I haven't noticed any tedium in gaining consent within ongoing relationships. It wasn't even a conscious thing for us all to say things like "I'm interested in sex tonight, are you?"
Also, staying within well-established boundaries *is* active consent. You've set up signals that indicate a consent that was explicitly given, especially if "no means no" or whatever other agreed-upon signal you use, is part of that set of boundaries.
Strangely enough, I haven't had any criticisms coming from people who want to "keep women in their place". It has all been from men who claim to believe women are equal, but who proclaim that since women do not currently say yes, if the men wait around for them to do so, they'll never get laid. The implication, of course, is that women never will learn to say yes, and that no woman does.
I don't believe this will stop slut-shaming alone. But I do believe that a society that embraces the idea that women (and men) have to actively consent to sex is less likely to have any footing in slut-shaming women, because *all* women, including your sweet grandmother, had to do those things currently seen as shameful in order to have procreated. In other words, we can't have the Madonna/whore dichotomy because all those "madonnas" have to do the same things as the "whores", like admit to wanting sex.
The underlying mindsets of equality, ownership of sexuality, and active consent, by necessity, contradict the mindsets of slut-shaming. Of course, this is a social mindset I'm talking about, not an individual mindset, and we will never change *everyone's* mind on any issue, including slut-shaming.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 8/30/11 12:19 am (UTC)From:Also, staying within well-established boundaries *is* active consent. You've set up signals that indicate a consent that was explicitly given, especially if "no means no" or whatever other agreed-upon signal you use, is part of that set of boundaries.
Strangely enough, I haven't had any criticisms coming from people who want to "keep women in their place". It has all been from men who claim to believe women are equal, but who proclaim that since women do not currently say yes, if the men wait around for them to do so, they'll never get laid. The implication, of course, is that women never will learn to say yes, and that no woman does.
I don't believe this will stop slut-shaming alone. But I do believe that a society that embraces the idea that women (and men) have to actively consent to sex is less likely to have any footing in slut-shaming women, because *all* women, including your sweet grandmother, had to do those things currently seen as shameful in order to have procreated. In other words, we can't have the Madonna/whore dichotomy because all those "madonnas" have to do the same things as the "whores", like admit to wanting sex.
The underlying mindsets of equality, ownership of sexuality, and active consent, by necessity, contradict the mindsets of slut-shaming. Of course, this is a social mindset I'm talking about, not an individual mindset, and we will never change *everyone's* mind on any issue, including slut-shaming.