It is crazy the assumptions people will make regarding an entire segment of life just because some aspect of it affected them badly. They fail to even try to take an objective look at what happened, and often totally fail in taking any personal responsibility for their part in the failure. This is true of every failed relationship about which I am privy to details.
I have no failed love relationships. I was, apparently, born to form lasting relationships. Some people are. Some people have a much harder time with this. The reasons are as varied as the people are. There are no simple answers. Repeat that last sentence.
I am replying here to add that in my long experience, POLYAMORY WORKS JUST FINE. IF you will only apply the very same criteria to it that works for successful monogamous relationships. (I don't consider ANY number of years together only agreeing not to communicate "successful," by the way.)
I have been married 27 and 26 years. I can speak with some authority. My parents have been married 52 years and going. Here's the thing - poly cannot fix what you can't make work in monogamy. That seems to be the real trouble. There are no shortcuts, no answer but honesty and compromise and learning to trust and to share and to forgive and to love without restraint and to for heaven's sake work on conquering your own insecurities!
No simple answers. No one answer. Humans are hard to live with. Give up trying to simplify the process of learning how! Work hard for who you want to love more and more. The rewards for that hard work are unquestionable. Yes, even if that relationship doesn't work, you'll have learned stuff you will need. There is no useless learning where relationships are concerned. We are all students here, and all teachers. I learn new stuff all the time! I love it!!!
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I rejoice in your ranting!
Date: 9/25/08 02:53 pm (UTC)From:I have no failed love relationships. I was, apparently, born to form lasting relationships. Some people are. Some people have a much harder time with this. The reasons are as varied as the people are. There are no simple answers. Repeat that last sentence.
I am replying here to add that in my long experience, POLYAMORY WORKS JUST FINE. IF you will only apply the very same criteria to it that works for successful monogamous relationships. (I don't consider ANY number of years together only agreeing not to communicate "successful," by the way.)
I have been married 27 and 26 years. I can speak with some authority. My parents have been married 52 years and going. Here's the thing - poly cannot fix what you can't make work in monogamy. That seems to be the real trouble. There are no shortcuts, no answer but honesty and compromise and learning to trust and to share and to forgive and to love without restraint and to for heaven's sake work on conquering your own insecurities!
No simple answers. No one answer. Humans are hard to live with. Give up trying to simplify the process of learning how! Work hard for who you want to love more and more. The rewards for that hard work are unquestionable. Yes, even if that relationship doesn't work, you'll have learned stuff you will need. There is no useless learning where relationships are concerned. We are all students here, and all teachers. I learn new stuff all the time! I love it!!!