I Quit PolyCentral

[joreth]

 

About a year ago, PolyCentral met at the downtown Library, which had free meeting rooms.  All we needed was someone with a library card to reserve the room.  But, apparently, they occasionally forgot to save the reservation and a couple of times, PolyC was unable to meet there. 


The benefit of the space was that it was free, and it facilitated a "meeting" and discussion type of environment.  The tables were set in a square and everyone could see everyone else and everyone could hear everyone else.  This was particularly helpful for the new people who found out about us through the website, which said "curious about polyamory and in the Orlando area?  Come on down and meet the community!"

We'd start with check-in, which involved going around the circle and introducing ourselves (if we wanted) and saying a little something about ourselves - most of the returning members would say how our lives have been since the last meeting.  Then, a topic would come up and we'd all discuss.

After 2 hours, we'd adjourn to a nearby restaurant and socialize.

Well, one month, the library dropped our reservation again, and the moderators scrambled to find a new location.  They found the Celt & Harp restaurant, which was an Irish pub down the street that had hosted our after-meeting socialization once before.  Half the space was a pub, and the other half was a sit-down restaurant that was closed on Sundays.  The owners agreed to open the restaurant portion for us on the first Sunday of every month.

I was opposed to this idea from the beginning, but we had no other options at the time.  We needed some time to locate proper meeting space, and the Celt was supposed to be a temporary place.  I was opposed for the following reasons:

1)  I believed that people would feel pressured to purchase food there and that would discourage people who didn't like the food or couldn't afford it.  When I brought this up, I was assured, very explicitly, that the owners had no problem with bringing in outside food.  I did not believe that policy would last long, so I brought in outside food and, sure enough, the manager came out one meeting and, quite rudely, insisted that no outside food be brought in.

To be clear, I have no problem with the restaurant insisting on no outside food.  I understand that they're there to make money.  I had a problem with the owner's attitude about it and I have a problem meeting in a location that requires a purchase of food.  The restaurant does *not* have a minimum order or anything like that, but I guarantee that the only reason they let us stay there is *because* people buy food.  If absolutely no one bought anything while there, you can bet your ass that we wouldn't be invited back.

2) The noise from the silverware during discussion is annoying and the wait staff is intrusive.  The last meeting I attended, in fact, we were in the middle of checkin when the waitress yelled out from across the room if we needed anything else.  The person who was giving his checkin at the time had to interrupt himself to ask for a refill (by calling out to her across the room) and then continued his checkin.  This is disruptive.

3) The nature of dinner tables is not conducive to a meeting atmosphere.  We do not sit in a circle facing everyone, we sit in a very long table (that gets expanded as more people arrive) where pre-existing members all arrive early and sit next to people they already know and new members arrive later and get stuck sitting down at the end of the table.  Because of the long table setting, the meetings usually break down immediately after checkin to small private conversations with people immediately adjacent to each other and the new people, again, are stuck down at the end not talking.

4) The layout of the room is not designed for large groups.  It is a fairly small dining room and there is a wall right in the middle of the room, effectively cutting it into 2 rooms with walkways into each half on either side of the wall.  On more than one occasion, the group was large enough that the tables actually had to snake around the corner, completely cutting off from view that half of the group from the other half.

Right before the move to the Celt, the group's membership was growing, and continued to grow after the move.  But many of the new members attended once or twice, and never came back.  I ran into many of these people again in other venues, and they all expressed their displeasure with the meetings for the very reasons I was concerned about before we moved.

So I asked around a bit and learned that the local SCA chapter had free meeting space at a mall in town.  They required a $100 deposit, which was pretty steep, but that deposit could simply be rolled over every month.  I figured we could raise the money in donations one time and be done with it.  Plus, at the mall, we had plenty of food options and could resume our two-part format, which was formal meeting first, socialization afterwards.

So I brought it up on the email list.  And the list exploded.

I was met with very angry reactions, resistant to me "taking over" the group and "changing it" from the original intention, which was just a social club for a handful of friends who happened to be poly who liked to get together for lunch once a month, into a support/therapy group.  Well, this was news to me.  I realize the group started 8 years ago before I ever joined, but every meeting I've ever attended in the last 5 years has been a "meeting" that encouraged new people to join and to discuss poly issues.

So I pointed out that I was hearing complaints from other people and no one else was willing to speak up, so I was speaking on their behalf.

I was told that PolyC was led by democracy, so we should take a vote.  At the time, I thought it was ridiculous to put the vote to the entire email list, which consisted of everyone who ever attended a meeting (and hadn't yet bothered to unsubscribe).  I felt we should be considering the needs of those who were actually attending.  But I was told it was a democracy, so everyone should have an equal vote.

And the vote went overwhelmingly in favor of moving to a meeting space.  The majority of people voted to move to the mall specifically, 2nd place came to staying at the Celt, and 3rd place went to moving to any new meeting space, as long as it was a meeting space and not a restaurant.

So I went about collecting money for the deposit.

Before I gathered the $100, the economy tanked and the mall started charging on top of their deposit.  So I looked around for another location.

Eventually, I found The Center.  There is absolutely no place in town that offers free meeting space.  And that's understandable, the property taxes and the lights and the water bill all have to get paid somehow.  Orlando's GLBT Center offered their meeting rooms for only $2 a person.  I felt this was acceptable because it wasn't a flat rate that we would have to meet no matter how many people showed up.  $2 is also the same amount that we pay for drinks down at the Celt.  Plus, the parking is free, we can bring in outside food and drinks, they have big comfy couches and a big-screen TV.  It was perfect.

So I let the group know that meeting space had been found, and to please change the website to reflect the new location.

I met with resistance.  I was told that the people who have attended the last 2 meetings all like the Celt and want to stay put.  I was actually told that anyone who was committed to attending the meetings will attend no matter where they're held.  Uh, no, if the people aren't getting anything out of the meetings, they won't attend just to attend.  So I pointed out that we held a vote, according to the rules, and the vote said to move.  Since I was told back when I first brought it up that we should take EVERYONE's opinion into account, this indicated to me that the rules were being changed because they didn't like the outcome.  Yes, the people who have attended the last couple of meetings like the Celt better.  That's because everyone who doesn't like the Celt stopped attending ... myself included.

But, they insisted, there is no "leader" so of course we'll move if everyone wants to move.

HELLO!  Everyone already SAID they wanted to move!  I did all the work and found the new place.

So, it's almost time for the June meeting, and I sent a reminder to whoever is in charge of the various online group calendars to make sure they change the location.

I was then told that the people who attended the May meeting talked about it and they decided that, nope, they like the Celt and they're going to stay there.  But they'll allow a 2nd meeting to take place on a day, that only those handful of people had any input on, at the Center.  Someone already contacted the Center to ask if that was OK.

And THEN!  I got an auto-response in my inbox that said I was made a moderator of the various email groups so I could make the kinds of moderator changes like I had requested about the calendar.

Fuck all this passive-aggressive bullshit.  "PolyC is run by a majority vote, and by 'majority vote' we mean whatever sub-portion of PolyC votes the way we like".  I'm done with PolyCentral.   So I quit.
 

However, since I have already arranged for the meeting space and I already have the key to the building, I'm thinking of starting up OrlandoPoly and running it on the first Sunday of every month.  What do you local people think about that?