Good for you. I know people like this too, and it's exactly the sort of thing that makes otherwise decent people (especially guys) confused over when they're supposed to be aggressive and when they're not.
I have friends who are submissive, not just in the beat-me way, but in the make-decisions-for-me way. And they have to negotiate with their Masters exactly when and how their Master is supposed to take that kind of control. And their Masters check in with them periodically and revise as necessary. This is, IMO, active consent.
I am also a fan of resistance play and kidnap scenes, as the "victim". But everything has to be negotiated ahead of time. That kind of negotiation and active consent actually gives my "perpetrator" the freedom to be the "perpetrator". The last thing any of us needs is someone who genuinely cares about my well-being, trying to do something as tricky and triggering as a resistance scene by hints alone, and messing it up.
I also had a friend once who refused to give her wishes in even the slightest things. I introduced her to Babylon 5 once and we watched 5 hours of it before I noticed that she couldn't see around a computer monitor between her and the TV. Really? It was that hard to ask me to move it, or to change where she was sitting? Yes, it probably was, and I blame that on a society that encourages people, women in particular, to not voice their desires and wishes.
We went to a party once, and I told her up front that I was fine with leaving whenever she wanted to leave, and that I would not leave until she told me she was ready. We stayed there until breakfast and she had fallen asleep twice. She learned to voice her opinion after that.
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Date: 8/30/11 01:32 am (UTC)From:I have friends who are submissive, not just in the beat-me way, but in the make-decisions-for-me way. And they have to negotiate with their Masters exactly when and how their Master is supposed to take that kind of control. And their Masters check in with them periodically and revise as necessary. This is, IMO, active consent.
I am also a fan of resistance play and kidnap scenes, as the "victim". But everything has to be negotiated ahead of time. That kind of negotiation and active consent actually gives my "perpetrator" the freedom to be the "perpetrator". The last thing any of us needs is someone who genuinely cares about my well-being, trying to do something as tricky and triggering as a resistance scene by hints alone, and messing it up.
I also had a friend once who refused to give her wishes in even the slightest things. I introduced her to Babylon 5 once and we watched 5 hours of it before I noticed that she couldn't see around a computer monitor between her and the TV. Really? It was that hard to ask me to move it, or to change where she was sitting? Yes, it probably was, and I blame that on a society that encourages people, women in particular, to not voice their desires and wishes.
We went to a party once, and I told her up front that I was fine with leaving whenever she wanted to leave, and that I would not leave until she told me she was ready. We stayed there until breakfast and she had fallen asleep twice. She learned to voice her opinion after that.