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OK, I'm waiting until I finish the whole show (up to wherever is current) before I give a full review of The Magicians, but this line really pissed me off:
She says "that's what I'm mad at you for - not the cheating part. The part where what you did made me lose you."
Here's what happened -
A guy and a girl (both socially awkward) finally hook up after months of tension. They start a relationship. No conversation about monogamy takes place on screen.
The girl comes from openly poly parents. Both the guy and the girl have a couple as their best friends who are clearly in a primary but open relationship with the guy in the couple being flagrantly bisexual and fucking every cute boy that moves.
So one night, after partying particularly hard to celebrate something big, the guy in question ends up in a drunken, debaucherous threesome with the open couple. He wakes up the next morning with very little memory to find the girl sitting on the edge of the bed where the 3 of them are sleeping, pouting. She storms off.
With no conversation about what any of this all means, they just assume that they're broken up now and the girl goes and has angry revenge sex with another guy in the social group. They spend the rest of the season mad at each other and awkwardly tying to complete the tasks that make this a show in the first place.
What is pissing me off about this line is that it is totally devoid of personal responsibility. She is not mad that he cheated, she's mad that his cheating *made her so mad that she broke up with him*.
WTF DUDE?
What he did absolutely did not "make her lose him". That is a choice she made. And she's totally free to make that choice, but it's still her choice. Thousands of couples experience cheating every day and choose to stay together and work through the circumstances surrounding the cheating. She of all people has a background in how to deal with this.
In fact, her own mother managed to have an affair and make it work. Her parents have one of those toxic "poly" relationships where they only ever do anything *together*. But her mother started a relationship with a guy without the father, and that counts as "cheating" in their relationship. Eventually, they hashed it all out, and the Other Man joined the couple in a triad and everyone was happy.
So, I mean, toxic and fucked up, but even they had the tools to deal with it that didn't resort to ending a relationship for a first infraction and without talking about it.
If she didn't want to "lose" him, she could have prevented it. He never intended to break up with her and regretted (what he remembered of) his night with the other couple. It was a casual fling borne of high emotions and copious amounts of alcohol. It was not an action *intended* to end his relationship. That was not its goal.
She didn't "lose" him. She rejected him after his infidelity. Then she deliberately set out on a course of action intended to hurt him with her revenge sex (which he pointed out the difference when she got mad at him for judging her for it - "what I did was a mistake, what you did was on purpose and malicious").
And she's mad at him for it.
No wonder finding him in bed with their friends hurt her - she has no concept of owning her own shit, of accountability, of knowing her own emotional landscape, or of taking responsibility for her actions, let alone how her emotions dictate her actions.
I didn't much like her throughout the show. Now I hate her.
If she is to be mad, she should totally be mad at the betrayal of their (implicit) agreements and promises to each other. That's OK to be mad about. Weird to me, because I don't operate that way, but a broken agreement is worth getting upset about. But to be mad at him because *she* got so mad that she broke up with him?
That's some impressive mental gymnastics to abdicate any responsibility right there.
She says "that's what I'm mad at you for - not the cheating part. The part where what you did made me lose you."
Here's what happened -
A guy and a girl (both socially awkward) finally hook up after months of tension. They start a relationship. No conversation about monogamy takes place on screen.
The girl comes from openly poly parents. Both the guy and the girl have a couple as their best friends who are clearly in a primary but open relationship with the guy in the couple being flagrantly bisexual and fucking every cute boy that moves.
So one night, after partying particularly hard to celebrate something big, the guy in question ends up in a drunken, debaucherous threesome with the open couple. He wakes up the next morning with very little memory to find the girl sitting on the edge of the bed where the 3 of them are sleeping, pouting. She storms off.
With no conversation about what any of this all means, they just assume that they're broken up now and the girl goes and has angry revenge sex with another guy in the social group. They spend the rest of the season mad at each other and awkwardly tying to complete the tasks that make this a show in the first place.
What is pissing me off about this line is that it is totally devoid of personal responsibility. She is not mad that he cheated, she's mad that his cheating *made her so mad that she broke up with him*.
WTF DUDE?
What he did absolutely did not "make her lose him". That is a choice she made. And she's totally free to make that choice, but it's still her choice. Thousands of couples experience cheating every day and choose to stay together and work through the circumstances surrounding the cheating. She of all people has a background in how to deal with this.
In fact, her own mother managed to have an affair and make it work. Her parents have one of those toxic "poly" relationships where they only ever do anything *together*. But her mother started a relationship with a guy without the father, and that counts as "cheating" in their relationship. Eventually, they hashed it all out, and the Other Man joined the couple in a triad and everyone was happy.
So, I mean, toxic and fucked up, but even they had the tools to deal with it that didn't resort to ending a relationship for a first infraction and without talking about it.
If she didn't want to "lose" him, she could have prevented it. He never intended to break up with her and regretted (what he remembered of) his night with the other couple. It was a casual fling borne of high emotions and copious amounts of alcohol. It was not an action *intended* to end his relationship. That was not its goal.
She didn't "lose" him. She rejected him after his infidelity. Then she deliberately set out on a course of action intended to hurt him with her revenge sex (which he pointed out the difference when she got mad at him for judging her for it - "what I did was a mistake, what you did was on purpose and malicious").
And she's mad at him for it.
No wonder finding him in bed with their friends hurt her - she has no concept of owning her own shit, of accountability, of knowing her own emotional landscape, or of taking responsibility for her actions, let alone how her emotions dictate her actions.
I didn't much like her throughout the show. Now I hate her.
If she is to be mad, she should totally be mad at the betrayal of their (implicit) agreements and promises to each other. That's OK to be mad about. Weird to me, because I don't operate that way, but a broken agreement is worth getting upset about. But to be mad at him because *she* got so mad that she broke up with him?
That's some impressive mental gymnastics to abdicate any responsibility right there.
