"multiple partners increases the likelihood of someone involved fucking up and when that happens multiple people are affected, not just one. I'm not saying that it means monogamy is better than polyamory, but perhaps less risky."
- as someone with two lovers, i agree that it's a viable theory that i'm doubling my chances of getting hurt, and doubling my chances of hurting a partner, by doubling my partner number.
however. it's been my experience that in practice, i'm mostly doubling my resources of (and depositories for) sex, affection, support, and pleasant stuff like that. if i have an argument with one, or one isn't available, then it can be nice to have a second parnter to get a hug from. recently when A and i were having issues, i talked to B, and he gave me some perspective and good advice. i waited a bit before going back to A, we made up and are now even better than before. i think as long as you care about each other and communicate lots, and _don't mind_ the sharing (i've known people who were unhappy with sharing but tried to be poly anyway, and it ended badly) then it can be a perfectly doable way of going about things.
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Re: Good response
Date: 7/12/09 08:25 pm (UTC)From: (Anonymous)- as someone with two lovers, i agree that it's a viable theory that i'm doubling my chances of getting hurt, and doubling my chances of hurting a partner, by doubling my partner number.
however. it's been my experience that in practice, i'm mostly doubling my resources of (and depositories for) sex, affection, support, and pleasant stuff like that. if i have an argument with one, or one isn't available, then it can be nice to have a second parnter to get a hug from. recently when A and i were having issues, i talked to B, and he gave me some perspective and good advice. i waited a bit before going back to A, we made up and are now even better than before. i think as long as you care about each other and communicate lots, and _don't mind_ the sharing (i've known people who were unhappy with sharing but tried to be poly anyway, and it ended badly) then it can be a perfectly doable way of going about things.