judgment I agree-for-real with this much of what you've said: If you enter a relationship with half of a couple, and then that couple makes new rules for your relationship without consulting you, you're being oppressed. Here's something I want to point out, though: If a couple lays out a script for your potential relationship with one of them and tells you the relationship is only available if you agree to the script, and you don't like what's in the script, or you don't like the fact of there BEING a script, but you choose to enter the relationship anyway and hide your anger and dissatisfaction at its rules, then they're not the first ones to fail to respect your life and needs. You are.
Wow. You really missed the point.
Her rant wasn't about that.
MOST OF US WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH SUCH A SHITTY EXPERIENCE WITH COUPLES HAVE LEARNED AND RESPECT OURSELVES ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN THINK OF GETTING INTO SUCH RELATIONSHIPS AGAIN.
Yet poly communities are littered with insecure couples that continue to DEFEND their right to treat others in such a shitty way because "there's no one right way to do poly".
And beyond that, when those of us who have been completely burned by such behavior call out couples who behave that way, somehow WE'RE viewed as attacking, or "imposing our ONE TRUE WAY" (as if it's too much to say "YOU SHOULDN'T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE SHIT")
Communities that do that give tacit permission for people to treat others like shit and for unpartnered or unmarried folk to be treated like second class citizens.
Save your judgement for those who deserve it. Sheesh.
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Date: 3/7/10 10:09 am (UTC)From:Wow. You really missed the point.
Her rant wasn't about that.
MOST OF US WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH SUCH A SHITTY EXPERIENCE WITH COUPLES HAVE LEARNED AND RESPECT OURSELVES ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN THINK OF GETTING INTO SUCH RELATIONSHIPS AGAIN.
Yet poly communities are littered with insecure couples that continue to DEFEND their right to treat others in such a shitty way because "there's no one right way to do poly".
And beyond that, when those of us who have been completely burned by such behavior call out couples who behave that way, somehow WE'RE viewed as attacking, or "imposing our ONE TRUE WAY" (as if it's too much to say "YOU SHOULDN'T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE SHIT")
Communities that do that give tacit permission for people to treat others like shit and for unpartnered or unmarried folk to be treated like second class citizens.
Save your judgement for those who deserve it. Sheesh.