Fun With Language

[joreth]

I was on a poly forum today and there was a thread about the word "secondary".  There are all sorts of debates over that word, what it means, when to use it, can you have more than one, stuff like that.  This thread, however, was not a debate but an acknowledgment that some people take issue with that word and its implications and the poster asked if there were any other words that meant roughly the same thing.

For clarification, *I* use the word descriptively to refer to a romantic partner who is somehow not as emotionally intimate as a "primary" or has less daily life entanglement.  My definition requires that I also have a definition for "primary", since it relies on its relativity (is that a word?).  Primary is, IMO, a marriage-like relationship, which implies a strong emotional connection, future intentions and commitments, and some level of daily entanglement, although that is flexible since it is possible to have the intimacy and intentions with someone you don't live with (think of overseas soldiers and their wives) or keep separate finances, etc.

I don't have very clear boundaries for primaries, secondaries and tertiaries.  I just use whatever term *feels* right at the time and I'm OK with that fluidity.

Anyway, this is not a debate on primary vs. secondary vs. non-hierarchical terms.  In the course of this thread, I started thinking about language and polyamory and how we've had to create or redefine many words because so much of what we are trying to do has no previous model to refer to.  The word "polyamory" was made up by Morning Glory Zell (and Jennifer Wasp and a couple of other people who arrived at the term independently of each other) by smooshing Greek and Latin roots together to approximate what she was trying to say and writing her own definition based on the root meanings.  A lot of our words seem to come about this way.

So I started playing with Greek and Latin base words for fun and I've come up with a very silly list. Although I understand a lot of ancient Greek and Latin words, I never took any Latin in school so I have no clue about conjugation or constructing multi-word phrases.  For instance, I sometimes call my sweeties "mi corazon" which means "my heart" in Spanish.  I know the root word for "heart", but I don't know how to add a possessive to it to create a phrase that I can use as a term of endearment in Latin or Greek.  Perhaps someone with a stronger understanding of language can more properly join my frankenstein words? Oh, and I like the way the French conjugation looks better, so I used "amour" instead of "amor" everywhere but I suppose they're interchangeable:

~contamour - united love. 1) cont: to join; unite 2)amour: love
~familamour - family of love (intentional family) or loving family / loving family member. 1) famil: family 2) amour: love
~amal - loving other. 1) am: love; loving 2) al: other (or alam?)
~deutamour - second love. 1) deut: second 2) amour: love
~diamour - second love. 1) di: two 2) amour: love
~diphil - second love. 1) di: two 2) phil: love
~aliamour - other love. 1) ali: other (ali, allo, alter) 2) amour: love
~amouret - love group. (amourette) 1) amour: love 2) et: group
~philet - love group. (philette) 1) phil: love 2) et: group
~acinamour - cluster of love grapes. 1)acin: cluster of grapes 2) amour: love
~convolvocor - entwined hearts. (convolvocar, convolvocard, convolvocord) 1) convolvo: to entwine 2) cor: heart
~forniphil - vault of love. 1) fornix: vault 2) phil: love
~galemour - love weasel. 1)gale: weasel 2) amour: love
~jugomour - yoked together with love. 1) jug: yoked together 2) amour: love
~phalanamour - the close formation of love troops. 1) phalan(x/g): the close formation of troops 2) amour: love
~phylamour - tribe of love. 1) phyl: tribe 2) amour: love
~reticamour - network of love. 1)retic: network 2) amour: love
~coralter - other heart. (cordalter, caralter, cardalter) 1) cor: heart 2) alter: other
~alteramare - other love. 1) alter: other 2) amare: love

Most of these are just silly, but I actually kinda like acinamour and amouret to refer to ones network or group, and aliamour to refer to one's other partner. I like the sentiment of convolvocor but it feels bulky to me to say.

Comments

[rain-herself.livejournal.com]

I've seen you use metamour before (at least I think it was you), and love it. Such a perfect word.

