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We're Kinky In A Heteronormative Vanilla Sort Of Way
Typical Unicorn Hunters -
Them: "Hi, we're kinky!"
Me: "OK, what does that actually mean though?"
Them: "He's in charge and orders us around and I live to pleasure him."
Me: "But, like, how? Does he like electrical stimulation like violet wands? Does he practice the art of aesthetic rope work called shibari? Do you wear puppy ears and a tail butt plug and crawl around on the floor and bark at him to pet you? Do you have a vacuum table that one of you gets sucked into a latex bag for compression and restraint? Do either of you get hung in the air by flesh hooks piercing your skin?"
Them: "What? No! I just mean that he tells me when to give him head and when to have sex and what to wear and sometimes spanks me when I talk back to him!"
Me: "Yeah, that's not 'kinky', that's just patriarchal heteronormativity masquerading as 'kink' thanks to 50 Shades."
Them: "Hi, we're kinky!"
Me: "OK, what does that actually mean though?"
Them: "He's in charge and orders us around and I live to pleasure him."
Me: "But, like, how? Does he like electrical stimulation like violet wands? Does he practice the art of aesthetic rope work called shibari? Do you wear puppy ears and a tail butt plug and crawl around on the floor and bark at him to pet you? Do you have a vacuum table that one of you gets sucked into a latex bag for compression and restraint? Do either of you get hung in the air by flesh hooks piercing your skin?"
Them: "What? No! I just mean that he tells me when to give him head and when to have sex and what to wear and sometimes spanks me when I talk back to him!"
Me: "Yeah, that's not 'kinky', that's just patriarchal heteronormativity masquerading as 'kink' thanks to 50 Shades."