Date: 1/7/12 08:29 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] joreth
joreth: (being wise)
Oh, I'm quite certain a lot of guys think otherwise - it's part of the whole problem that some guys think a "no" just means "not yet". Even when I stand there, face to face with some guy and tell him exactly what I think and feel (and you know I can do that unambiguously), I have had many guys say right back that I am wrong (about what I feel) and that they know what I'm really feeling.

So I'm not surprised at all to learn that some guys think that when a woman says she's afraid that sex will mess up the friendship, that it's really some secret code for something else, even when it's not.

Not that many women don't beat around the bush or hint, but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and when a woman *does* say what she's thinking, she often isn't believed anyway.

The problem is, if we're going with stereotypes or "in many cases" here, that sex really does mess up a friendship because, just as often as women use that phrase for code for something else, men also use their "friendship" to get sex, and once they get laid, they really do quit being friends. So, although all this double-speak and game-playing and hints and other stuff is bullshit from all genders, many times the reason why a girl is honestly sincere about not wanting to lose a friendship is because there is a very good chance that the guy will, in fact, stop being friends with her once they have sex and/or start dating, and if she values friendship, a romantic relationship may not be worth that price.

Of course, that makes very similar assumptions about the guy as the guy is making about the girl. It'd be so much easier if everyone just said what they thought and only tried to pursue relationships with people who wanted the same kind of relationship.
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