[tedeisenstein.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't worry about getting the Latin or Greek strictly correct, since what you're doing isn't really allowed by their rules anyway, all that smooshing together. That's one of the nice things about English: it allows for portmanteau words with little regard for perfection in grammar.

[joreth]

Yeah, metamour has become accepted by the general poly lexicon for a while. I think specifically it means "with or about love", and it is generally used to describe ones partner's other partner ... as in, you are my metamour because you are my partner (tacit)'s other partner.

I use a lot of terms to describe my partners, but some people just seem dead set on categorizing their partners and there is no other term to describe specifically a secondary-level partner that isn't the word "secondary", which comes with all sorts of negative implications.

My earlier post in that thread detailed some of the words I use to describe my various partners:

I don't generally use the hierarchical terms, but as long as they're used DESCRIPTIVELY and not PRESCRIPTIVELY, they're OK.

Mostly, though, I just call my partners:

sweeties, partners, boyfriends, lovers, smoochy-friends, SO, OSO

Anything that needs more clarification than that requires a longer conversation than a one-word term anyway. Anyone who is familiar with my romantic network doesn't need the extra clarification of a special term.

When having the longer discussion to categorize my partners, I use the following terminology:

Sweeties and Boyfriends are people I have full Relationships (capital R) with that include long-term intentions and committments.

FWB and "my boys" are the people I have less structured relationships with that do not include long-term intentions or commitments, but do include my mandatory safe-sex rules.

Smoochy-friends is not a term I use often, but I most often hear it in the context of people that are cuddly, smoochy, light-make-out-ey but aren't people you consider yourself "dating" and are not having intercourse with either.

Partner is anyone I have a sexual relationship with of any level (I use 4 levels of sexual involvement to distinguish between levels of safety).

SO and OSO are Significant Other and Other Significant Other. I tend to use OSO when speaking about metamours (my partner's other partner), but the language can be applied to mean "my Significant Other and my Other Significant Other".

Then there's TOCOTOX, which means TO COmplicated TO eXplain (often pronounced like TOE-coe-tox).

I have a list of terms at Link:(www.theinnbetween.net} - www.theinnbetween.net/polyterms.html

[joreth]

:-) yeah, I'm not worried about being strict, but having some familiarity with conjugating verbs properly can make the word both easier to understand by those who have never heard it and sometimes easier to say. When one understands how the word works, then one can make the proper changes to the word to more easily smoosh it together :-)

[rain-herself.livejournal.com]

Yes, I've seen it around since then. Still like it, though. And, since it sounds like you're unaware of it, tacit and I broke up. Or at least I think we did. With him it is difficult to be sure. :)

[joreth]

ah, yes, I was unaware of that. It can be difficult to tell sometimes. Early on in our relationship, I *thought* he broke up with me when what he actually meant was he didn't want to move forward until a certain situation got changed. After that situation changed, I thought we "got back together". I found out about a year later that we had never broken up.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

heh, very cool. :)
"metamour" is a term that seems pretty darn useful. As to yours, I really like "philet." I could use that one to describe my family, although usually I just refer to 'em as my family, since I'm not close to most of my biological kin.

[joreth]

I've always used "family" too, but I think it confuses people who are unused to poly terms and the concept of intentional family.

I use "metamour" all the time. I still call corpsefairy my metamour even though, technically, we're not since we both broke up with our mutual boyfriend. But she's close enough to me that "friend" doesn't really cover it, unless I'm talking to someone who understands my usage of "Friend" and "friend"

[girlpurple.livejournal.com]

Ok, I have to say that "convolvocor" makes me think "Partners with Volvos"("con "being spanish for "with")

On the other hand, Volvo station wagons can be pretty useful for hauling around the extended network of sweeties and their spice. :-)

[joreth]

It's funny you mention that ... I thought the same thing when I first saw it!

[james-the-evil1.livejournal.com]

LOVE WEASEL, YAY!

[joreth]

I thought you'd like that one

[joreth]

Oops, that should be www.theinnbetween.net/polyterms.html