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I don't know that I've ever felt envy before for a situation that I was so physically unable to participate in that I wouldn't have even wanted to participate in had I been given the option.
I'm a proponent of sharing the compersion and the up sides to polyamory. Although I don't advocate outright ignoring the down sides, it's generally better PR to not focus too much public attention on them - the opposition will do that for us. But sometimes, polyamory offers us the opportunity to experience unique negative emotions and situations in addition to the unique positive experiences and emotions.
Here's one of those negatives.
Fortunately, it wasn't an earth-shattering, mind-crumbling negative, just a twinge of envy and a "oh, hey, that's interesting - didn't know I could envy something I didn't actually want to do anyway". But it was kinda wierd.
And because some people will ask for the details, and others won't but will want to hear them, here's what happened.
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tacit posted about it, so I won't recount in full, but basically, my metamour got to have her two male partners fist her and fig her at Frolicon this past weekend.
Now, I don't like fisting and I'm not interested in figging, plus my antibiotics gave me a rather painful yeast infection so I didn't want really any genital contact at all over the weekend (which is a damn shame since I was at Frolicon). So I *really* didn't want to be in her position at all. Also, I'm not involved with either her or her other partner,the_no_lj_d, so I wasn't interested in joining in the existing party either. Actually, I quite enjoyed myself watching everyone else in the room and chatting with aclaro, femetal, and redheadlass, so I wasn't even feeling left out or anything.
What I *do* want is to have two (or more) male partners get along well enough with each other that I can have group sex with them, and have them gang up on me and coordinate their attacks.
What I *do* want is to attend a freakin' play party with a partner that I'm A) having penetrative sex with, B) have the play party allow penetration, and C) have my partner be interested in public sex - a situation I have yet to experience with all 3 elements in place.
What I *do* want is an event that is public enough and with the right kind of "public" that it might encourage certain of my friends to participate in, even if it's at a distance or with boundaries.
What I *do* like is the idea of my partner announcing to the world how much fun he had at said event.
There are two bits of irony in all of this. 1) I have had less group sex and less threesomes since becoming polyamorous and ceasing to be involved with monogamous men, and 2) I have had less group sex with *male partners* since I established that I am, indeed, straight and my bi-curiosity did not ever develop into an interest in sex with other women.
So I find myself just a tiny bit envious of a situation that I didn't actually want to participate in. It's an interesting feeling.
I'm a proponent of sharing the compersion and the up sides to polyamory. Although I don't advocate outright ignoring the down sides, it's generally better PR to not focus too much public attention on them - the opposition will do that for us. But sometimes, polyamory offers us the opportunity to experience unique negative emotions and situations in addition to the unique positive experiences and emotions.
Here's one of those negatives.
Fortunately, it wasn't an earth-shattering, mind-crumbling negative, just a twinge of envy and a "oh, hey, that's interesting - didn't know I could envy something I didn't actually want to do anyway". But it was kinda wierd.
And because some people will ask for the details, and others won't but will want to hear them, here's what happened.
tacit posted about it, so I won't recount in full, but basically, my metamour got to have her two male partners fist her and fig her at Frolicon this past weekend.Now, I don't like fisting and I'm not interested in figging, plus my antibiotics gave me a rather painful yeast infection so I didn't want really any genital contact at all over the weekend (which is a damn shame since I was at Frolicon). So I *really* didn't want to be in her position at all. Also, I'm not involved with either her or her other partner,
the_no_lj_d, so I wasn't interested in joining in the existing party either. Actually, I quite enjoyed myself watching everyone else in the room and chatting with aclaro, femetal, and redheadlass, so I wasn't even feeling left out or anything.What I *do* want is to have two (or more) male partners get along well enough with each other that I can have group sex with them, and have them gang up on me and coordinate their attacks.
What I *do* want is to attend a freakin' play party with a partner that I'm A) having penetrative sex with, B) have the play party allow penetration, and C) have my partner be interested in public sex - a situation I have yet to experience with all 3 elements in place.
What I *do* want is an event that is public enough and with the right kind of "public" that it might encourage certain of my friends to participate in, even if it's at a distance or with boundaries.
What I *do* like is the idea of my partner announcing to the world how much fun he had at said event.
There are two bits of irony in all of this. 1) I have had less group sex and less threesomes since becoming polyamorous and ceasing to be involved with monogamous men, and 2) I have had less group sex with *male partners* since I established that I am, indeed, straight and my bi-curiosity did not ever develop into an interest in sex with other women.
So I find myself just a tiny bit envious of a situation that I didn't actually want to participate in. It's an interesting feeling.
