that I have been supporting and championing for years.
Even though I always knew that you could buy food through the mail (my parents even ordered meat and ice cream through a delivery service when I was a kid - it's a thing), it still didn't occur to me that one could send baked goods or prepared food to a loved one at a distance. And then when all these food kit services started coming out, it reminded me of all those holiday gifts where you prepare a cookie or brownie mix in a mason jar and give that as gifts that the recipient is supposed to make themselves but you've already measured and mixed the hard stuff for them.
And then, also, there's the Netflix Party plugin that I've talked about before that allows people to watch the same Netflix movie at the same time across multiple devices and locations. So, when this person asked the question of how to connect with an LD partner when what they really want to do is cook for them, suddenly everything gelled into this suggestion:
Cook or bake something that can be shipped and send it to them, requesting that they open it with you "present" in the form of text, voice, or video connection; Prepare a meal kit of pre-measured ingredients that can be shipped and send it to them, prepare a duplicate kit for yourself, and then make and eat the meals "together" via video chat.
If the Quality Time aspect is not the important part for you, just make the food or kits and ship them.
Happy cooking!
P.S. - this works for metamours too! And bio-family! And friends!
#LongDistanceRelationships are hard, especially when people's Love Languages are more about close proximity things like Physical Touch or Quality Time. Those seem to be the hardest to get met when people can't be physically near each other. Remember, languages have dialects, and so do Love Languages. In this context, a Love Language dialect is a specific form of expression that falls under a broader category.
I'm working on updating my Love Languages for Polyamory presentation to include a new way of looking at all the Love Languages - basically coming at them from the opposite direction to better help pinpoint which categories people fall under based on the *goals* that the expression, or dialect, reveals.
So, like, your dialect, or the actual expression of your Love Language, is really just a vehicle for a particular *motivation* that each Love Language category serves. I haven't worked out all the language to best explain it yet, though, so that might have just made things more confusing. Anyway, knowing what the underlying motivation is can not only help you identify what your Love Language category and dialects are, but can also help you find creative solutions to relationship complications and logistics, like distance.
Someone in a forum recently asked how to manage an LDR when what they really liked to do was cook for someone. That sounds to me like a dialect made up of a combination of Acts of Service (the act of preparing a meal) and Quality Time (the time spent together enjoying the meal). I'll be honest, this potential solution never would have occurred to me had I not lived in today's world. I suggested that the person who enjoyed cooking for people prep a meal with all the non-perishable ingredients already measured out and packaged, and prepare one for themself.
Then ship those ingredients and a list of instructions to the loved one. The loved one can get the perishable items when they receive the package and, together over Skype or some other video chat, the two of them can prepare their respective meal kits at the same time in their own kitchens, and then take the video chat to the table (or couch, or wherever) and enjoy the meal together.
Other, related options include actually making a food item that travels well that requires no additional cooking or baking on their end and ship that to them. You can request a phone call or text or video chat when they open it so that you can experience their surprise with them. 2 things gave me this idea. The first is having services like Blue Apron. There are now meal prep services that you can pay for that will do this exact same thing - people who know a thing or two about cooking come up with simple, easy-to-follow, yet tasty recipes and pre-package all the non-perishable ingredients already measured out.
You can subscribe to these services and they will send you a meal prep kit that, according to their ad copy, anyone can put together. It supposedly saves time and food because you don't have to do any shopping or buy large quantities of things, you are sent exactly what the recipe calls for. And, apparently, families can still cook "together" and sit down together to a "home cooked meal" instead of pizza or processed foods.
The other thing is that one of my partners does not know how to cook and this has been a source of frustration for me for our entire relationship. But, as I did not live with him, I was able to ignore his lack of cooking skills and leave that to be his problem. But then one day he decided it was time to learn how to be self-sufficient and he started learning how to cook. A combination of knowing that I supported his growth process and wanted to see him become more self-sufficient and learn some adulting skills, and also me having a really bad time of things over here, led him to send me through the postal service his very first batch of cookies.
This was an incredibly sweet (pun intended) care package and it represented so many things so it meant a lot to me. He wanted to make me feel better but he couldn't physically be with me during a hard time, and this was a representation of his own personal growth that I have been supporting and championing for years.
Even though I always knew that you could buy food through the mail (my parents even ordered meat and ice cream through a delivery service when I was a kid - it's a thing), it still didn't occur to me that one could send baked goods or prepared food to a loved one at a distance. And then when all these food kit services started coming out, it reminded me of all those holiday gifts where you prepare a cookie or brownie mix in a mason jar and give that as gifts that the recipient is supposed to make themselves but you've already measured and mixed the hard stuff for them.
And then, also, there's the Netflix Party plugin that I've talked about before that allows people to watch the same Netflix movie at the same time across multiple devices and locations. So, when this person asked the question of how to connect with an LD partner when what they really want to do is cook for them, suddenly everything gelled into this suggestion:
Cook or bake something that can be shipped and send it to them, requesting that they open it with you "present" in the form of text, voice, or video connection; Prepare a meal kit of pre-measured ingredients that can be shipped and send it to them, prepare a duplicate kit for yourself, and then make and eat the meals "together" via video chat.
If the Quality Time aspect is not the important part for you, just make the food or kits and ship them.
Happy cooking!
P.S. - this works for metamours too! And bio-family! And friends!
