It's been years since I identified my personality type, so I might be wrong, but I am pretty sure I am an ENTP/F. I am pretty sure that there wee a few questions that answers were so close between choices that I actually took the test twice, trying out the other answers and it set me over edge of F.
Anyway, I have the same concept of politeness. But I am a little different. See, I have pretty awful anxiety, so I have a really hard time being relaxing and being natural around people who I classify as a "very close friend." I was also raised by a southern family that takes "the rules of polite society" and "acceptable behaviour" very seriously. This learned behaviour plus my anxiety manifests itself in an interesting way.
When I am with people I love and trust, I am very quiet. When I am with people I trust and love, I can suddenly relax enough to unwind. I no longer feel like I "have" to be on my best hostess behaviour. Normally I'm in "hostess" mode 100% of the time. Inside my house or not. I tend to make polite conversation with people who I just want to get away from. Every single human being I come across gets a smile--one that I make sure always reaches my eyes. If I could give you an analogy, It's like my brain is wearing a fancy cocktail dress that I can't really sit down in because it will get all wrinkled. And I'm wearing really really painful high heels. And As I get to know you better, is when I'll gradually shift into sprawled out across the couch with my stockings drapped across the back and my shoes kicked off in the middle of the floor.
Yes, I will call my friends out on their shit (in a loving constructive criticism manner) I expect them to do the same for me. But, mostly, a mark of trust for me involves me not feeling like I have to put up a politely interested front.
P.S. I've also read that book---actually the first 3 books in this world. I think he just wrote another one called "troll". that I want to read. I'd really love to discuss these books with you when you are done with them.
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Date: 7/24/09 01:03 pm (UTC)From:Anyway, I have the same concept of politeness. But I am a little different. See, I have pretty awful anxiety, so I have a really hard time being relaxing and being natural around people who I classify as a "very close friend." I was also raised by a southern family that takes "the rules of polite society" and "acceptable behaviour" very seriously. This learned behaviour plus my anxiety manifests itself in an interesting way.
When I am with people I love and trust, I am very quiet. When I am with people I trust and love, I can suddenly relax enough to unwind. I no longer feel like I "have" to be on my best hostess behaviour. Normally I'm in "hostess" mode 100% of the time. Inside my house or not. I tend to make polite conversation with people who I just want to get away from. Every single human being I come across gets a smile--one that I make sure always reaches my eyes. If I could give you an analogy, It's like my brain is wearing a fancy cocktail dress that I can't really sit down in because it will get all wrinkled. And I'm wearing really really painful high heels. And As I get to know you better, is when I'll gradually shift into sprawled out across the couch with my stockings drapped across the back and my shoes kicked off in the middle of the floor.
Yes, I will call my friends out on their shit (in a loving constructive criticism manner) I expect them to do the same for me. But, mostly, a mark of trust for me involves me not feeling like I have to put up a politely interested front.
P.S. I've also read that book---actually the first 3 books in this world. I think he just wrote another one called "troll". that I want to read. I'd really love to discuss these books with you when you are done with them.