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Do Friends With Benefits Really Work In Real Life?
www.quora.com/Do-friends-with-benefits-really-work-in-real-life/answer/Joreth-Innkeeper
Q. Do friends with benefits really work in real life?
A. Mine tend to work out pretty well. It takes two people who are on the same page and reasonably emotionally mature - basically everything that Franklin Veaux said in his post.
Every time I’ve ever gotten into a casual relationship when one of us had an agenda for turning the relationship into something else, or when one of us merely *hoped* the relationship would turn into something else, the relationship was a spectacular failure with drama and shouting and slamming of doors.
But my current mechanic is also a coworker and a former FWB. We have worked together for years, and back when we first met, the chemistry between us was really high, so we started sleeping together. Neither of us wanted anything else from the other, so our FWB relationship went on for several years.
Eventually we both just had too many other things in our lives to devote any time to each other and we faded away. We remain friendly coworkers, and since he works on my model of car as a hobby (he has 3 of them himself), he continues to offer his mechanic services to me. In fact, I’m due over at his house next week to fix the front axle.
A dancer friend of mine and I both went through a tough breakup at about the same time. So we turned to each other for a quick rebound fling. Neither of us wanted anything more from the other, and we both knew we were not ready for any kind of emotionally romantic relationship, but we both missed feeling desired. So that’s what we got from each other. It was fun and what we both needed in the moment. We are still friends and we still dance together. We may or may not hookup again in the future, and we’re both OK with either possibility.
I am involved with a performer who is married with children. He has an open marriage and likes having casual sex partners when he goes on tour but has no interest (or time) in a more interconnected sort of relationship. I work in entertainment and always had a “groupie” fetish but never acted on it because I see it as high risk activity.
One day, I got hired to work his show. I had always been a fan of his for his personal and political opinions, not just his performance, so I was delighted to get the chance to meet him in person and discover that he’s as genuine as he seems and that he liked me too.
With our similar values, I felt that I could trust him to give me that “casual sex with a famous person” experience without the whole drug use / lying / cheating / out of control crap that so often goes along with it, and he felt that he could trust me to enjoy a no-strings-attached hookup with him without demanding more than he was interested in. So we started sleeping together whenever his tour takes him into my town or my work takes me into his town. This has been going on for about 4 or 5 years now. We have a date scheduled for next month.
I have 2 coworkers (people who work in the same venues that I work in, but who do not work for the same employers) who are FWBs. We get along on worksite, but we don’t really see each other outside of work. Occasionally we will sneak off during a break to make out somewhere on site. Both of these have been going on for probably 8 or more years.
I could keep going. I’ve had an awful lot of FWBs. I like those relationships. Because of my freelance work and all my hobbies, I go through frequent busy periods where I just don’t have time to maintain relationships that resemble “normal” romantic relationships. I also like the fun and excitement of flirting and I enjoy the sexual tension that comes with casual sex partners between friends and coworkers. I’ve learned a lot about myself through these relationships and I have some good memories.
Most of my friendships either remained intact or faded naturally as some friendships do. Some of them exploded in a haze of sparks and drama. Those were always with people who had other expectations, some of which were subconscious but sometimes they knew they wanted something different from me than what was on the table but “settled” for the casual thing.
So, yeah, FWBs can “work”, depending on how you define “work”. Some of mine are ongoing, so if longevity is your marker for success, those would qualify. Others served a specific purpose and we went back to being friends afterwards, so if accomplishing a goal is a marker for success, then those would qualify. Others were fun while they lasted but we eventually outgrew them and faded away. If bringing joy and happiness for a while and then quietly turning into fond memories to look back on in later years is a marker for success, then those would qualify.
Q. Do friends with benefits really work in real life?
A. Mine tend to work out pretty well. It takes two people who are on the same page and reasonably emotionally mature - basically everything that Franklin Veaux said in his post.
Every time I’ve ever gotten into a casual relationship when one of us had an agenda for turning the relationship into something else, or when one of us merely *hoped* the relationship would turn into something else, the relationship was a spectacular failure with drama and shouting and slamming of doors.
But my current mechanic is also a coworker and a former FWB. We have worked together for years, and back when we first met, the chemistry between us was really high, so we started sleeping together. Neither of us wanted anything else from the other, so our FWB relationship went on for several years.
Eventually we both just had too many other things in our lives to devote any time to each other and we faded away. We remain friendly coworkers, and since he works on my model of car as a hobby (he has 3 of them himself), he continues to offer his mechanic services to me. In fact, I’m due over at his house next week to fix the front axle.
A dancer friend of mine and I both went through a tough breakup at about the same time. So we turned to each other for a quick rebound fling. Neither of us wanted anything more from the other, and we both knew we were not ready for any kind of emotionally romantic relationship, but we both missed feeling desired. So that’s what we got from each other. It was fun and what we both needed in the moment. We are still friends and we still dance together. We may or may not hookup again in the future, and we’re both OK with either possibility.
I am involved with a performer who is married with children. He has an open marriage and likes having casual sex partners when he goes on tour but has no interest (or time) in a more interconnected sort of relationship. I work in entertainment and always had a “groupie” fetish but never acted on it because I see it as high risk activity.
One day, I got hired to work his show. I had always been a fan of his for his personal and political opinions, not just his performance, so I was delighted to get the chance to meet him in person and discover that he’s as genuine as he seems and that he liked me too.
With our similar values, I felt that I could trust him to give me that “casual sex with a famous person” experience without the whole drug use / lying / cheating / out of control crap that so often goes along with it, and he felt that he could trust me to enjoy a no-strings-attached hookup with him without demanding more than he was interested in. So we started sleeping together whenever his tour takes him into my town or my work takes me into his town. This has been going on for about 4 or 5 years now. We have a date scheduled for next month.
I have 2 coworkers (people who work in the same venues that I work in, but who do not work for the same employers) who are FWBs. We get along on worksite, but we don’t really see each other outside of work. Occasionally we will sneak off during a break to make out somewhere on site. Both of these have been going on for probably 8 or more years.
I could keep going. I’ve had an awful lot of FWBs. I like those relationships. Because of my freelance work and all my hobbies, I go through frequent busy periods where I just don’t have time to maintain relationships that resemble “normal” romantic relationships. I also like the fun and excitement of flirting and I enjoy the sexual tension that comes with casual sex partners between friends and coworkers. I’ve learned a lot about myself through these relationships and I have some good memories.
Most of my friendships either remained intact or faded naturally as some friendships do. Some of them exploded in a haze of sparks and drama. Those were always with people who had other expectations, some of which were subconscious but sometimes they knew they wanted something different from me than what was on the table but “settled” for the casual thing.
So, yeah, FWBs can “work”, depending on how you define “work”. Some of mine are ongoing, so if longevity is your marker for success, those would qualify. Others served a specific purpose and we went back to being friends afterwards, so if accomplishing a goal is a marker for success, then those would qualify. Others were fun while they lasted but we eventually outgrew them and faded away. If bringing joy and happiness for a while and then quietly turning into fond memories to look back on in later years is a marker for success, then those would qualify.