Thanks for sharing this. I'm fairly sure my ex still thinks he's the victim of my "selfishness and inconsiderate behavior". I eventually saw him as controlling and gaslighting. I'm pretty sure I caused him real pain by not submitting to his control. I'm pretty sure I did some genuinely crappy stuff to him (abusive?) and made some hurtful mistakes as well. I spent years convinced that I was the bad guy in the relationship and worked on everything I could think of to fix. Eventually, I just had to decide that if I was making him that unhappy, it was better for both of us if I leave. I am part of a community that has tried to deal with abuse/consent issues, and almost immediately after we started to examine how to address issues in our community, we had someone who was demonstrably (publicly) abusive claim the role of victim and demand an intervention (where we would somehow force former partners who had finally cut off contact to sit down and "mediate" with the person). We had not tools to deal with that and just stopped trying (for now).
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Date: 9/27/16 11:32 am (UTC)From:I am part of a community that has tried to deal with abuse/consent issues, and almost immediately after we started to examine how to address issues in our community, we had someone who was demonstrably (publicly) abusive claim the role of victim and demand an intervention (where we would somehow force former partners who had finally cut off contact to sit down and "mediate" with the person). We had not tools to deal with that and just stopped trying (for now).