How To Get A Partner

The only advice that actually works to "get" a partner is to become the sort of person that the kind of person you want would want. If you want a partner who values high end clothing & cookware, then having those things would probably help. If you want a partner who wants you to look like Hugh Jackman, then looking like Hugh Jackman would probably help.

But if you want a partner who values honesty, kindness, integrity, partnership, acceptance, and a long life together that necessarily includes changing bodies, then having ripped abs or a shiny car probably isn't the most efficient way of attracting that sort of person.  And compiling a list of "what women want" or whatever is your preferred gender, then checking things off the list like a Scavanger Hunt with a partner at the end like a prize is probably the least efficient method of all.  Be the person that your potential mate would value, and then while you're busy being that awesome person, potential mates will come to you naturally because you're that awesome person that your potential mates value.

Now, if YOU happen to like how you look with ripped abs and YOU happen to like driving a shiny fast car, then more power to you. It's just not what lots of people tend to value most in a long-term romantic partner, so when they're evaluating you as partner material, those sorts of things probably aren't going to be very high in the "pro" column.

However, if you *do* choose to focus on things like looks & status symbols and manage to attract a partner who values those things highly, you really can't complain when, after a while, you start to feel like they don't value you for more than your looks or status symbols.  In other words, if you promise to provide someone a monied lifestyle, don't be surprised when they want you to keep providing them with that same lifestyle. That was an expectation you created by focusing on money / status & then looking for people who were attracted to status / money.

On Aging

Got my first pair of reading glasses, and they're strong. I officially feel middle-aged.

I don't actually need them for most things, including reading. My eyesight is still pretty good. But I discovered with my latest bout of jewelry-making that, combining manipulating very tiny pieces that I need to hold up close with working often in poor light situations, having a set of magnifying lenses is beneficial. So that's how I'm thinking of them - portable magnifying lenses and jewelry tools much like the lighted magnifying glass I used to use when I painted miniatures as a teenager.

I've always been extremely sensitive to changes in my eyesight. Back when I wore glasses, my optometrist wouldn't believe me when I came in after a few months complaining of needing a new prescription until he tested me and found a very slight change. He said that most people would not have noticed a change that slight & he resisted giving me new lenses. But I notice.

That's why I had LASIK done. My distance vision is perfect 20/20 with absolutely no aberrations in the spherical-ness of my lens that the computer could detect. But near-sighted degradations happen for different reasons than far-sighted ... at least the ones that happen as we age. That's an aging muscle issue, whereas regular distance issues that are correctable by LASIK are usually aberrations of the surface of the lens. So I knew I would still end up with reading glasses some day and I had the procedure done anyway.

Shortly after my surgery, I did start to notice that I could no longer see my necklace clasp in sharp relief (I also had it done in my 30s). But how often do I look at things *that* close to my face? Other than my necklace clasp, never, and I don't actually need to see my clasp because I've been putting on my own necklaces for something like 25 years.

Until I started doing chainmail again. It's not quite as fuzzy as the clasp, since I'm not holding it *that* close. But jewelry chainmail is much smaller than armor chainmail, and the details matter because it's not a solid sheet of chain where a few not-quite-smoothly-closed jump rings can hide in the sheer volume of other jump rings. And I still pulled it off well.

But I decided to get a pair of reading glasses anyway, just to make it a little easier. I could settle for "good enough", or I could use the tools available to me to do better. And I found them helpful during my test-run with them last night and the night before. It takes some practice and conscious consideration to remember when to look over the glasses for longer distances and when to look down through the glasses for up-close work, which makes the middle ground on the table where I keep my supplies a challenging field, but I'm getting used to them.

I was just starting to get accustomed to the amount of grey in my hair, and now these. I just don't see myself as an adult, at least, not a middle-aged adult. I hate reminders of my mortality.