When asked "why are you interested in people outside of your relationship?", instead of responding things like "because I like variety" or "because no one can be someone's everything!", I see my relationships differently.... The relationships are different and encompass different things... It's a *consequence*, not a motivating cause.
I guess I don't really hear other people answer this question -- I didn't realize the common thread of "because variety" until reading this, but I notice it now.
For me, variety has nothing to do with it. I'd happily date 4 near-clones, and my favorite lovers are all very like to each other. My polyamory is not about what I DO want so much as it is about what I DON'T want. I don't want to have to put people in roles or privilege my sexual relationship over my friendships in order to make one person feel loved and safe. I don't want to have to limit all my connections so that they don't accidentally develop romantic aspects. I don't want to have to define some cuddles as platonic and others as romantic. I don't want to spend so much time and energy on one person that I cannot imagine my life without them and my identity becomes intermingled with our relationship, thus making it impossible to really know if I even want to be in it, or to know who I am without their influence.
For me, polyamory is not about having multiple partners, it's about refusing artificial limits. My polyamory is practiced just as much when I am single or dating one person. It's easier and more fun when I am dating more than one person! but it isn't any less of a part of who I am.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 5/21/16 05:58 am (UTC)From:I guess I don't really hear other people answer this question -- I didn't realize the common thread of "because variety" until reading this, but I notice it now.
For me, variety has nothing to do with it. I'd happily date 4 near-clones, and my favorite lovers are all very like to each other. My polyamory is not about what I DO want so much as it is about what I DON'T want. I don't want to have to put people in roles or privilege my sexual relationship over my friendships in order to make one person feel loved and safe. I don't want to have to limit all my connections so that they don't accidentally develop romantic aspects. I don't want to have to define some cuddles as platonic and others as romantic. I don't want to spend so much time and energy on one person that I cannot imagine my life without them and my identity becomes intermingled with our relationship, thus making it impossible to really know if I even want to be in it, or to know who I am without their influence.
For me, polyamory is not about having multiple partners, it's about refusing artificial limits. My polyamory is practiced just as much when I am single or dating one person. It's easier and more fun when I am dating more than one person! but it isn't any less of a part of who I am.